This morning, I caught the conversation of two of my coworkers talking about the new beau of one of them. She complained he didn’t like her schedule where she runs everyday after her work because she wants to clear her mind. “He criticizes me a lot” she said. My other coworker, who knows her man, told her his ex got into a depression after one year of relationship with him. “With him, I want to cry all of the time” the other said. “I also want to cry all of the time because of my significant other” added my coworker.
Why do we stay in destructive relationships like that? There is not a day when my coworker doesn’t complain about what her significant other did to her or said to her. When I ask her why she doesn’t want to end this relationship, she replied she couldn’t, because she loves her significant other. Yet, it’s been almost one year where she’s very sensitive because of her lover.
In the long run, this relationship may not be sustainable. What’s the point of being on the defensive permanently with the one you love? In the end, you will end up spending more and more time away from your partner, not knowing why, just because you want to avoid him/her. Some people take years to recognize they are not in the right relationship.
“Because you’re brilliant, kind and beautiful, you should never let any guy speak to you badly” one of my friends said after I broke up with my ex. “Don’t waste your time with that kind of guy. A guy should feel lucky to have you” he added.
I would repeat his advice to everyone who’s involved in a relationship where they are not treated with respect.
Permanent critics, cold shoulders, stonewalling are like cracks on your wall. If your significant other is unable to appreciate your success, or even share your joy for the little things in life, if he/she guns you down every time you say something, you will feel tired after some time. Sometimes, people take years to end that kind of relationships.
But a good indicator your relationship is ill fated may be the way you talk about your significant other to your friends. If you do like my coworker who constantly complains about her lover, then, it may indicate your significant other is not the right person for you.
I’m not saying you should leave after just one critic. After all, we are able to stand for ourselves, and able to replicate. But if your partner is unable to adjust to you, or if you’re unable to adjust to him/her, that may be the solution.