broken heart, life, love, thoughts, women

The fragile seven years


Every couple is fragile during their first years together. The first seven years, if you can reach that stage, are the most fragile. Especially if you have children with your significant other. Or just one child. A child doesn’t cement your relationship. When you have a baby, your center of attention changes. All circle around your newborn. You don’ t sleep well because of your newborn, and you can stress about your little one because it’s a new experience and you can fear to do not well.  You can feel tired because of lack of sleep. And very irritable because of that.

On top of that, you can feel isolated from your significant other.  Because when we fall in love, we don’t focus on the little things unpleasant our significant other does. Worse, we can fall in love with someone who are just like the parent we have the most difficulties.  One of my friends fell in love with a woman who was terrorizing him, like his father did with him. She was mean with him. He even fell unconscious after a fight with her. All of his friends hated her. They told him he should leave her. But she left him after four years together for another man. And he still resented her.

Why  do we do that? Because we look for something familiar. But it’s ill-fated. Because we try to save our partner, to change him/her, in hope for a better future.  People don’t change much. If you can’t handle his/her defaults, you can grow tired of your significant other. 

I was touched by this post posted on the blog Broadside. She said her significant other is her rock. If you can’t say that about your significant other, maybe it’s time to question your relationship.  A rock is “someone you can turn to who’s as firm and solid as a boulder, something steady and calm to lean against and take shelter behind, a fixed point you know will be there the next day and the next and the next, no matter what happens” writes the author on her blog. In other words, your significant other should be your best friend. Not someone you can’t rely on.

A child is a blessing, but also a big challenge. It’s best if you can count on your significant other to care for your little one. Unfortunately, some men are scared by parenthood and find the easy way out. They spend more time at work, or take a mistress, or start a new passion, … anything that would make them unavailable.  By pulling out like that, chances are their significant other will grow apart from them.

So yes, we can choose the wrong person. And even marry that person. We all fail, from time to time. The long run will tell you if your significant other is your rock. The test of time is maybe the only way to know if you found the right person. That’s why the first seven years are important. Even if one of my friends took 11 years to realize her husband was the not the right one. And even me.

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