dating site, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women



Recently, I read an article about the secret talent of Ivanka Trump and her husband. They said they’re good at matchmaking, behind seven successful marriages. This mean she knows some key details about the people she set up, like for instance their hobbies, tastes,… I don’t see how she could set up people together without those details. It would be as if she wrote down each of the names of the single people she knows on a piece of paper, and then threw these papers in a bag and picked out two names  randomly.

Friends are better matchmakers than strangers. Because they know what their friends like and can pick someone with similar interests to set them up. It can happen, though, that the set up doesn’t work. Simply because the people don’t find each other attractive, or because their personality doesn’t match. You can have in common with people hobbies like going to museums, concert, painting,… But that doesn’t mean you could match.

Take for instance Tinder. This dating app collects all the likes you make on Facebook, as use this data to put it on your profile. When you look for a potential partner on this dating app, you can see the likes you have in common with the people you see on your smartphone.  I went to two dates with men who had at least 8 likes in common with me, and I was disappointed both time, because one of them had a problem with alcohol, while the other just simply didn’t call me or message me after the date anymore. I even saw once on Tinder a man who had 12 likes in common with me, but he didn’t swipe me right.

There’s another dating app called Once, that doesn’t work like Tinder. Instead of scrolling multiple pictures, you only get one profile per day. It’s up to you to start a conversation or not. Once uses human matchmakers who compare the profile of the users and decide to match the profiles they select. Those matchmakers try to have at least 50% of good results, which mean they try to have the people they select starting a conversation. Yet, it’s not perfect, because I had a lot of bad surprises with this app. And so far, I haven’t met anyone who met through Once.

Dating site like, Okcupid, also try to help you find the right partner, through the power of their algorithm, based on the list of our preferences. Yet, the rate of disappointing dates  is really high there too.

These dating app and online dating are made to make you come back, according to Tim Harford. 

So, what is the secret of Ivanka Trump?


dating site, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Married at first sight

Imagine if you get married to a guy you haven’t met and  who has 89% of compatibility with you according to the test you took on Okcupid or Elite Dating? That’s the pitch of a new TV show in my country, called Married at first sight. People choose to get married to a total stranger who has a high score of compatibility with them after taking a test.

For those who have tested OkCupid or Elite Dating, or any dating site where you have to fill a test to know your compatibility with a potential partner, it may rise eyebrows. Because it’s not because you have a high score of compatibility with someone that you may fall in love with him/her.

One explanation is because you don’t really find a right answer to the questions asked in the test. Or if you hacked Okcupid like Chris McKinlay. People also lie on internet.

Another reason could be because you don’t find attractive in real life your compatible date.  It can happen. I’ve been disappointed a lot by my first encounters with the men I met through online dating. To be fair, once, I even turned back on my heels when I saw one of my date seating in the cafe where we agreed to meet.

It can also happen you feel no sparks when you meet your date for the first time. Women do use their smell cue to choose their partner. The guy in front of them can be handsome, but if they can’t smell him, they won’t go on a second date with him. One of my friends also told me she just felt cold with every guy she met online during their first date.

Besides, even if you do start a relationship with someone you met online and who has a high score of compatibility with you, it’s not guaranteed to last and to end up with wedding bells. There are many hurdles in a relationship.

So marrying someone you just met is not a really good idea.

celibacy, life, love, relationships

How do we become friends with benefits?


A friend with benefits (FWB) is a friend of yours who ends up involved in sexual encounters with you, without much more commitment. A friend of mine used to have a FWB when she broke up with her ex after cancelling their engagement. She told me she needed to have a physical proximity with another man to help her cope with the pain of the breakup. One of her friends, who didn’t want any commitment, offered her to be a FWB. She told me they made an arrangement together, to remain friends even if the “relationship” turned sour, and to spend one night together at least per month. My friend was conscious she could want more from her FWB so she dated other men during the time she remained FWB with her friend. Eventually, one of her ex’s came back into her life and asked her to move with him. That’s how her relationship with her friends with benefits ended. Unfortunately, she didn’t remain friend with him.

Some people, though, start to be friends with benefits with people they just met, but it’s difficult to create a new arrangement with someone you barely know, because of the complicated nature of what you’re trying to create.

It’s easier to set the sexual connection with someone new, but friendship is more difficult, because a friend is someone you trust and who trusts you. That relationship develops over time, through shared history, experiences, thanks to compatibility or mutual interests.

One of my friends told me she met a guy in a club who asked her to be FWB. She didn’t know him before. “All he wanted was to fuck me” she said. “I don’t think he bothered to be friend with me. Besides, how can I trust someone like that?” she added. So she turned down the guy.

To put a label like FWB on any relationship put pressure on people, with a high probability of failure.

FWB between friends is even difficult, because one of the partner can have deeper feelings for the other. Some people accept to be FWB in the hope to have a commitment relationship but are too coward to tell the truth to their friend because they fear it would scare them off.

In that case, FWB can be deserving you, and make you feel belittle.

So, yes, FWB is a complicated arrangement between people.