Nassim Taleb, a mathematician, wrote in his book “Skin in the game: hidden asymmetries in daily life” that we should ask our grandmother for advices in life rather than listening to psychologists.
If you hear advice from a grandmother or elders, odds are that it works 90 percent of the time. On the other hand, in part because of scientism, and academic prostitution, in part because the world is hard, if you read anything by psychologists and behavorial scientists, odds are it works less than 10 percent unless it is also been covered by the grandmother and the classics, in which case why would you need a psychologist?
Your grandmother and older people have a better experience of life than you. That experience is valuable.
Even for love advices, it’s better to listen to your grandmother or older people than psychologists. One of my coworkers, who’s 65, always tells me not to be too difficult in choosing a partner. “Because nobody is perfect” he says. He also tells me that love takes time and that you can’t get someone to treat you right immediately. “You only measure the true value of someone if he/ she’s still by your side after many years” he says.
It takes years to really know someone. So the person you have just met on Tinder doesn’t offer you any guarantee you’re in good company. Of course, if the person is verbally or physically agressive with you, you should run away immediately. Like one of my older friends says, people don’t change much over time. She told me that once when I complained to her about an ex of mine, who never contacted me. “He will never contact you. He will never change” she said. And she was right.
I read recently an article written by a psychologist who said we deserve someone who is sure about us, and not someone who sees you as good enough, until they find someone better. But how can you be sure about someone you’ve just met?
My older friend is also less critical when I tell her about my relationship problems. She doesn’t tell me I should leave.