celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The best out of ten

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Is it possible to find your soul mate based on math? I read a post about it, and I’m not very convinced.

How it works is basically you take the number people that you think you could go on dates with in your lifetime and so, let’s say 100. And mathematicians say take the square root that number, so that would be 10, and then you go on dates with those 10 people and afterward you tell them all, “No thanks.” But you remember out of those 10 which one was the best person that you met?

Then keep going on more dates and the minute you find someone who is better than that best person out of the 10, that person is the closest thing mathematically to finding your soul mate.

Basically, you have to remind who was the best date you had  out of 10 people who turned you down, and find someone (who won’t turn you down) who’s better than that person. What happens if you never find that person? Of if that person want to end the relationship after just one month?

Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee your “best person” is available to you. And basing you strategy to find that “best person” on a date which wasn’t for you isn’t a good idea, no matter how that person was awesome.

Do you remind your best date out of the 10 people who told you “no thanks”? Personally, I don’t, since I want to forget any of my bad dates. It would be difficult to find someone who is better than that.

And you can be a serial date if you search for the best person.

And  the feeling  that’s it all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

There’s no rule to find your soul mate. The best advice  I guess it’s to find someone who treat you with respect mutually.

 

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The algorithm of love?

eHarmony, a dating site, just announced in Lisbon today during Websummit 2018, that thanks to artificial intelligence, it could support people to ask for date after a online conversation.  “There are many conversations on our site, but there are few dates in general ” said eHarmony CEO during the conference.

Loveflutter, an british dating app, plans to analyze conversations on their app to find if two people are compatible. It want to send a message to the two chatters to suggest a date “because it reduces the pressure to ask for a date” said Loveflutter CEO.

Sean Rad, Tinder founder, predicts that Siri, the vocal assistant on your iPhone, could serve as an go-between.

But would you follow your phone if Siri or another artificial “intelligence” suggest you to date the person you are messaging?

I’m not very convinced. How can an artificial intelligence judge if you are compatible with your messenger?

I have plenty of experiences on Tinder where I started to chat with a guy who seemed to have some common points with me, only to lose them in the sea of algorithms on Tinder.

There are many reasons why some people just vanish after some conversations on dating sites. The number one is, like my friend said, the coldness of internet. “I don’t feel any spark with any guy I met online” she told me. She prefers to flirt with men in real life, even if it’s very difficult. “Usually, I’m very disappointed by the guy when I met him in real life after a chat with him on a dating app” she said.

The second reason is the many choices dating sites and app offer you. Why bet on only person when there are so plenty fish in the sea?  This perspective, to have always someone to find on internet, has done a true damage to relationships, says sociologists like Eva Illouz.

The third reason is just because people can’t forget their ex. Or are just depressed. They prefer to have distance with people they meet, even online.

Besides, an algorithm has flaws. Cathy o’Neil, a mathematician, said in her last book  that in the age of algorithms, it should lead to fairness, but the opposite is true and lead to discrimination.

So, would you trust an algorithm? It’s like asking “are you satisfied by your Google Search”? or “the people you may know” on Facebook. Usually, you are never satisfied by your first answer…

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celibacy, dating site, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Facebook as an love counseller?

 

Would you listen to Facebook if the social media advises you to date a person its algorithms calculated your compatibility?

As the social media wants to be part of the world of dating site and apps, it’s possible that this outcome will happen sooner or later. But are we ready to delegate our decisions to an algorithm? Especially with love?

I believe we still have the last words in this situation. Because it’s not because an algorithm calculated the compatibility between two people it would lead to a wedding. We still have the choice to date that person, and feel attracted or not to him/her. Besides, the algorithm would probably used the data you left on Facebook, like your photos, the things you have liked on people’s profile, your messages and your posts. Is it enough to get a real view on our personality?

 That would be terrifying, honestly. Especially since the social media have been accused to influence people’s vote thanks to an analysis of their data.

Besides, is there a right person for us? The philosopher Alain de Botton says we will marry the wrong person, and it’s a good thing. Simply because we’re not perfect, and each of us have a history that has shaped who we are.

And we don’t like when there’s no choice. For example, recently, there was a free ice cream offered to everyone in my building, but there was only just one flavour: chocolate. Many people didn’t want the ice cream. I didn’t want it either. We have a sneaky way to rebel against thing.

And finally, it takes two to tango. Even if we are compatible, there’s a chance one of the “future” partners isn’t that interested or is emotionally unavailable.

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