life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Love at work

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Recently, one of my friends told me she was shocked her boss has left his wife to start a relationship with one of his assistants. “It gives our company a bad publicity” she says. Unfortunately for her, work relationships are very common. A recent survey by Careerbuilder said that 36% of people admit they already had a relationship with one coworker, and 22% with their boss That doesn’t mean these are well accepted. In some companies, it is forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker. People can get fired for that. But it’s not the case everywhere. It depends on the policy of the company.

In my company, there are no rules. My boss is in a relationship with our head of marketing . They publicly revealed their relationship last year, during our office party, where they were kissing each other and holding hands, to much of our dismay. It just shocked some of my female coworkers, who remembered that the previous year, our boss was accompanied by his then-wife. Some of my coworkers are also together. At our last office party,  our photography director appeared inseparable from a tall blonde who works as a secretary for our boss.

In some companies, people are asked to sign a love contract when they are hired, in which they commit to reveal their possible future union(s). This kind of transparency can be damageable because depending of the policy of the company, you can be fired or asked to work for another department. No one wants to see intimacy at work. And also, it can spark jealousy if you are in a relationship with your boss, because people will suspect you have an advantage over your coworkers.

But I can’t understand why is it forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker, because with the evolution of the society, women are more and more gaining their independence, as they work, and are not a housewife most of the time. As a friend says, you spend most of your time at work, where temptations are high.

But there’s also a reason why it is forbidden to have a relationship at work: harassment. Company that forbids work relationship try to avoid situation where those who have power over a team abuse their power. Luckily for me, in my company, my boss and superiors never use their power to destroy my career because I refuse their advances. They never made any unwanted proposals to me.  Some companies want to avoid this because it’s easier to prevent that to have a problem with harassment, as there’s a law in my country against it.

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celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The best out of ten

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Is it possible to find your soul mate based on math? I read a post about it, and I’m not very convinced.

How it works is basically you take the number people that you think you could go on dates with in your lifetime and so, let’s say 100. And mathematicians say take the square root that number, so that would be 10, and then you go on dates with those 10 people and afterward you tell them all, “No thanks.” But you remember out of those 10 which one was the best person that you met?

Then keep going on more dates and the minute you find someone who is better than that best person out of the 10, that person is the closest thing mathematically to finding your soul mate.

Basically, you have to remind who was the best date you had  out of 10 people who turned you down, and find someone (who won’t turn you down) who’s better than that person. What happens if you never find that person? Of if that person want to end the relationship after just one month?

Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee your “best person” is available to you. And basing you strategy to find that “best person” on a date which wasn’t for you isn’t a good idea, no matter how that person was awesome.

Do you remind your best date out of the 10 people who told you “no thanks”? Personally, I don’t, since I want to forget any of my bad dates. It would be difficult to find someone who is better than that.

And you can be a serial date if you search for the best person.

And  the feeling  that’s it all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

There’s no rule to find your soul mate. The best advice  I guess it’s to find someone who treat you with respect mutually.

 

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The danger of Tinder

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This week, a TV reporter made a video about her experience with Tinder. During the two months she was registered, she met two men who were very disrespectful with her. One used a model photo he found on google images for his profile. He arrived at their date two hours late, with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. He told her not to be stressed. And proposed to her to go to his place. The other one was very odd at the start, sending her sexual messages on their first contact. She reluctantly met him at a bar. He wanted to go to her place. And said it’s like that with Tinder. At the end of the conversation, he asked her if she wanted to touch her when she goes home. And sends her a pick of his dick.

Unfortunately, there are weirdos on Tinder. But one alarm should ring immediately if you see a photo of a man who looks like a model, if he matches with you. Even if you’re a model yourself, you should be extra careful with the picture. People lie easily on internet. When it seems too good to be true, it’s not true. It’s not a good idea to swipe right on a profile with pictures of his bare chest. Unless you only want to have sex, at your own risk.  It’s not a good idea to accept a drink right away after just two exchanges.  If he offers you to exchange phone numbers, accept. Because you will have access to his real name, and to his Facebook profile, Linkedin profile, … Especially if he has a public profile on Facebook. What he posts on Facebook is very revealing of his personality.  If he jokes on women on his profile, there are chances he will be horrible with you. It’s not a good idea to invite a total stranger to your place, or to meet a total stranger at his place for the first time. I’ve heard countless stories of women who found her date touching himself when they went to his place, or who were just watching porn.

Whitney Wolfe, the co founder of Tinder, and the CEO of Bumble, advises people to put several pictures of themselves (and not mirror selfies, group pictures, picture with a woman). Because it helps to tell who you are. I tend to swipe right men who put several pictures of themselves and a little bio. It’s a sign they’re not  looking just for a one night stand.

There are people who are looking for a serious relationship on Tinder. It’s just a way to meet people. Unfortunately, there are impostors, crooks, womanizers, sociopaths on Tinder as well.

Even if it’s Tinder, you should take you time. Time is your friend to know more about a total stranger. I still discover new things about the man I met on Tinder two years ago, and who has become a good friend of mine.

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The 2018 review

So, this year is almost at its end. Like all the years before, it’s my review of the year. Feel free to use the same questions.

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? 

Gathering all of my friends for my birthday, who never met each other before.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  

I don’t make new year’s resolutions. I just change a bit of my habits during the year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?  No.

5. What countries did you visit?  Croatia, UK, France, the Netherlands

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?  a significant other

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

14 february: For once, I had a good Valentine’s day

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Gaining maturity

9. What was your biggest failure? The end of my blog (not this one though). And David.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Clothes.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Cecilia Djunga, a TV presentator, who stands against racists.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Donald Trump.

14. Where did most of your money go? housing and car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Gathering all of my friends. And organizing my birthday.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Thank u, next- Ariana Grande
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

Sadder. A little bit thinner. Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Traveling more.

Seeing more exhibitions.

Going to lectures and the opera.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Spending time to wait for people who don’t give a damn about me.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes

24. What was the best book you read?  

La confiance – Charles Pepin

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?  Chvrches

26. What did you want and get?  reconciling with one of my friends

27. What did you want and not get? A meaningful relationship.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?  

Three Billboards

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Drinking champagne!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?   Luck in love

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?

Flowers, flowers, flowers. And black, black, black.

32. What kept you sane? My friends and family.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 

No inspiration this year.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?  The Brexit

35. Who did you miss? C., but I’ll move on.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Walt

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018. People don’t change, but we can adjust to them

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year

Wasn’t it gonna be fun and wasn’t it gonna be new?
Wasn’t it gonna be different and wasn’t it gonna be true?
Didn’t you say that? Didn’t you say that?
Didn’t you say that? Didn’t you say that?

Weren’t you gonna be sorry and weren’t you gonna be pure?
Weren’t we gonna be honest and weren’t we gonna be more?
Didn’t you say that? Didn’t you say that?
Didn’t you say that? Didn’t you say that?

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The unlikely seducers

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In the movie “Wild life”, Jeanette, the lead female character, finds herself in an affair with a much older man than her husband. Her lover isn’t handsome, but he’s rich, and full of promises. The film doesn’t show who made the first move, but it’s understood that he was the one to pursue Jeanette.

It takes two to tango. Jeanette could refuse his advances. But she’s seduced by him. But why does she choose him? In an interview, Carey Mulligan explains Jeanette is angry.  She’s angry because her family has moved 8 times, as her husband can’t find a good job. She’s angry because all of sudden, her husband decides to leave for a dangerous job. She feels her world is collapsing.

In theory,  a seducer should be a handsome man. But it’s not always the case. The word “handsome” doesn’t pop into my mind when I see one of my ex-coworkers, who tried to seduce every female journalist in my newsroom. He didn’t score with everyone, but he managed to seduce two of my female coworkers. The guy has a long list of contacts, who could introduce him to the greatest exhibitions, cocktail parties, concerts… in my country. He’s also very charming with women in general. He can’t help giving compliments to a woman during a simple conversation.

Another one in my newsroom just preys on the young one who are just recruited in my company. Usually, the young recruit doesn’t know anyone in the company yet, and is relieved to have someone to talk to at the coffee machine or at the cafeteria. At least, at the very beginning.

Michel Houellebecq, in “Particules élementaires”, writes men who used to be bullier when they were younger have easier than other men to seduce beautiful women, as they have understood how to seduce them. He doesn’t say if those women felt weak, but in his book, the bullier ends up with a beautiful but fragile orphan woman.

Of course, it helps if the man is handsome. But there are handsome men who are not at ease with women in general. And not that charming. In my newsroom, one of our photographers is a very handsome man. But he’s shy and doesn’t hit on the female workers.  As women don’t like when it’s too easy,  they are numerous in my company who offer him to have a lunch with them.  Sometimes, he just likes to eat on his own, reading his magazine.

 

 

 

 

 

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Instalove

Is it possible to fall in love with one of your followers on Instragram? Yes. The most popular example is Ricky Martin, who fell in love with a painter who follows him on Instagram . He followed him back and started to like each other posts. But it can also happen between people who aren’t popular. Recently, one of my friends told me her cousin is currently in a relationship with an actor she met on Instagram. My friend was appalled when she told me that. “They met each other one year ago on that social media. He started to follow her on Instagram and she followed him back. My cousin is very active on that app. She posts a lot of her pictures where she poses as if she was a famous model. But she isn’t one. She never made it on a runway or in a magazine. Yet, she manages to collect followers, because her pictures are very professional. And she travels a lot. It helps her to have something to post. That’s how she managed to catch her significant other ‘s attention ” my friend says.

“But so far, they have only met in real life once, during one month. She traveled to his country to meet him. Because they don’t live in the same country. Since then, they have posted pictures together, and she has gained a lot of new followers because her man is quite known in his country. He plays one important role in a soap opera very popular there” she adds.

In other words, my friend ‘s cousin is currently in a long distance relationship. Instagram was just a way to meet her significant other. My friend isn’t optimistic for her relationship. “My cousin did long studies and earn a high position in her company. I can’t see her quit her life to be with him. And I don’t see him quitting his acting profession to come here and stand next to her” she says. But maybe they will find a solution.

That’s the problem with Instagram. It connects people globally.

Yet, on Tinder, I notices some profiles linked to their Instagram account. I don’t know if this is helpful to have a date. Usually, men post insignificant pictures on Instagram and they are not very active. It’s difficult to stand out, unless you’re an artist.

So, it’s very particular to find your significant other on Instagram.

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

In love with your male friend

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Friendship between opposite sex is often difficult, because of the sexual tension. Even if you’re both gay, it’s complicated. One of my female friends, who is lesbian, told me she’s attracted to one of her male friends, who is gay. There’s always a grey line. My friend even flirts with him in front of her significant other and his other one during parties. Usually, it turns into a fight with her significant other who is jealous. And it’s worse when my friend is drunk.  When she drinks to much, and her male friend too, they can’t help to touch each other. Her significant other is so pissed she starts to cry and leave. My friend is often sorry for that, and apologizes all of the time. Her male friend has also difficulties to keep any relationship because of her.

I asks her if she would consider dating her male friend. But my friend replies she can’t because he’s not interested. “I just feel he doesn’t love me like I do” she told me. She never told him she loves him. Because she also loves her significant, and doesn’t want to lose her.

It’s possible to fall in love with two different people, but not at the same time. My friend met her significant other at her gym class seven years ago, while she met her male friend two years ago, in a bar. He was the bartender.

But how do you know you’re in love with your male friend? Usually, if you can’t help talking about him/her to your friends, family, etc, it’s a good indication. If you feel jealous when your male friend likes pictures of other women, or talk to other women, it’s also a sign. But the opposite can also be true, because your male friend can also feel in love with you. A good sign is his jealousy, especially when you date other men. He won’t find any of your dates worth for you.

And the feeling doesn’t disappear if you have an other significant other.

 

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