celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The ex who’s still in your life


Friends without benefits

Recently, a guy I had a crush on when I was 13 sent me a message through Facebook saying he is single and had a crush on me when we were younger. He asked me if we could see each other again. But I’m not thrilled at all. Back then, I was so shy and had little experience with love, I only followed him like a lost puppy everywhere and did his homeworks because he asked me to do so. Of course, it didn’t lead anywhere. And shortly after, my parents decided I needed to change school, so I changed my school without ever seeing him back again.

He’s now the single father of two kids, working for a rehab center. He asked me to be friends on Facebook at the beginning of the year and introduced himself wondering if I remembered him. Of course, I remember him, and I remember the idiot I was back then. But though he’s still handsome, I have no common points with him anymore. He probably thought about me because I have appeared on TV several times last year. He said he watched every show where I appeared.

Is it something common to call back your flirt or your ex when you’re single and feel alone? Some of my friends agree. They say some of their ex’s are the first person they call when they feel alone, instead of going on a dating site or app to meet random strangers.

One of my ex’s, who has become a friend over the years, always comes back to me when it’s over with his partner. He recently left his four year relationship. But before it ended, he asked several times if he could come at my place. And I accepted. But he’s the only one I allow to do so.

Another one has tried to come back into my life, several times. But I didn’t let him do so. In fact, it’s complicated between he and I. I accepted to have a dinner several times with him, but at the end of the evening, I only wanted to run away because he tried to get back with me. Since then, he left me some messages on Facebook, but I never replied. He still acts like a jealous boyfriend with me, although we’re not together. He still watches me through Facebook.

A friend of mine told me she’s still friends with his ex, the one she got engaged to, but never married because she discovered he was cheating on her. “It took us a long long time to be friends. I accepted to see him again seven years ago, when he was in a relationship, and so was I. Both of our relationships ended shortly after. But I didn’t get back with him, because I know he’s not the one for me. Yet, I know I can count on him” she says. Yet, since she’s in her new relationship, her ex has moved to Thailand, and she has barely seen him. The last times she threw a party at her house, I didn’t see him around. And she doesn’t speak about him anymore.

What happens when you’re still in a “friends with or without benefits” zone with your ex, and you get into a new relationship?

Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t had any serious relationship since I broke up with my ex’s. No man has really replaced him. Yet, he and I are not back together either.

I also don’t know if I could be cool with a new guy who still sees his ex.

As for my friends,  some of them told me they were still seeing their ex at the beginning of their new relationship, but stopped because their partner got jealous, or because the ex  found someone else. I guess it depends on how the relationship develops over time.

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