broken heart, celibacy, relationships, thoughts, women

The St Bernard

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A St Bernard type of personality is characterised by a will to do everything to save the other. Those who work in the medical profession like MD, nurses, social assistants, …are prone to this kind of personality. But in relationship, it could backfire.

I met recently a guy who told me he was a saviour. He just got out of a relationship with a bipolar woman. “She was everything I want from a woman, except she was really violent with me” he told me. He added he lost a lot of money to help her during his relationship with her. And he gained 22 pounds during his relationship, as if he wanted to protect him from her. He also told me he was seeing a psychologist. “Why did you choose a woman who was fragile?” I asked him. He replied he thought he could change her.

It’s foolish because bipolar personality can’t be healed by love, unfortunately. Bipolar people often end alone so yes, you can feel guilty to leave them alone. But sometimes, it’s best to take your distance. “My wife and her sister don’t speak to their dad anymore. He’s bipolar, and when he’s in his “up” period, he harasses  them on the phone. He even showed several times at their office just to speak to them. He got beaten in the street, several times, by men. I guess he insulted them. One day, we fear he will die like that” said one of my friends.

St Bernard people hope to change positively their significant other. They choose people with an addiction like drugs or alcohol (or both), who have mental problems, financial problems, … with the hope to save them. It may work in short term, because those with an addiction can stop to use drug or drink alcohol. But there is always a risk they could return to their addiction.  Some people with financial problems can be always caught in those problems, especially those who are shopping compulsive. Yet, they stay in the relationship, ever if the relationship is toxic for them. One of my friends often cries when she speaks about her significant other, who is toxic to her. But it’s been seven years now they are together, and she doesn’t want to leave her, even though she started to cheat on her significant other. My friend is always broke because she pays everything for her significant other, who often get fired from her job.

But sometimes, we search for familiar situations in our relationship, which related to our difficult childhood. St Bernard people are not immune from this.

 

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broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

No line on the horizon

Recently, I went to lunch with a friend of mine, who has some troubles in her love life right now. She’s in a strange relationship with a man who’s obviously emotionally unavailable, and this drives her crazy. “It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions with him. He can make me so happy, but then after, he can act totally detached from me. I don’t know on what foot to stand with him. It’s like a Scottish shower. Hot at the beginning, then cold as hell”  she said.

She told me that since she knows him, he has always reacted like that. “We started to date after he declared his flame to me.  But not immediately after. It was touching. He said I was the best thing that happened to him since he was born. He told me  I was beautiful, witty and funny. He even bought me flowers for that. I didn’t know what to say. I just thanked him, and ran away. I was mortified, I didn’t know what to say. He’s the kind of men who’s way out of my league, brilliant, cultivated, charming, with a je-ne-sais-quoi that is just magnetic. Next to him, I just feel stupid. I couldn’t believe a man like that could be interested  in an ordinary girl like me. It took me two days to get my act together and told him how I felt about him. He thanked me, coldly. Then disappeared for a whole week. I was petrified. I thought it was my fault. Then, I asked him what the hell he was doing with me, and he admitted he was afraid, and hold me in his arms” she said.

Her pain only began from that point. After three weeks of dating, my friend thought already she had found the one, but she had to disillusion shortly after. “Once, I was in a bar with some friends, when we spotted him outside with a girl under his arm, who was obviously not me. I stormed out of the bar to have an explanation, and he looked at me as if he was sorry, but walked away with her without any explanation. I was devastated. Then, he called me to ask me what was the problem, that we never mentioned the fact we should date exclusively with each other. I went ballistic and told him that it was obvious for me from the start he was the only man I could date. He promised me to ditch the other girl” she said.

Then, after six months spent together, she realized she hasn’t been presented to his friends. And she discovered he didn’t mention her even once to them. She also never met his parents. And at work, he was considered as a bachelor. He didn’t tell anyone he was seeing her.

It’s been three years that they’ve been together now, and there’s no sign he’s changing. I asked her why she can’t leave him, and she replied that she had tried several times to break up with him, but everytime, they would end up rekindling their romance. “It’s like a drug. When I’m with him, I feel absolutely high. And when he’s not there, I feel like a junkie. Each time I break up with him because I can’t stand his detached ways with me,  I feel miserable, like I’m dead or something like that. I can’t live without him. But with him, I feel like I’m dying slowly” she said.

I just told her that if she wants to talk more about it, I was there. But I also advised her to seek professional help. I’ve never seen her so angry, desperate all the time. She’s not like that.

Those kind of relationships aren’t good for your health. Love is not about that.

So, have you ever been trapped in such a relationship? And how did you get out of it? How do you cope with it?

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broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Picture perfect

We all have a dark side. Nobody is perfect in this world. When it comes to relationships, this dark side can prevail on all of our qualities if it’s too invading. I remember when I was younger that everyone kept on asking me why I didn’t want to date my ex-best friend. I really loved him as a friend and a brother, and I knew him like I never knew any other man (except now the light of my life). I knew all of his qualities, but also all of his flaws. And amid those, there was an extremely unpleasant one: he collected too many porn magazines and videos. He didn’t tell me about this, but as I spent a lot of time at his home, I once discovered his private collection, and I must say I was a little bit shocked. At that time, I turned to my other male friends, especially one who never lied to me, and asked them they also had such a collection, and they replied negatively.

My ex-best friend would have been a great companion if he hadn’t had that problem. He was the one that lent me his shoulder when I had my heart broken. He was always there to help. He was handsome, intelligent, funny, we had a great connection. There was just this flaw that caused me a problem. To tell the truth, I could never recommend him to other girls because of that. And this turned out to be the cause of his many breakups with the opposite sex.

A friend of mine told me she also had this experience with her ex. “When we broke up, nobody understood why. Everyone told us we made such a perfect couple. We were madly in love. He was brilliant, successful, funny, caring, everything a woman could hope for. We got along really well, including in the bedroom. Yet, he had his demons that devoured him progressively: alcohol, and a bit of an obsession for women. It became unbearable for both of us, and after years of fights, we decided to separate” she said.

In French, we could use the term “une couille dans le potage” (which translates into a ball into the soup) for describing those invading flaws that aren’t obvious when you don’t know the person.

What would you do in such a situation? Would you hang on the relationship, trying to change his/her flaws? Or would you leave?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

F*** me pump


You Are Big Black Boots!


You can be best described as: attitudeYou’ve got lots of it – and you love to give it

A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you

But if he’s your type, you’ll warm up… a little

 

Awwww, shoes. What would be a woman without it? One of my friends collects them like Imelda Marcos, and she always tells me that it’s the most important thing in your look. “People always notice when you wear expensive shoes” she said. “Besides, it helps you to feel sexy, depending on the shoes you wear of course. High heels really make you feel special, and these have a high power of seduction on men” she said.
I don’t really agree with her. I don’t wear that much high heels for the simple reason that my delicate feet can’t stand it, and I don’t feel sexy in them because when I walk, I fear I would fall all the time. How can you feel sexy when you don’t feel comfortable?
So, here’s the question of the day, do you like high heels?
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