Risky business (Ashley Madison hacked)

Ashley Madison, the extramarital dating site, has been hit by a cyberattack. The hackers threaten to leak the personal details of users. This site has more than 30 millions users in North America.

It seems there’s nowhere to be safe on internet. And this case is a reminder that everything you publish online, even if it’s private, has the chance to be exposed to the public at least once. Not so long ago, stars like Jennifer Lawrence got their iPhone hacked and the hackers leaked their personal photos. The hackers picked all the stars who sent naked pictures of themselves to their significant other. And of course, they choose the young and attractive ones. Not to mention the numerous cases of revenge porn, where the angry ex-lovers publish their ex’s naked picture on forums and public website.

The hackers have a common goal: shaming. As various medias wrote, divorce lawyers could have a great week with this Ashley Madison scandal.

But who are the users of Ashley Madison? Not so long ago, GQ wrote an article about the Married women of AshleyMadison. Through these profiles, you can get an idea about their counterparts. Sometimes, there are politicians, athletes, CEOs, … I guess since Anthony Wiener got caught on Twitter hitting on women, other politicians have tried to get more cautious and use Ashley Madison to find women (or men) who will remain mum about their affairs.

In that article, the married women can also have a high-powered career, that could be torpedoed. Plus, in american companies, if you’re an adulterer,  you’re likely to be fired. In Europe, especially in France (and even in Germany), people are much more comfortable with infidelity, it’s not a big deal, as mentioned Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg in their book “Modern Romance”. I don’t say everyone here is ok with infidelity. But you can’t be fired because you got caught cheating on your significant other. In my company (in Belgium), one of my coworkers got caught cheating with the receptionist. He’s still working for us. As for the receptionist, unfortunately, after our company got merged, we had to let her go.

Cheaters never win.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Are men with high IQ more faithful?

Albert Einstein, the famous physicist, had an IQ of 162. When he got famous for his theory about relativity, he started to collect a lot of mistresses. 

His first marriage was also doomed because he started to cheat on his wife, who watched him slowly going away from her,  with his cousin. After his divorce, he got married quickly to his cousin, who admired him, unlike his first wife who was also a physicist and could criticize his work. But his second marriage was doomed too, because of his theory about relativity which made him famous and offered him to travel around the world like a rock star to explain it.

So, if Einstein should serve as an example, he would invalidate this study which found that men with high IQ place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity than their less intelligent peers.

I know another example invalidating this theory. He also has an IQ of 162, like Einstein, but he’s not a physicist. He’s an economist. 

He got married twice, and cheated on his wives several times. He still collects many mistresses now. It’s not very difficult. Women run after him, as if he was a rock star too.

People are just fascinated by him. So they invite him everywhere to speak about his theories. No, he’s not Thomas Piketty nor Paul Krugman, but he’s famous in my country, and starts to be famous too in France. Every conference he gives, every seminar he’s invited to attract a lot of people, including women. 

Unlike Einstein, celebrity didn’t offer him many opportunities to cheat.  He was already unfaithful when he wasn’t famous.

But he’s an example too of a man with high IQ who doesn’t place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity.

Like this article said, men with high IQ are more likely to lie. So, it’s possible that people didn’t answer honestly to the survey. After all, a recent study shows rich people don’t  realize they are richer than they think.

Some people lie to themselves. Even men with high IQ.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Go with the flow

When you break up with someone, how long do you wait to dive back into a new relationship? Normally, you will wait until you’re over with your ex to move on with someone new. This period of transition can take weeks, months and even years depending on the depth of your past relationship, and on the fact you were the one that was dumped or the one who left. But for some reasons, people don’t respect that period and end up in what we call rebound relationship. Sometimes, some people did it on purpose, because they can’t stand being alone and just need a shoulder (and more) to cry on. But sometimes, it’s just a question of misunderstanding of your feelings. You think you’re ready to move on, but you’re not.

“I was dumped by my ex after three years spent together. We just moved into our new apartment when he decided to split up. I was devastated, but I needed at that time someone to help me make that difficult transition. So, one month after the break up, and after many many cries, I started a new relationship with someone else. I didn’t love him, but he was a sweet and caring guy. It didn’t last long with him, because we had nothing in common, but he just helped me to recover” H., 35, said.

After twelve years of marriage where I had nothing to say and endure a terrible lover in bed, I just needed to feel like a woman. I had never that sensation when I was married. I met J. in a holiday resort two months after my separation and the way he looked at me just gave me the confidence I needed. I discovered some parts of me that were hidden during my marriage. I felt like a new person. Of course, it didn’t last with J., and I knew that back home, I will have to face my ex-husband and my life, but this ephemeral relationship helped me a lot to make things clear in my mind” P., 41.

Those two women had obviously needed a substitute either for love either for confidence. In those two cases, they had the chance to find a man comprehensive enough (or just there to bang them) to be the rebound man and just let them go away. But what if the person you choose to help you gain your confidence back falls in love with you? There’s always the risk you can break somebody else’s heart by doing so.

Then, there’s the case where you think you’re over your ex, but you’re not, and commit into a relationship.

“I thought I was over my ex for a long time. But when I started dating D., I had flashes of my past relationship that kept on coming back in my head. Everything D. did to me, I had to compare it with what my ex did to me. I got mad at D. for doing things differently than my ex. Finally, he just left me because he had enough, and I was left again with a broken heart” R., 34, explained.

I called my new man by my ex’s name several times, even though it had been months since our relationship ended. I realized I wasn’t over him yet, and I broke up with the other man”  T., 32, said.

It’s never pleasant to have to deal with such a situation. The key is to choose what you really want, a substitute for love, or getting over your past relationship.

So, when do you know you’re completely over your ex?

celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Why can’t we be friends?

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? Cynical people would say yes, but only if the man is gay. In fact, it’s more complicated than that. Actually, it depends on a lot of different factors. If the woman is drop dead gorgeous, having male friends who aren’t gay or not attracted to her is quite a challenge. Honestly, would you be able to be friend, and only friend, with Gisele Bundchen, if you’re straight?

The laws of attraction are inevitable with such a creature if you’re not blind or gay. On the other hand, women like this have a better chance to have male friends. And even only male friends, but no man in her life, as she is considered as the good friend, not a potential lover.

But the attraction (or not) and the homosexuality/blindness are not the only criteria that determine if a true friendship is possible between a man and a woman. When I ask around me how many male friends women have, some of them tell me they only have gay friends, some of them only female friends, and then some of then told me they have straight male friends (and not fuck friends).

My two best friends are men, and they are my exes. It didn’t work when we were together, but we managed to turn our past relationships into a true friendship. One of them has become the godfather of my daughter. I trust them, and they have trust in me” M.,35, said.

“R. is a man I met through the dating sites. We chatted a lot on Internet before we met for the first time, and when we met, there was no spark at all between us. We decided to remain friends anyway, and he has become like a brother to me. He’s always there when I need him, and he can count on me too” B., 30.

This means obviously that we have to pass the attraction we feel for each other. But sometimes, the attraction isn’t there at first, and it develops slowly as years go by.

We were best friends when we were kids, but when we grew up, he became a problem for all the guys I dated, and I became a problem for all the girls he dated. They were all jealous of the bond we had together. Then, he met a girl he really fell in love with, and took his distance with me. I became jealous, and I made everything possible to make them split up. Unfortunately, they didn’t split up, and he was mad at me for trying to ruin his relationship. I decided to move in another town to get away from him, and I never saw him again afterwards”J., 30, said.

“We used to be roommates, and women used to come and go in his bedroom. So, obviously, I didn’t want to be one of them, and was happy just to be his friend. But one night, we went out in a bar with a group of friends, and we drank too much. We ended up by sleeping with each other at the end of the night, and this is how our friendship ended. I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with him because I knew he would never change. But he wanted me to try. I just decided to move out of the apartment, and stopped seeing him” L., 36, explained.

So, here’s the question: do you think it’s possible to be friend with the opposite sex for good?

celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Shooting star

Short men have no chances to score with women. At least, if you believe this study. Yet, I’m not convinced at all, since I have plenty examples around me to prove the contrary. But it’s true that when you ask around you what kind of men women wants, you’ll get a vast majority of preference for tall guys. Why? Some women need to feel protected and to feel like “a little thing to be cuddled”. Of course, we’re not all like that. And one of my friends, who’s lesbian, finds this really stupid, since she doesn’t care at all about this aspect when she seeks for a partner.” I don’t need to feel protected, and I don’t know if I’m able to protect my partner”. I agree (partly) with her.

Tous les goûts sont dans la nature“, like we say in French. Some women like tall men, some other like short ones. And I believe, when it comes to love, that the problem of height doesn’t matter at all. Look at the celebrities. The most obvious example of this is Tom Cruise.

If you don’t take into account his romance with Penelope Cruz, all the women he married so far were taller than him.

First, Nicole Kidman.

Then, with Katie Holmes.

And Mimi Rogers was also taller than him, if I remember well.

On the celibacy market however, you would probably have a better chance to score if you’re tall (for a man) and short (for a woman). Most of my single friends (and I) have admitted they would spontaneously go and flirt with a tall man rather than a short one. At least, a man taller that they are. And when your height is above 5’9″ for a woman, it gets trickier.

I read recently an interview of a French actress, not very popular, who was elected Miss Corsica when she was young. She said that despite of her beauty, she wasn’t asked out very often because of her height. “I learned that humor and repartee are the most precious weapons of seduction you can have” she said.

So, when Mother Nature didn’t give you any advantage in beauty, you have to compensate with your personality (or something else). In that sense, the actress mentioned above is truly right.

Besides, there’s tall and tall. There will always be someone shorter than you, likewise, there will always be someone taller than you. A short man for one woman isn’t short for another one. A tall woman for one man wouldn’t be tall for another one. It’s a question of perspective.

And when it comes to love, being tall or not has its advantages and its disadvantages. For example, if you’re short and he/she’s short, you won’t have neck problems if you kiss. Likewise, your mutual heights allow you to experiment or not certain positions when it comes to sex.

On this practical aspect :mrgreen: , here’s the question of the day: What do you look for in a potential partner (physically speaking)?