I’ve read quite a few articles recently about the experience to ditch the dating apps for a while. I tried Tinder and Bumble, only to give up after one day, as I was overwhelmed with the big number of profiles. When you have too many choices, you tend to make no decision at all, says Sheena Iyengar, a professor of Columbia University. It’s true for me.
But one of the articles raises a point: in real life, it’s difficult to spot those who are single in a bar or a cocktail party right away. It’s not indicated on their forehead “Usually, after five minutes, the guy I just chatted with told me about his girlfriend. But I can notice right away the ring on his finger if he’s married” says one of my single friends, who’s still looking for the right one.
On the dating sites and the dating apps, it’s easier, because you know everyone is looking for someone single or a least available. There’s a single tag on everyone. It’s not the case in real life. You have to ask, or to guess. The ring on the finger is a good clue, though. Usually, those who are not married, but in a relationship, will tell you very quickly they have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, because you can flirt with a gay man without notice it right away. Only liars will hide their relationship status to you. It’s big warning. Those who are really single are either the perpetual bachelor, who refuses to get hitched and collected women, or those who are pessimist about their chance to seduce the opposite sex. They are generally difficult to approach.
If you are addicted to dating apps, a detox of dating apps is probably daunted for you, because you have to manage a problem you forgot when you had your dating apps: the anxiety of waiting for a answer without having the option to turn immediately to someone else. If your date in real life doesn’t offer you the satisfaction you were looking for, you don’t have the option to return to your other potential partners you easily find on dating sites and apps. If you do find a match, you can also be tempted to search for a better option, if you have the habit to do so with the dating apps.
But you have less options than on dating apps. So, you can’t be overwhelmed by too many choices to make. It’s not easy, though, to find someone single and available in real life. Except maybe if he’s a friend of your friends, who know about his relationship status. Friends can be helpful in those situations, and you even have the chance to know a little bit about your potential partner through what your friends know about him/her. They are probably the best indicators to your choice, better than the stars on a profile on Tinder (given by other women/men who dated the guy), not very accurate.