life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The price to be loved

In my country, there’s a huge debate right now on College initiation rites. One university has suspended temporally those activities as one student got into a coma as she was forced to drink liters of water. But the authors of this horrible act didn’t get expelled from the university.

On Facebook, I noticed some of my friends posted pictures like this:

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There was even one who put a picture of his little daughter wearing that hat on her head.

In my country, if you want to do your College initiation rite, be prepared to be forced to sit naked in your vomit, eat things you won’t eat normally (mostly associated with private parts), to be shouted on, and to be forced to drink a lot of beer, very quickly, among other things very degrading.

Back then, I knew about all of this before going to College. So, I refused to do this when I was a student. For the simple reason that I decide when I want to be naked and I hate to be shouted on without having the possibility to retaliate.

But most of my friends chose to do so, as they were conditioned by their years of scouting. Most of them feared to be excluded from their group of friends if they didn’t do their initiation rite.

It was the case of my BFF. She didn’t want to be excluded.

When we were younger, she asked me to join her scouting team. I accepted, but after six months, I quit as I was disgusted to see how they were organized. There were two girls, who came from a very wealthy and powerful family, who ruled the group. They did nothing except shouting their orders to the other scouts. And they had a scapegoat: my BFF. The other members of their team backed all their decisions. But behind their back, some of them wished they would fail.

Things aren’t very different from this in College circles for those who did their rite. Usually, the president of their circle and those who had authority all came from wealthy and powerful family. And people didn’t get the same treatments during their rite. I remember I saw in the morning some looking really fresh while others were hurt, physically.

Yet, I know some couples formed during those rites. But few lasted.

My former BFF dated for one year one of the guys who shouted at her during her rite. Another friend of mine did that too. She told me she felt protected during her experience.

Is this the price to be in a group? Is this the price to be cool? Is this the price to get successful?

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life, men, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The tragic college initiation rite

Masonic-initiationIn my country, a sad news has hit again the colleges community. A woman who did her college initiation rite is in the coma right now, after refusing to quit when she complained she couldn’t handle drinking water anymore, as she didn’t want to drink beer like the rest  of the group.

I thought that in 2013, those initiation rites were on their path to death in my country. Because in the late 90’s, when I was in College, their success was already fading. My university has just passed rules that didn’t allow the presence of initiation rites leaders in the auditoriums. Before that, they used to come after the first lesson in the year in the room and forced all the students to participate to their rites.

I didn’t want to do that, so I was glad I was given the choice to do this or not. I chose the latter. But most of my friends chose to do their initiation rites, to be part of a group.

My former BFF chose to do so. Like my ex at the time. And some of my roommates. Usually, they all came back from their “activities” very drunk and sometimes physically hurt. I remember I spent my time holding my former BFF’s head when he was trying to throw up and taking care of his injuries.

My ex ended up leaving me during this period for a woman he met in his rite group.

But once, I got involved in a party where most of the leaders in my BFF’s rite were present. I was very drunk at the time, and most of them tried to hit on me. But my BFF each time intervened and told them to get away from me. At the risk of getting excluded of his group.

As for my female friends, there was another problem. As they were drunk most of the time during their rites, they were the targets of men who just wanted to get laid without obstacles with them. One of my friends woke up several times in a room she didn’t remember the night before.

One of my male roommates at the time told me that in his group, there was a girl who usually got very drunk at the end of their rite activities. All the men in his group slept with her while she was drunk. And he did too. I was horrified when he told me this, because there seemed to have pride in his voice when he said that.  I bet the woman felt like shit the morning after.

Luckily for her, she didn’t sleep with a dangerous man. But we get very vulnerable in such situations.

Did you have an initiation rite?

 

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celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Guest post: Relationships in College

Courtesy of Marina Salsbury

College is a time of great exploration and new life experiences for most young adults. It’s a time when you learn what’s really important to you and what you want to accomplish in life. Between cramming in the library and working on online college classes in your pajamas, you begin to set life goals and priorities and learn about who you are as a person, apart and independent from your family and parents. Young adulthood is also a time when many young people begin to experiment with relationships and may, for the first time in their lives, have dating choices to explore and experience.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term

One of the challenges many young people in college face is whether or not they really want to make a commitment to a long-term relationship while in college. For some people, this is a natural step in the progression of a relationship and it may feel like absolutely the right thing to do if they really feel they are in love and want to share a commitment for the long haul.

For others, college romances are opportunities to try on different ways of being in relationship. They may have several different boyfriends or girlfriends during this period and maybe all at the same time. For them, it’s a time to explore what dating is like and figure out what they want or do not want in a potential partner. They aren’t looking for a lifetime or even long-term commitment, but simply exploring relationships in general.

Many opinions differ on whether or not it’s healthy to make a commitment to a long-term relationship in college. Parents may feel the stability of a long-term relationship will make it easier to stay focused on studies and larger goals, including marriage, family, and career. Other parents believe their children are too young to make a serious commitment during college and should be focusing on their studies and thinking about serious romance after they’ve finished with college. Whether or not it’s healthy really depends on each person and his or her particular life goals.

Potential Problems

Some of the many problems that can appear in college-age relationships can occur in serious relationships at any age:

  • Abuse – Dating violence can be a serious issue and date rape occurs with unfortunate frequency. Abuse is not just physical, but can also be mental and emotional. Anyone threatened by partners, afraid of their temper, have had partners destroy property, manipulated, or physically assaulted must protect themselves and get out of the relationship. Contact campus police or a school counseling center for help in getting out of the relationship and to report any instances of assault or physical violence.
  • Depression –  Dating a depressed person can be damaging to the relationship and very emotionally draining for the healthy partner. By the same token, in a strong relationship a healthy partner is a huge asset in overcoming depression if you believe you may be dating someone who is depressed or having mental health issues, encourage him or her to seek help from the school counseling center.
  • Isolation – Healthy relationships also include other people. Even if it isn’t deliberate or abusive, involvement in a serious relationship can inadvertently exclude partners’ other friends and dominate their time. No matter how serious your romantic commitment, be careful that your relationship doesn’t disrupt the balance of your life.

For most people, college is a time to get to know oneself better and figure out what one wants and values in life. Dating is one part of learning about yourself and who you are. Some people find being in a long-term relationship during their college years seems like the most natural thing to do, while for others it’s a time to explore dating several different people and learn about relationships in general. Whatever you do and whomever you find yourself with, keep in mind balance should characterize any healthy relationship.

Thank you Marina!

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, rant, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Toxic heart

When I was in College, I remember being terrorized by some of my teachers, especially when we had oral examinations. One of them was a true misogynist, and I knew I couldn’t go to his exam in a skirt too short nor without stockings to cover my legs. One female student I knew had to endure the humiliating experience to fail her exam because of that. And she got served with this little sentence: “Why don’t you go down on the street? That’s where you are supposed to be, not in here“. Another one was way nicer with women, but he was known to make indecent proposals to his female students taking their exam in his office. He’s married with one of the members of our government, BTW. Another one was a pervert who kept on playing with the zipper of his trouser while one of my friends was passing her exam. If I ask this question around me, I’m sure people would have in mind at least one professor they had who had a twisted mind.

The truth is, apart from the gender discrimination and indecent proposals, most of the male teachers I had when I was in College weren’t known to be particularly kind, selfless, or just warm. Most of them were arrogant and condescending. But for some of them, it was understandable. I remember my English professor who was reknown to be a true terror with everyone. I was one of the few students that dared to go assisting his class, and I got treated by him with much respect for that. Others were just mean without any good reason.

My ex-best friend is now in the team of researchers of his university and has a good chance to become one day a College professor. And just by knowing how bad and awful he could be just when we were 18, I guess he could be a true bastard with his students. After all, our teenage years determine a lot what we would become later. Back then, we used to get along well because we liked nobody. I’ve completely changed from what I was when I was younger, but as my friends told me about him, he just followed that path. What I did to him, what some other people did to him didn’t help him raise his opinion on the human being. Apparently, he’s still not married now, and has no one in his life. I suspect he just threw himself in his studies because the other aspects of his life weren’t that satisfying.

Most of my terror teachers had that common point. At over 50, some of them never married and did try unsuccessfully (in some cases) to flirt with some of their female students. They had this conviction they were superior with their intelligence. Yet, I feel sorry for them.  And I hope my ex-friend doesn’t turn into such a monster, but I’m afraid it’s already too late.

So, have you ever been terrorized by one of your teachers? And have you ever received indecent proposals from one of them?

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humor, life, love, men, miscellaneous, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

Where the streets have no name

To the request of drunk american, here’s a little glance at my years spent in College, and in particular, at a special day during the year. 

On my college campus, there’s a special event organized each year where gather all the students of the town: the St Verhaegen. This event, always held on the 20th of november, celebrates the folklore of the student life of our university, and marks the end of the hazing for those who wanted to do their “baptism” and receive afterwards a hat we call a penne. When I arrived in my college the first year, we had a visit during one of our classes of two women coming from the family planning, a help center for women who need advice or help on their problem related to sex and pregnancy.  These two women had a short message especially for the female students. It went something like that: “Ladies,  we know many of you will participate to the St V. We’re just here to remind you to be careful during this event. Each year, we see arriving students like you in our center because of what they did on this night. Most of them had drank too much and forgotten about condoms, and come to ask us for the abortive pill”. Most of my fellow students couldn’t stop giggling after their intervention, and some of them wondered in what kind of mess we would end up by partying at the St-V. 

So, we went there, and curiously, I didn’t drunk that much on the first St. V. I made. I guess curiosity took on my ethyl envy that night. The party is usually held at the same place every year on the campus, under a big tent and in the middle of the wood. To arrive there, we had to pass through a deserted path, which wasn’t deserted at all. We heard some moaning and grinning coming from behind the trees surrounding the path.  Then, one of my friends saw a girl with her pants down and a man shaking his groove on her. And they didn’t seem bother at all by our presence. In fact, they both looked as if they had a few glasses in their nose. We just decided to leave them to their business (one of my friends, who was drunk, wanted to join them, but we impeached him). We finally reached the tent, and started partying. At one moment, one of my male friends had to satisfy an urgent need, and went outside the tent. He came back, mesmerized by what he saw. He told us he saw one couple busy banging in a hidden corner, while another one just did it against a tree – again- without caring if anyone could see them. At the end of the evening, or let’s say early in the morning, we decided to leave, but some of us wanted to eat something. So we headed to the nearest fritkot we could find. There was one close to the campus. And when we arrived there, we saw, again, a couple busy doing nasty things in a dark corner, but not dark enough for them to be ignored.   And this is where we ended our first St-V.

The next year, it was so freezing cold everyone was pressing against each other  inside the tent. We saw no fornicating couples (or at least, I was too drunk too remember anything). After that, I can’t tell you because I stopped assisting to the St-V. party. My friends and I  preferred going to bars and clubs than events like that, too filthy (there is always vomit everywhere and you cannot walk without putting you foot in it). But according to the other students, sex scenes like the one we saw are still very much there.

 

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