broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts

Leaving isn’t easy

It takes courage to leave a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Yet, for some reasons, some people don’t find the courage or the strength to call it quits with their partner. Men are usually more coward than women when it comes to end a long term relationship. And generally, they will find the easy way out, by cheating on their partner, in the hope, admitted or not, that their partner will find out about the other woman, and decide to break up.

A friend of mine left obvious evidences of his infidelity to his ex-wife. He left the bills of the holidays he took with his mistress at home. His ex-wife found the bills, and asked for a divorce.  He told me he wanted to leave his marriage. But he never told his ex-wife about his intentions. Even if he didn’t touch her anymore before his ex-wife discovered his affair, he still lived with her. She was the one who asked him to leave the house.

But there are couples who are over with each other, but don’t leave the relationship. We can find them in weddings, dinners,… They are the ones who are not with each  other anymore, but who are still invited as a couple, as people don’t know what are their actual relationship status. They still invite people at their house, where they receive their guests together.

This happens because none of the partners accept the separation. Or because one of the partners feels guilty of leaving the other one, because he/she’s sick, vulnerable, moneyless,… Some also fear to leave the comfort (financially speaking) of their relationship. It’s not easy to ask for a divorce if you live on your spouse’s financial means.

Nostalgia also plays an important part of the difficulty to leave your partner. My cousin had a hard time to leave her ex-husband who got into drugs and alcohol after he was recovering from a broken ankle. Because he was put away of his job, he began to drink and test drugs. But before, he was just a great husband with my cousin, offering her a lavish life. She had very good times with him, until he changed because of his nasty habits. After many ultimatums, my cousin had not choice but to leave, as she feared for her safety. But she told me it was heartbreaking for her, because she hoped he would get back to his old self.

Some people also fear to leave because their partner is violent and threatens to kill them if they leave. In France, there was recent case where a woman was granted liberty after killing her abusive husband. The court accepted her version as an act of defense. Unfortunately, when you have an abusive partner partner, the best option is to disappear from their life. But it’s not easy. Fortunately, in my country, there are some associations helping women who have been abused.

In any case, if you feel unhappy, or if your fear for your safety, leaving is necessary. Just listen to your guts. It’s the best guide.


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