“I keep playing your part, but it’s not my scene”
Sitting, waiting, wishing – Jack Johnson
Recently, one of my acquaintances complained about her significant other, who doesn’t give her anything. “I keep on making plans for us to spend our time together, but she doesn’t propose anything to me and even refused some of my plans. I pay for everything while she is always reluctant to pay. I feel I’m constantly walking on eggs with her because she criticizes me a lot. And I feel stressed because I don’t know how she will act” she said.
This is a one sided relationship where my acquaintance is doing all the work while her significant other makes her feel worse than better about herself. Unfortunately, if this relationship continues like that, it’s ill-fated.
The only solution to this problem is to tell how you feel to your significant other, keeping one feeling by conversation. It’s not wise to remind your partner about past events, because it can fire back at you. I did that with my ex, and he told me I should have told him right away there was a problem with him instead of bringing him that topic three weeks later. As a result, he brushed off my feelings and I felt diminished. But it’s not that easy to react right away.
One of my friends told me she can’t react right away. She only pulls back and doesn’t answer her phone for hours, even if her significant other tries to call her. “After some time, I reply, and he asks what’s wrong. Usually, it helps me to find the words to tell him how I feel” she says. But this only works if your significant other do call you often. If he/she goes MIA for days, well, he/she won’t notice anything.
How do you know you’re in a one sided relationship? People don’t realize this right away. Especially if they are in love. In the six first months of a relationship, if we’re in love, all we want, is to spend our time with our partner. We don’t care about details.
If like my acquaintance, you always make the plans, you pay for everything, and make efforts to include your partner in your life while he/she makes no effort at all and doesn’t feel too excited to meet your friends and family, that’s the sign of a one sided relationship.
In other words, if your partner doesn’t give you much (of his/her time, of his/her heart, of his/her consideration), this is a one sided relationship.
Some people jump into relationships while they are emotionally unavailable, and don’t give that much to their new partner because of that. We can be emotionally unavailable after a break up or after an incident in our life.
Communication is the only way to break that cycle. If this situation continues even if you pointed out the lack of consideration to your partner, it’s hopeless.