Our relationship with our parents determines a lot our future love life. For women, the bond we have with our father plays an important role in our choice of men. But some women haven’t had the chance (or have the luck) to know their father. Either because their mom chose to raise them on their own, because they were an “accident” and the biological father didn’t want to take his responsibilities, either because their parents divorced when they were young and because their father just disappeared into nature/ started a new family with another woman and neglected his past one. “My parents divorced when I was three, and he moved to another country, so I barely remember anything from him. Especially since he didn’t want to keep contact with me. I haven’t received any single letter, phone call, … from him since he was gone” P., 35, said.”My father was a pathetic loser, but I ignored completely his existence until once, my mom told me the truth about him. I needed to know who he was, so I did a bit of researches, and found him. My mom didn’t want to tell me how he was, just that she met him in a bar and got accidentally pregnant when they slept together. For me, it was a shock, I couldn’t imagine he would be so pathetic since my mom did a wonderful job raising me on her own”R., 31, said. “My father died in an accident when I was one year old” L., 34, said.
How does the lack of a father figure affect our love life? A friend of mine, who was raised by her mom, admits her choice of dating older men than her is linked with her relationship with her dad. “My father, well, I was glad my mom got rid of him when I was four. I have a really low esteem for him. For me, he’s just a loser. A few years ago, he wanted to come back into our lives, but I pleaded my mom not to take him back, and she didn’t” she said. “In my love life, I go unconsciously for much older men than me. When I was 16, I was dating a men who had 35 and two children. Now, my man is 52 , and has also two lovely daughters. I want an accomplished man, who’s the exact opposite of my father” she said. I., 32, admits she looks for someone who will be “her father, her confident, her lover and her friend”. “My mom left my dad when I was five, because he was abusive and violent with her. I promised to myself at that age I would never marry a man like him. Now, I can disqualify a man just because he lost temporarily his temper” she said.
The lack of a father can also affect our self-esteem, and have disastrous consequences on our love life. “I never knew my father. My mom decided to keep me while he wanted her to abort, and he disappeared into nature after I was born. I suffered a lot of not having a father, and I had a really low self-esteem when I was younger. My love life was a catastrophe. I dated only men who weren’t good for me and who kept on tormenting my heart, until one day, I decided to go to therapy” O., 36, said.
So, does you relationship with your father influence your taste in men? And for men reading this, does the way your father treat your mother affect your love life?