life, love, relationships

The closer, the better (when your group of friends strengthens your romantic relationship)

Can Facebook predict if your romantic relationship will last? Yes, according to Jon Kleinberg, a computer scientist at Cornell University and Lars Backstrom, a Facebook engineer.

It depends on the mutual friends you share with your romantic partner on Facebook (or in real life). Your couple has a better chance to last if your romantic partner is well connected to your network. “A spouse or a romantic partner is a bridge between a person’s different social worlds” said Kleinberg when his study was released.

In fact, it’s not the number of mutual of friends you share with your romantic partner that will predict if your relationship can last.

It’s a different dynamic at play.

Common friends can act as a counselor or mediator between you and your romantic partner. Of course, it depends on your common friends.

Many people I know don’t share many common friends with their spouse or romantic partner. Simply because they choose someone outside of their circle of friends. One of my friends, who’s about to get married, met her future husband on a dating site. I’ve never heard her speaking about their common friends. She went on holiday with her group of friends, without him, several times already. But she also tried to include him in her larger group of friends. I know him a little bit, but he’s always stood behind her whenever I went to their place. He didn’t try to be friendly with me. But it would have been weird for me if he started to act as my best friend. It’s curious, because two of her friends have now become two of my friends too. Whenever they are in my city, they call me for a drink of a dinner.

Besides, one of my friends got a bad experience with the common friends he shared with his ex. She left him after five years for one of his best friends. They are now married with two kids. My friend has moved abroad.

And how do you make common friends with your romantic partner? That is a difficult question. It can happen because you bonded separately with them before your relationship started. One of my friends met her husband through their common friend.   She accepted once an invitation to an exhibition by one of her friends. Her friends also invited a group of his friends, including her future husband. He simply introduced her to him during the exhibition.

But it’s true Facebook can give you an indication on how connected your common friends are with your romantic partner. The study shows we tend to like status, pictures and posts posted by people who are close to us. We may not like those posted from someone you just met twice in your life but asked you to be friends on Facebook. But for the people we like, it’s the opposite. For instance, I tend to like every picture, even if these are failed, posted by my sister, and my friends. I get that too, from my closest friends. I’m not surprised, when I get some analysis from my datas on Facebook, to see familiar names coming up in the statistics.

In real life, it’s also the same.

In a world where it is easy to find a romantic partner (or a one-night stand – hi Tinder), the common friends are much harder to find.

broken heart, life, love

The double life

Recently, one of my friends announced her sister was divorcing. “She accepted the invitation to go on holiday with one of her friends who is single. It was just for a week. When she came back home, she noticed her home smelled bad because all the doors and windows remained closed during her week away. Nothing had changed since she left. And nothing was in the dishwasher, as if her husband wasn’t there at all. Her husband didn’t say anything to her. But he remained silent during the evening. It was 2AM when she woke up and decided to wake her daughter as she wanted to go to our parents’ house. As she brought her daughter to her car, her husband woke up, and wondered what she was doing. She started to scream at him and asked him to tell her what was wrong. He told her he had a lover, who was 14 years older than him and her. He spent the week with her. He told my sister she is the love of his life, and said they should divorced” my friend said. “He started his affair four months ago. He told my sister he lied to her when he had meetings. He even brought their daughter to her house to see if she was able to get along with her sons” she added.

Of course, her sister is devastated for the moment. But I bet her future ex-husband’s love story will turn sour sooner or later.

His double life didn’t last for long. But for some people, the double life can last a long time.

Have you got a double life? Many people have one” one of my friends asked me a long time ago. It was during a dinner where we drank too much. But I still remember this conversation because it took me by surprise.

But what is a double life?

A double life is having two lives, one of which you do not want others to know about. A lover, kept secret, is part of that double life. But some people just keep a part of their life secret to their family and friends, for various reasons. I recently read the review of a film about voguers, an urban dance that grew out of New York in the gay community in the 80’s. Some of these dancers keep their activity secret because they risk to lose everything if they are discovered, including their life.

But secrets are hard to keep over a long time. Eventually, the truth will come out.