A St Bernard type of personality is characterised by a will to do everything to save the other. Those who work in the medical profession like MD, nurses, social assistants, …are prone to this kind of personality. But in relationship, it could backfire.
I met recently a guy who told me he was a saviour. He just got out of a relationship with a bipolar woman. “She was everything I want from a woman, except she was really violent with me” he told me. He added he lost a lot of money to help her during his relationship with her. And he gained 22 pounds during his relationship, as if he wanted to protect him from her. He also told me he was seeing a psychologist. “Why did you choose a woman who was fragile?” I asked him. He replied he thought he could change her.
It’s foolish because bipolar personality can’t be healed by love, unfortunately. Bipolar people often end alone so yes, you can feel guilty to leave them alone. But sometimes, it’s best to take your distance. “My wife and her sister don’t speak to their dad anymore. He’s bipolar, and when he’s in his “up” period, he harasses them on the phone. He even showed several times at their office just to speak to them. He got beaten in the street, several times, by men. I guess he insulted them. One day, we fear he will die like that” said one of my friends.
St Bernard people hope to change positively their significant other. They choose people with an addiction like drugs or alcohol (or both), who have mental problems, financial problems, … with the hope to save them. It may work in short term, because those with an addiction can stop to use drug or drink alcohol. But there is always a risk they could return to their addiction. Some people with financial problems can be always caught in those problems, especially those who are shopping compulsive. Yet, they stay in the relationship, ever if the relationship is toxic for them. One of my friends often cries when she speaks about her significant other, who is toxic to her. But it’s been seven years now they are together, and she doesn’t want to leave her, even though she started to cheat on her significant other. My friend is always broke because she pays everything for her significant other, who often get fired from her job.
But sometimes, we search for familiar situations in our relationship, which related to our difficult childhood. St Bernard people are not immune from this.