broken heart, celibacy, relationships, thoughts, women

The high risks with a separated man

catinabox

Recently, I met a man who told me he was just separated with his wife. It’s been only three months they have separated, and he’s still live with her and their two children, even though they share a house and an apartment in order to live apart from each other. He told me he went to several dates since his separation. One of his dates didn’t want to pursue with him after that. I guess she felt the same way than me. I fear he would realise sooner or later his mistake and come back to his wife. His date was seeing other men, and she told him she decided to pursue a relationship with one of them. I just tell him I don’t see a positive evolution with him as he’s still lives with his wife and he shares with her many mutual friends. He told me he would spend his summer going with their friends abroad where his wife would be there.

Some women don’t bother to date a separated man, because they know he feels alone and hurt. But he also has a lot of resentment from his previous relationship. He may not be emotionally available. My date, for example, didn’t ask many questions to me when we matched on Tinder. He didn’t even try to google me.  He just said he wanted to meet him to see if we could be compatible. I already had some bad intuitions about our meeting.

Some of my dates did their homework before meeting me for the first time. One of them is a CEO, who always looks for informations about the person he will meet. It’s a good way to make the person feel interesting. I told him I ran at the time two blogs, and he read both of it before meeting me  and asked questions about it. He was one of the best dates I’ve been so far.

But I don’t say it’s always ill-fated to date a separated man, because it depends on how it ended, and also where he sits in his life.  A friend of mine left his previous relationship and wanted to live closer to his work. So when it was over, he moved out. He didn’t have many friends in common with his ex, who could have acted a cement between her and he. He didn’t have any child with her. So he had a fresh start in his new home town, and he wanted to share his experience with a new partner.

So, if he tells you he’s separated, ask questions about why it ended, and how he’s interacting with his future ex-wife. These are precious indications. But the most important is the way he treats you. If he doesn’t do what he promises, if he leaves you without contacting you for weeks, if he criticises you out of the blue and makes you feel belittled, if he cheats on you, maybe he’s not worth your time.

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