Cheating, with your partner’s agreement

If your significant gives you his/her blessing to have an affair, will you accept it? Emile Zola, a famous French writer, was married when he fell in love with a woman much younger than him. But he didn’t leave his wife. Instead, he made an agreement with his wife and his mistress. Both knew each other’s existence. His wife even recognized the mistress’s children as Zola sons.

Recently, a friend of mine told me her significant other told her to find a lover, but to avoid to let her know about it. My friend is torn between guilt and excitement about this. She says she can’t be unfaithful to her significant other. But she admits it’s been two years her sexual life is non existent because her significant other is sick. Her partner is almost twelve years older than her.As we grow old, unfortunately, our health declines.  My friend admits she would like to have sex with someone she wouldn’t have to see afterwards. In other words, she wants a one night stand. It’s possible for her to find what she wants. Although she recognizes it’s very risky.

But is it still considered cheating when your partner gives you his/her approval?

Besides, we’re jealous animals. And jealousy is a poison for every relationship.

Another friend of mine told me she asked her significant other to find a lover when she was sick. My friend has endometriosis, a disease that affects one woman out of ten. She has been through several surgical operations and premature menopause during long years. She told me she felt exhausted most of the time. And she felt bad for her partner. But her significant other has stuck to her during those times. And now, she’s about to give birth to a lovely little girl. I told her he did the right thing. Because if he were emotionally absent during her difficult times, he wouldn’t have been at her side.

For many people, infidelity is a way out of a relationship.


Invisible next to you

Recently, one of my friends told me he doesn’t want to be accompanied anymore to all the cocktail parties and official dinners he’s invited. My friend is a star in science. Every time he arrives in a room, everyone looks at him and wants to talk to him. When we go out together just for a walk, we’re always interrupted by people who want to talk to him. He’s not a star like Stromae or Justin Bieber, who can’t go out without provoking hysteria and lots of people who want to have a selfie, a picture, or a chat with them. But he’s not like me, who can walk in a park or an exhibition without being interrupted. 

Many women he dated had difficulty to stand next to him. One of his ex was even passive-aggressive with him. One of his ex was jealous of his success, and tried anything to bring him down. I was appalled by her behavior. I warned my friend she was mean with him. I asked him why he needs to be accompanied to his cocktail parties and official dinners. He didn’t reply, but I understand it’s important in high society to be plus one. In many people magazines, famous people are always accompanied by their plus one, usually the spouse.

I do understand his ex, though. Because it’s difficult to be the plus one of your significant other in official parties. In the film “The wife”, the character played by Glenn Close is shocked by her husband’s behavior during their stay in Stockholm. Joe Castleman says to his interlocutor his wife is bad at writing. People barely talk to her and are focused on her husband, who won the Nobel Prize of Literature.

It’s different from the experience I have with company parties. Usually, everyone knows each other during those parties, and with time, I’ve been introduced to every significant other of my coworkers. It was the same with my ex’s company parties. Usually, my coworkers stand next to their significant other all the time and don’t leave him/her alone. I only saw one exception once with my former boss and his wife. His wife was left alone at the bar while he was talking to everyone in the room. She always looked pissed. He never introduced her to us. I’ve never talked to her. I guess she has a difficulty to be next to him at official parties. 

So, what’s your behavior with your significant other during parties?



The Gossip

Yesterday, I learned the latest gossip inside my company. Two of my coworkers have started to date each other. They are very discrete because they are never together. I haven’t seen them together at the coffee machine, the mess or at the restaurant below my office where my other coworkers often meet. They arrived separately during our last Christmas party and left separately. She left very early while he was still there when I left. She even told me she loved me before leaving, much to my stupor.

She’s only 24. But she’s very beautiful. He’s 36, divorced, with two children.

She made the error to tell everything to one of my coworkers who can’t keep a secret. He have told everything to several of my coworkers since then. And it arrived to my ears.

Her lover was very mum on the other hand.

Luckily, he’s not his boss. But he has a greater list of contacts than her and knows every boss in my sector. He’s even friend with my former CEO.

But maybe she’s after his.

In other companies, they would be forced to reveal their relationship but it’s not the case in mine.

Love at work is very common nowadays. It happens.

But I’ve noticed the youngest women have much success than the older ones. In my company, there are many women who are single. Yet, he chooses the youngest one.

He could have chosen his coworker, who’s 41, divorced like him. I feel bad for her.


A murder

Recently, one of my friends brother passed away. He was only 35. He was murdered. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was at the worst place at the worst moment.

He was in love with a woman who was under threaten. Her ex didn’t cope with the break up, and wanted to kill her. My friend’s brother tried to protect her, but it wasn’t enough.

Last week, he was with her at his apartment, when her ex banged on the door. The ex found out his address because he knew some of his friends. He lied to them to get what he wanted.

My friend’s brother wanted to scare him, because he was strong. He used to lift weights. But it wasn’t enough. His murderer hit him with a knife by surprise, several times. He was stopped by three neighbors who heard the noise and called the police. In the ambulance, my friend’s brother passed away.

My friend is shocked for the moment, and doesn’t want to talk about it. I do understand.

But you never know all of the stories from your significant other. The past is difficult sometimes to reveal, especially when you were betrayed.

My friend said his brother never talked to him about his girlfriend’s past. He didn’t know how perturbed was her ex.

I don’t know if it would change the situation if he knew.

blogging, rant

Banned by Facebook

Last week, I had the unpleasant surprise to receive an notice for wordpress that I couldn’t link the posts from my blog to Facebook. I have a page on Facebook named like this blog. This page doesn’t allow anymore to see my posts on wordpress, and doesn’t allow any reader to click on the link to my blog on the Facebook page.

The blog Zero Hedge had known the same problem. The authors wrote a post about it and publicized on Twitter. It was retweeted by Donald Trump Jr and Nigel Farage ,among other. 24 hours later, this blog was available again on Facebook. Zero Hedge even received apologizes from Facebook, saying it was a mistake.

I didn’t receive any warning from Facebook before being banned. My page on Facebook still exist. The links I posted from sites like Vanity Fair, Business Insider, the Economist, the Financial Times, … are still on that page. But every post from this blog disappeared.

Facebook only says my blog is against their community standards. But they didn’t explain why.

This blog is not racist, doesn’t promote hate, and isn’t mean to people, so I don’t understand.

I don’t depend on Facebook to get more traffic on this blog. In fact, only my friends use my Facebook page to get access to my latest post on this blog. So it’s sad the “social media” doesn’t allow my friends to click on my links anymore. I don’t understand.

I can’t even send the link on this post on Messenger.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The Dylan McKay

Luke Perry, who just passed away (R.I.P) was known for his character in Beverly Hills 90210: Dylan McKay. When I was young, every of my female friend wished secretly to have a boyfriend like him. Because women don’t like when it’s too easy… But in my high school, none of the guys were close to Dylan McKay. No one rode a Porsche,  read poetry, and was rich that much in my High School. And guys who were tormented were just weirdo. Girls didn’t circle them. In other words, there were a lot of Brandon, aka the nice guy, in male groups during my high school. But no Dylan McKay.

My high school sweetheart was a bit tormented though, especially during the last year of our class. He was drunk most of the time when we used to go out with our group, during concerts, parties, exhibitions, … Once, he even ended in jail for destructing a booth in a fair, under the influence of alcohol. So in a sense, he was a bit a Dylan McKay. In other words, he was a bad boy.

Women are driven to bad boys. Recently, one of my coworkers told me she felt attracted to a TV anchor  who used to be a thief and ended in jail. “There’s something about him” she told me. 

But the Dylan McKay is just a fling. No one expected to end up in a long term relationship with a bad boy. Jonathan Franzen, in his book “Freedom”, theorizes this. Patty, his main character, end up with Walter, the nice guy, and not Richard, the bad boy, who just wants to remain alone.

It reminds me about the book “antifragile” written by the mathematician Nassim Taleb. He says women should marry the accountant or the economist, the boring guy,  who can provide, and have a good time with the rock star, aka the bad boy, once in a while. So, the Dylan McKay isn’t a good option. Unless you enjoy to be in a relationship that is like a roller coaster.

life, love, men, relationships

Losers of love

I finished reading “Eros Capital. Climats” by the philosopher and politician François de Smet. In his book, he describes the evolution of relationship between men and women,  focusing on heterosexual relationships. He says men had for centuries power and wealth. The trends is only changing nowadays. But because of that, women married for economic reasons. Because without a husband, they could not survive. Or survived as a prostitute. Which is not very appreciated in our society. The goal for women at that time was to get married.

The author reminds that today, women are independent because they have an access to work. Because of that, divorces are on the rise. Yet, in this society, there are people who are excluded from the love market. Poor men are excluded, and old women too, no matter if they’re rich or poor, according to him.”You wouldn’t find any medicine student in incel groups” he says, referring to men who gather online to trash women because they don’t have success with them. It reminds me of the ligue of lol, in France, who harassed online mainly female journalists, bloggers, or artists. I read some of the members of this Facebook group were rejected by one of their victims. It screams revenge.

In this society, it’s better to be rich if you’re a man, and beautiful and young, if you’re a woman. Every jar doesn’t have its lid, according to him. That’s why there’s a pressure for women to be beautiful, and to spend a lot of money on their beauty. There’s no guarantee now your marriage will last forever. Because love doesn’t last long, according to him. Maximum 3 years. Enough to get pregnant and to secure your kid a future, according to him.

Yes, his book is very depressing.

I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re single and not young. Especially now, with Valentine’s Day in two days.