celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Asking your friends to set you up

Some people, tired of bad dates, ask their friends to set them up with their single friends. It’s not a bad idea, because people with similar values and interests tend to stick together, so the friend your friends want to set you up  may share a few values with you.

Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend was introduced to her by their common friends, who thought they would match easily, for an example. For famous  people, the friends circle is  the safest way to meet a potential date. They can’t go on Tinder or any other apps because they will probably be harassed.

But non famous people can also feel safer with dating if their friends pre-approve your date because they know him/her.

There are no guarantee though your setup will turn into a relationship. A friend of mine told me she was set up with a man who wasn’t her type. She ended up furious over her friend who chose to set up the date. “I felt she didn’t know me very well” she said. In that case, it’s as unpleasant as if you were not warned you were set up. Last year, I ended up sitting next to a single man at a wedding. When he learned I was a journalist,  he started to rant against my profession. I tried to avoid him during the rest of the evening because he was just a jerk, and I was pissed off at my acquaintances for trying to set me up with that guy.

Your friends can also take the offense if you don’t like the  guy they picked for you. They might think you’re too picky.

Besides, being in the middle can be difficult for your friends if your setup for a reason don’t call you back, goes M.I.A.,… or if you don’t get along very well and complain to your friends about the setup.

That’s why some people avoid setting their friends up.

One of my friends told me she can’t set me up with her single male friends, because she knows they won’t be my type. “I know all of you very well, and I know you wouldn’t be a good match” she said. It’s wise, because we’re still friends, and I avoided some disastrous dates.

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broken heart, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Acceptance or isolation of your couple

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The new French president, Emmanuel Macron, raised some eyebrows before of the age difference between him and his spouse, Brigitte.  In our society, unfortunately, it’s not considered normal for a man to marry someone who is his senior, especially if the age gap is very large. My mother is two years older than my father. They haven’t met any reticence when they started their relationship. People don’t notice that difference. They just look as old together.

Those couples who have a large age gap do meet some reticence.  But it’s the same for couples who don’t share the same religion, the same background and pedigree, … Those couples are more fragile because of the pressure of their relatives and friends, over the society.  If their relatives and friends don’t accept the significant other, either the relationship survive by staying away from their circle or the relationship die. Love is not enough. Our circles have to validate our couple. Nobody likes to be cut from their friends and family, even if it’s for love.

Shakespeare grabs that difficulty for those couples in “Romeo and Juliet”. In the end of this tragedy, both lovers die, because their love would never have been accepted by their family.

Without strong links and reliable social circle, that certainly to have a destiny together can unbundle. At the risk of loneliness and the feeling of invincibility” said Serge Hefez, a psychologist in a french magazine.

Acceptance of your significant other from your family and friends is important.

A friend of mine told me his brother-in-law turned suddenly agressive toward him and his mother, after years of mocking from them because he wasn’t an intellectual like all the members of my friend’s family. “He was just a nurse, but recently he became CEO of a prosperous company he founded thanks to his IT skills. And since then, he has been agressive with us” he says. His sister has been torn for years between her family and her husband, and the feud isn’t over.

It’s not easy for family and friends to accept our significant other if he/she doesn’t fit into their ideal.

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Cougars (the age gap between lovers)

During the presidential elections in France, many comments were directed at Emmanuel Macron’s wife, Brigitte, who is 24 years his senior. Many attacks and critics  are targeted at the presidential candidates, and their relatives/friends/ assistant.  In the United States, Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, was not saved from those critics. But those critics were never raised against their age difference, even if they share with the new French presidential couple, the same age gap (24 years).

Melania Trump was never suspected to be gay for loving a much older man than her.  In France, there were doubts the presidential couple’s love was not genuine. As if a man couldn’t love someone older than him.  The only difference between these two couples is the moment when they fell in love. Emmanuel Macron was only 15 when he fell in love with his future wife. While Melania was 27 when she met Donald Trump for the first time.

In theory, should we all fall in love with someone who shares the same age than us? Would we be better off with someone who’s born in the same year than us?

With someone who is from the same generation than us, we can share many common points, the same experiences, the same references because of our education, the same values,… And we will age at the same rhythm. “With someone older, you will face all of his illness linked to his age. It’s a risk” says one of my friends. “As you age, the burden of age will be more difficult for your older partner. There will be some activities you can’t do with him” she added.

I don’t agree with her. With someone who shares the same age than us, there can be some major differences. If you’re introverted,  don’t like many social interactions  and prefer the comfort of your couch with a good book, you can clash with a partner who is the exact opposite than you. Whether she/he’s older or younger, or not than you. We can share zero common point apart the age with someone who’s as old as you. Besides, yes, there is a chance the older one in your couple can die before you. But life can decide otherwise. You can be hit by a bus tomorrow or die in an accident. There are no age to die.

We fall in love with the one who holds the promise to change our life. It’s not a conscientious act. It’s not like we can choose someone out of a catalog who will have all the qualities we look in a partner. Of course, if the one we love is violent or verbally abusive, we should leave him/her alone.

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