life, love, men, relationships

Losers of love

I finished reading “Eros Capital. Climats” by the philosopher and politician François de Smet. In his book, he describes the evolution of relationship between men and women,  focusing on heterosexual relationships. He says men had for centuries power and wealth. The trends is only changing nowadays. But because of that, women married for economic reasons. Because without a husband, they could not survive. Or survived as a prostitute. Which is not very appreciated in our society. The goal for women at that time was to get married.

The author reminds that today, women are independent because they have an access to work. Because of that, divorces are on the rise. Yet, in this society, there are people who are excluded from the love market. Poor men are excluded, and old women too, no matter if they’re rich or poor, according to him.”You wouldn’t find any medicine student in incel groups” he says, referring to men who gather online to trash women because they don’t have success with them. It reminds me of the ligue of lol, in France, who harassed online mainly female journalists, bloggers, or artists. I read some of the members of this Facebook group were rejected by one of their victims. It screams revenge.

In this society, it’s better to be rich if you’re a man, and beautiful and young, if you’re a woman. Every jar doesn’t have its lid, according to him. That’s why there’s a pressure for women to be beautiful, and to spend a lot of money on their beauty. There’s no guarantee now your marriage will last forever. Because love doesn’t last long, according to him. Maximum 3 years. Enough to get pregnant and to secure your kid a future, according to him.

Yes, his book is very depressing.

I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re single and not young. Especially now, with Valentine’s Day in two days.

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life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Different needs?

Getting your ex back

Recently, a scandal broke in France about some male journalists who created a Facebook group to mock bloggers, artists, journalists,… Especially female ones. Immediately, some articles about how some male journalists created a group on Slack called the Darrons or #radioBièreFoot. Those groups were just awful with female, especially young ones, journalists.

But it just says collaboration between male and female coworkers is still difficult nowadays. Before World War II, women were not a force in companies. They were most of the time housewives, who depended on their husband. My grandmothers were housewives. They raised my uncles, aunts, mother and father while taking care of the house. But no one of my aunts or mother is a housewife. They were or are still working for a hospital, a bank, a school. No one complained how difficult it was to work, but my mother, for example, was working with other women in her team. Even her boss was female. The same goes for my aunts.

It’s not my case. Even if during my college years, there were more women than men studying with me, in my professional career, I’m still a minority. As my profession is mostly a male one.

When I started to work, there was a scandal in my company about a guy who used to go to Thailand and Morocco and proposed BDSM, golden shower, and other joys, to women while promising them to marry them. Of course, he never married, but he collected pictures of his trophies, and shared it with his coworkers. It ended because one of the brothers of one of his victims recognized him and sued him. My coworker was fired because of that. But his male coworkers were not shocked by his attitude. They just found it funny.  Female employees in my company were just “stupid”, “desperate”, … Not very respected. Fortunately, some of those who were disrespectful either left or were let go and were replaced either by women or men who are respectful to everybody. There were just left two guys who flirted openly with the young female coworkers. During our office parties, one of them screamed he wanted to fuck X or Y, much to our dismay, and to the stupefaction of X or Y. Luckily, after many complaints to our HR, he was let go. The other one left us because he wanted to pursue other goals.

There are still tensions between opposite sex. Because we pursue different goals.  Women in general want equality, while men want to conquer. It ‘s difficult because of this.

 

 

 

 

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Love at work

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Recently, one of my friends told me she was shocked her boss has left his wife to start a relationship with one of his assistants. “It gives our company a bad publicity” she says. Unfortunately for her, work relationships are very common. A recent survey by Careerbuilder said that 36% of people admit they already had a relationship with one coworker, and 22% with their boss That doesn’t mean these are well accepted. In some companies, it is forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker. People can get fired for that. But it’s not the case everywhere. It depends on the policy of the company.

In my company, there are no rules. My boss is in a relationship with our head of marketing . They publicly revealed their relationship last year, during our office party, where they were kissing each other and holding hands, to much of our dismay. It just shocked some of my female coworkers, who remembered that the previous year, our boss was accompanied by his then-wife. Some of my coworkers are also together. At our last office party,  our photography director appeared inseparable from a tall blonde who works as a secretary for our boss.

In some companies, people are asked to sign a love contract when they are hired, in which they commit to reveal their possible future union(s). This kind of transparency can be damageable because depending of the policy of the company, you can be fired or asked to work for another department. No one wants to see intimacy at work. And also, it can spark jealousy if you are in a relationship with your boss, because people will suspect you have an advantage over your coworkers.

But I can’t understand why is it forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker, because with the evolution of the society, women are more and more gaining their independence, as they work, and are not a housewife most of the time. As a friend says, you spend most of your time at work, where temptations are high.

But there’s also a reason why it is forbidden to have a relationship at work: harassment. Company that forbids work relationship try to avoid situation where those who have power over a team abuse their power. Luckily for me, in my company, my boss and superiors never use their power to destroy my career because I refuse their advances. They never made any unwanted proposals to me.  Some companies want to avoid this because it’s easier to prevent that to have a problem with harassment, as there’s a law in my country against it.

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celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The best out of ten

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Is it possible to find your soul mate based on math? I read a post about it, and I’m not very convinced.

How it works is basically you take the number people that you think you could go on dates with in your lifetime and so, let’s say 100. And mathematicians say take the square root that number, so that would be 10, and then you go on dates with those 10 people and afterward you tell them all, “No thanks.” But you remember out of those 10 which one was the best person that you met?

Then keep going on more dates and the minute you find someone who is better than that best person out of the 10, that person is the closest thing mathematically to finding your soul mate.

Basically, you have to remind who was the best date you had  out of 10 people who turned you down, and find someone (who won’t turn you down) who’s better than that person. What happens if you never find that person? Of if that person want to end the relationship after just one month?

Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee your “best person” is available to you. And basing you strategy to find that “best person” on a date which wasn’t for you isn’t a good idea, no matter how that person was awesome.

Do you remind your best date out of the 10 people who told you “no thanks”? Personally, I don’t, since I want to forget any of my bad dates. It would be difficult to find someone who is better than that.

And you can be a serial date if you search for the best person.

And  the feeling  that’s it all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

There’s no rule to find your soul mate. The best advice  I guess it’s to find someone who treat you with respect mutually.

 

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