broken heart, celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts

A plan B


Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, gave recently a powerful speech about gratitude to thrive in adverse times. She mentioned that sometimes, we only have a plan B because the our first choice isn’t available to us anymore.

A plan B isn’t always available to us because we don’t make two plans every time. In our professional life, we do make two plans in case the first scenario doesn’t work. Sometimes, it’s just a buffer like a saving account or our regular work if we take a risk. Many writers do keep their regular job because their books are not well sold. But it’s a safety net for them, until they make it as a star.

In love, it’s a different story. Today, with apps like Tinder, Happn, Bumble, … we have the impression there’s always a better option if things don’t turn well with our significant other. But it’s just an impression, because we have to invest again in some dates before it can turn into a relationship. And dates don’t mean we will go into a relationship. I’ve been to many dates which didn’t turn into a more serious relationship afterward. `

Some people keep close friends with benefits or their ex’s in case their relationship with their significant other ends. But it can backfire. Because you can lose your friends with benefits once you begin to commit to your significant other. It’s the same with your ex’s. If you keep them in your life, you’re not very committing into your significant other, who can feel not very valuable.

One of my friends lost her friend with benefits when the man of her life eventually decided to come back in her life, after many indecisions. “I didn’t want to lose him” she said. “My friend with benefits understood. I didn’t see him again after” she said.

Eventually, your friends with benefits, and even your ex’s can fall in love with someone else, and commit in a relationship. And they won’t be available for you. Especially if they have children with their new significant other.

A good plan B for ill relationships is real friends (without benefits) you have kept close and who will be there for you in difficult times. That’s what real friends are for.

Some money too, is a good plan B for ill relationships, especially for painful divorces. Because you’ll have to pay for your lawyer, and it can cost a lot.  Plus, if you owned a house with your significant other, you’ll be relieved if you can buy the part he/she owned or can jump back quickly on your feet to find a new place to live. A friend of mine, who recently got divorced, lost a lot of money with the procedure, and was forced to sell their house, without making any profit out of it. Luckily for her, she has a good job, but it’s difficult for her to start back again a new life.

Money won’t ease the pain of a breakup. Only time heals a broken heart.



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