celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts

Why can’t I be you? (Stealing your partner’s personality)


In theory, we should never change who we are or what we want for the one we love. But in real life, it can happen we can adopt the personality of the person we are dating. Especially in the six first months of any long term relationship.

When we fall in love with someone, we fall for the person who holds the promise of changing our life. So it’s not impossible to adopt the personality of the one we love.  If we find ourselves changing for a partner, maybe it’s because we want that change.

We may fall for someone who is different from us for that reason.  But we are all different even if we share some common points. Because we have each a personal history, which makes us who we are.

That person we are attracted may seem different because he/she can have some features very different from us, like blue hair, a certain style, … or some  crafts like hosting dinner parties, a knowledge about beers, a long list of travels, or whatever it may be.

But really, we are looking at those differences because we want to be that different. It’s a way of reinforce us in a sense.

I remind this story about a guy who falls in love with a woman who likes to swim with sharks, while he was afraid of water.

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One of my friends told me she fell in love with a guy who didn’t drink and was socially awkward, while she was a party girl. At first, he was positive influence for her. Because she stopped drinking and going out, she could focus on her work. And got a prize for it. But eventually, she got tired of him, because he didn’t like to go out, while she wanted to have some social life.

In a way, it’s like an extraverted falls for an introverted. Many couples are like that.

Some do survive, because of compromises.

Some do not.

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