broken heart, celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts

Ghosting, the break up 2.0


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Breaking up in the era of dating app has never been so simple. You simply avoid to answer any message anymore to your date if you were disappointed or if you have a better option. It’s called ghosting. But it’s acceptable if your relationship is not very far with your date, especially after just one date.

In 2014, the Huffington Post did a survey among 1000 people, and 11% of them answered they ghosted their ex. 13% of them said they were ghosted. If you had a lot of dates thanks to Tinder, Happn, match.com, … it may be an explanation to this. I’ve done it myself after many dates disappointing and I also have been ghosted by some of the guys I met through dating sites. It’s not a big deal, because you know it’s not the end of the world. Your life doesn’t change that much after a date which was disappointing.

But if your relationship lasted over one date, ghosting is not so acceptable anymore. But it depends. Ghosting is not answering your messages anymore, but it can happen that for a reason, you don’t answer your messages for some days.  The most obvious example is if you’re hospitalized after an accident or if you’re stuck in an area where the connection is very bad. And there are special cases. “One of my ex’s used to disappear for weeks where he would never answer back my messages and calls. But he always came back until I was fed up with his behavior” one of my friends told me.

What if your long term partner doesn’t answer his/her messages anymore, and plays dead?

A friend of mine said her husband suddenly disappeared. But she called everyone in his circle to know where he was. His parents didn’t know, some of his friends either. But after three days, one of his friends called her to say her husband was at his place. So she cornered him to have an explanation. “His friend didn’t say I was coming. And he let us alone to have an explanation. Yes, he was trapped. But at least, we got a proper break up” she said.

Unless you disappear in a place where none of your friends and family know, on a island with no population, it’s difficult to escape your partner. So, ghosting has a limit.

If you’re in a long term relationship, you probably know all of his friends and family. If not, then, he/she may be lying to you. Your common circle can prevent you to get ghosted by your significant other.

Yes, you can be ghosted. But it’s also your fault if you let your significant other go away without any explanation.

This says it all if you let things end like that after a long term relationship.

But I don’t say if you’re threatened or if you fear your partner you should have an explanation with him/her about your will to call it quits. A letter, an SMS, something distant, may be enough, for your own safety.

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