broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Don’t try to change your partner

Why some of us want to change our partner? I once dated a man who got dumped by his girlfriend because she left him for her yoga teacher. He pushed her to do yoga, as she was very stressed. He hoped she would change. Instead of changing, she changed her boyfriend. But my ex didn’t learn the lesson, as he tried the same with me. The relationship was ill-fated, but it was a rebound relationship for me, and I wasn’t really myself when I dated him.

Recently, one of my coworkers told me she gave an ultimatum to her significant other. “Either she accepts to go to therapy, or we call it quits” she said. Her partner is bipolar, and my coworker is worried for her. Her significant other accepted to go to therapy, but it’s only been three weeks now since the ultimatum. Unfortunately for my friend, her partner won’t change much even if she goes to therapy. And the therapy can last for years, as the bipolar disorder won’t disappear over night. It’s here for the long run.

Some people manage to have a great relationship with a partner with a bipolar disorder, because they accept their partner as they are. Because on the upside, bipolar people can be a great company. But on the downside, they can be unpredictable, inattentive, self-focused and promiscuous. They can be hot one day, cold the next one. But people with bipolar disorder can react differently during their down period. One of my relatives is just withdrawn during his down period. He just wants to be left alone. His family has adapted to that.

If you can’t cope with your partner’s personality, don’t try to change him/her. What would you say if someone ask you to change?

It’s not pleasant to be in a relationship where your partner pressures you to change because he/she don’t like your personality. Constant critics are a form of contempt, the kiss of death of a relationship.

As my ex’s ex-girlfriend, who disengaged herself from his critics, most people will feel the urge to disengage themselves from the relationship.

If you can’t cope with your partner’s personality, it’s best to call it quits.


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