A while ago, I went to a date where the guy asked me if I was a chief in my company. I was shocked by his question because I thought he will reject me if I answered a negative sentence. But I told him the truth. And he never contacted me after our date. During our date, he also told me he collects art, and attends every art fair in my country. He mentioned one I often attend but never buy anything there because it’s too expensive for me. But he said he buys there one or two paintings every year.

I guess he was looking for a rich woman who leads a company. I’m not like that.

So, men have a precise idea of the woman who will share their existence. It depends on their values. On Tinder, I saw one guy who said in his profile he doesn’t want tattooed women. And who are not the queen of parties.

One of my friends always complains to me women are not attracted to him because he’s just a computer programmer. He says women are attracted by MD or architects. In fact, I only met once a woman who was looking for a MD. Most of my female friends are married either to their high school sweetheart or to someone they met regularly at the gym, at work, or during their hobbies. None of their husband is a MD nor an architect. In fact, architects marry architects and MD marry MD. Most of the time. Birds of a feather always fly together.

But my friend is also very picky with women he met.

I think we all look for someone who is compatible with us. That means someone who shares some common points and values with us. It could be the love of bicycles, bikes, money, loyalty, kindness, cinema, dance, …

Unfortunately, there are also people who are not with the best intentions. Narcissistic people will look for a victim. Greedy and shallow people will look for rich people to have a golden existence, even if they’re not rich. There are crooks in love.


Hard to love

“I’d rather be hard to love than easy to leave”

Some people are not easy to love. Sometimes, it’s because they are afraid to be disappointed or betrayed, so they keep a distance with every person who tries to have a relationship with them. They were betrayed in the past from an ex lover. And their heart is just locked. Chat échaudé craint l’eau chaude, we says in French. Sometimes it’s because they’re emotionally unavailable. People who are emotionally unavailable are either married, in another relationship, a star, or narcissistic, depressed, or have a child trauma. But even if they are emotionally unavailable, they still want to be loved.

When we try to have a relationship with someone who is hard to love, we can feel a lot of frustrations, because our significant other can be distant with us. They can be afraid of our attempts to be closer with them, either physically or emotionally. You tell them you love them, and they don’t answer or just disappear. You touch them and they back off.

Some people are fine like that. Because they are also avoidant. But if you are anxious, it can be difficult to bear. Unfortunately, people with anxious attachment are often attracted to people with avoidant attachment. It’s a toxic relationship because the anxious one will pursue the avoidant with the fear of losing them. While the avoidant will only pull away.

So, how could we love someone with avoidant attachment? Space is the sole answer. Live your own independent life. But you risk to take your heart and walk away.

Common sense would be to stay away from people who are emotionally unstable. Especially if you need to feel loved. But the heart sometimes wants something impossible.