Some weeks ago, one of my former coworkers passed away. He was only 38. But his life followed a destructive path. Four years ago, his wife died of a cancer, and six months later, he also lost his father to cancer. The pain was so much for him he started to drink to cope with it. As a result, he wasn’t able to do his job of journalist properly. And he got fired quickly from his two next jobs, because he was busted drinking in his car during the pause, among other things. The alcohol he drank damaged his liver and he got stricken by cancer.
This tragic event shows some people choose to self-destruct themselves and you can never do anything to change them, unless they want to clean their act.
The self-destructive man, like the passive-aggressive one, has problem to deal with his inner emotions, including his anger. And instead of letting it out like the temper trap, he will turn his anger against himself. The passive-aggressive man will just find a deviant way to show his anger.
Unfortunately, if you fall in love with someone like that, you can only watch him destroying himself, either by alcohol, drugs, … He has suicidal tendencies.
He doesn’t change with time. When you meet him for the first time, you can notice he has something unhealthy about him. He’s not well groomed. And when he doesn’t feel comfortable, he will look for alcohol or anything else that will help him to deal with his inner emotions.
Once, I had a date with a guy I met on dating sites, who seemed absolutely charming when we were chatting online. But when I saw him arriving at the restaurant, I noticed he was a bit clumsy, and to be frank, I wondered what the hell I was doing there. When he sat in front of me, I saw dark circles around his eyes, the grey of his skin, and the yellow at the tip of his fingers. He quickly ordered a whisky, and then a bottle of wine he drank during the whole evening. I left him there, and I never replied to his messages afterwards.
A friend of mine says you have to be self-destructive as well to stay in a relationship with someone like that. I don’t agree with him, because some women who are not self-destructive will jump into this relationship, as they want to save him.
My former coworker was married to one of them. He met her at a hospital, during a night where she was on duty while he came crashing because he had an accident, under the influence of alcohol and weed. While they were married, he seemed to behave nicely. His marriage changed him. That’s why he came to work in my newsroom.
May he rest in peace now.