broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The feelings after a breakup


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After a breakup, we don’t deal the same way with our emotions. It depends on the way the breakup happened. If the breakup was mutual because you realised you don’t love each other anymore, you can feel released and free. It’s not the same when the breakup wasn’t mutual.

One of my friends doesn’t deal well with a breakup. Usually, she sees all the men she dated turn cold and avoid her, until they say it’s over. And it drives her nuts. She sends to her ex’s many many messages. She stalks them on social medias, and comments every post. She’s jealous every time a woman post a comment on her ex’s profile. But it’s her way to deal with the breakup, because after three months of harassment, she usually realised she doesn’t feel anything for her ex’s anymore. Maybe it’s a way for her to understand it’s really over. But I suspect her ex’s help her in some ways, by not replying to her messages, by telling her to leave them alone, and by unfriending her on Facebook and other social medias. Has she found someone who would rebel against her behaviour but found this exciting, she would have had difficult to move on.

Some people feel rage against their ex when it’s over. But it’s kind of normal if the breakup was brutal, and if our ex didn’t take any glove to tell us it’s over. For example, if the breakup happens after an argument. Or if your future ex tells you he/she found some one else. You feel as if  the world collapsed below your feet. It’s difficult to remain calm after this.  Some people will try to harm their ex, while other will just cry. Some people can feel depressed after a painful breakup. They don’t want to go out anymore, and live in the numbness in the background.

This phase is temporary. Most of us jump back on our feet after that. If it’s not  the case, maybe it’s the sign you’re into depression. Seek help.

Some people will try to get back with their ex. They will try to get her/him jealous, or beg their ex to take them back. But it’s not a good strategy, because even if our ex comes back into our life, it will be because he/she feels jealous or guilty. Needless to say, it’s a shaky and fragile ground to start back your relationship. It’s against all odds. Especially if your ex left you for someone else. Chances are he/she’s in love, and won’t hesitate to ignore you.

What’s the best way to deal with a nasty break up? Cry if you want, go cut his tires, trash his garden, … But then, focus on yourself. Spend time with your friend, find a new hobby, hit the gym, give your time for those in needs,…In all cases, spend your time away from your ex. It won’t help you to move on if you’re constantly hooked to your ex. You may realise you neglected your friends and  family, too numb by the breakup.

And no, women are not idiot because they can’t deal well with a breakup like my friend. It’s just their way of dealing with the breakup. Men may stay calm after a breakup, but their feeling will pinch them sooner or later.

 

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