broken heart, celibacy, relationships, thoughts, women

Sever the ties

After a break up, the wisest thing to do is to spend time way apart from our ex. It’s important to do so, because otherwise, we can have our heart broken again.

The distance is important to help us move on.  It’s also a reminder that the one we loved and who broke our heart isn’t the center of the universe.

Taking your distance implies cutting all contacts with your ex for a while. It will help you to grieve your past relationship. Let’s be honest, when it’s over, we can feel a wide range of emotions, going from sadness, to anger, to hope and desperation. But we have to go through this grieving and unpleasant period to get over our past relationship. Because it helps us getting in touch with ourselves.

A broken heart also gives you a strange energy. In adverse times, we all develop mechanisms of survival.  A broken heart can give us pain chest and weaken our body.  But our body responds against this.

Some people used that energy to start something new. Look at Steve Jobs. When he got fired from Apple in the 80’s, he bounced back and founded Pixar, then NeXT, only to come back with a vengeance at Apple years later, to save the company.

The singer Adele also used her broken heart to write her best selling album, 21. These examples are numerous.

That’s why it’s important to find something to do, something you like but you never had the time to do because you were in a relationship, when it’s over.

And this is only possible if we sever the ties with our ex.

But sometimes, it’s hard to really take a distance with our ex. Today, I got reminded on how difficult to forget completely about my ex. When we evolve in the same professional circle or have a family with our ex, cutting all contacts can be difficult. But it’s possible to limit the exchanges to the minimum with our ex.

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wedding, women

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Last week, one of my single friends attended a friend of hers’ wedding, and went back from this a little bit bitter. “Don’t you realize she was the Bridget Jones type of women, that collected disastrous relationships until she met her husband, and got married straight away with him? I can’t believe she did that. She’s heading for another failure, I’m afraid” she told me.

In a time where most couples choose to wait to get married or just choose not to get married at all, this really sounds premature. But I’ve met some fast couples like that who are still married today. “We married only one month after we met. I knew that she was the one I was looking for the day she came into my life. For me, there was no doubt we would marry someday, so it wasn’t a problem to anticipate that day a little bit. We’ve been married for eight years now, and I don’t regret anything at all” J., 33, said. “I’ve been through many disappointments in my love life, but when he came into my life, I immediately knew he was different from all my ex. We met in a bar and chatted all night long until the morning, and ended up sharing our breakfast in a cafe down my apartment. He promised me to take me to a restaurant that evening, and he stuck to his promise, unlike all my ex. Everything we did together was obvious. I gave him the key just one week after, we started to make common plans almost immediately after, even if my friends told me to slow things down, and we got married just three months after we met”G., 32, explained.

On the other hand, I’ve also met some fast couples who didn’t last that long. “We felt immediately in love with each other and married three months after we first met. But we were both young and a little bit immature at that time, and didn’t realize what we were doing and what a marriage is all about, with the ups, but also the downs. After we got married, we couldn’t stop fighting with each other, and he ended up leaving the house because he had enough of my bad character. We divorced after one year and a half spent together” M., 29, said. “We got married quickly because I got pregnant on the first night we spent together. We did absolutely all we could to make our marriage works, but we realized we didn’t have anything in common, and that we would be better off without each other. We did stay friends for our son afterwards, though” B., 31, said.

Getting married when you only know each other for a few months, or even weeks, and hoping it will last is like playing at the lottery. You have many chances to lose, and very few chances to win. Besides, in the first months of a relationship, you barely act rational because limerence blinds you.

I just hope my friend’s friend will be happy in her marriage and that it will last.

So, here the question of the day: if you met the One, would you wait to get married or would you jump into it as soon as possible?

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