A friend of mine recently told me one of her friends is desperate to have his ex back in his life, even if it’s been one year and an half she left him because of his difficult character. “He’s aware of his behavior, yet, he’s still not over his ex, even if we tried to introduce him to every single woman we know” she said.
“I don’t understand since I know other people who didn’t have difficulty to find someone new shortly after their breakup” she said.
Why are some people able to bounce back after a breakup and some other not?
It’s a question of resilience.
We are not equal in resilience. The Harvard Business Blog wrote an interesting post about it. Bricoleurs, in this article , muddle through while other are confounded. It’s the most evolved form of resilience. In other words, it’s the capacity to improvise after a disaster.
A breakup is a disaster too. We can break up because one of the partners wants to leave, or because of a mutual agreement. But it’s the result of a bad couple. And we can feel rejected after that. But some people cope better than others.
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, in a recent interview, mentioned she didn’t recall any broken heart because “probably, I didn’t commit enough, and also, I had chances. I have only committed to my husband. If he leaves me now, I would suffer” she said.
Some people just shy away from their ex and concentrate on their own life. Some people need a rebound relationship to get back on their feet. Those who stare miserably at their ex’s Facebook profile or try everything to get back with their ex are the ones who don’t cope very well with a breakup. Needless to say, it’s the best way to get rejected again.
One of my friends was so disappointed by his last relationship that he wants to remain alone for some time. Another one absolutely needed to find someone quickly. And he founded.
Staying unhappy on your own is a vicious cycle.