celibacy, dating site, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Tinder surprise


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In her book, “Tinder Surprise”, Ana Ker challenged herself to meet 20 men in ten days. She used Tinder to reach her goal because today, unless you go to a single resorts where all of the people are looking for a hookup or for love, it’s almost impossible to get many dates in so little time.

She’s reluctant at the beginning to use that dating app. But Tinder helped her to have the number of dates she was looking for. And she didn’t hesitate to schedule two dates on the same day, one just after the other.

She didn’t spend time chatting with her Tinder matches during a long time before meeting them. Just a few exchanges, and then her matches and her agree to meet for a drink.

A drink is absolutely non committing, and it’s very convenient if you don’t like the person who’s in front of you at the bar. The choice of the bar also tells you if your Tinder guy is putting a lot of effort in your date or not. For instance, if he chooses a bar near his apartment/house, it’s a huge signal you don’t really matter to him. But as the philosopher Alain de Botton says, a date is like an audition. You have to seduce the person who is in front of you.

Ana Ker explained she met only two men who could be more than just one date. The other ones were either liar (about their age, the most common lie with dating apps/sites), socially awkward, or just didn’t make any effort.

People, especially men, as I experienced, think their future partner should embrace them as they are, without making any effort to seduce first. To seduce someone doesn’t mean you have to dress up, pay a lot of tips, invite your date to an expensive restaurant, list all of your achievements in life, or worse, make drink your date in the hope she/he will surrender easily. To seduce someone means to ask some personal questions to your potential dates and reveal some genuine aspects of your personality. A little investigation ahead of your date can help you.

But when you have plenty of dates ahead thanks to Tinder, you can easily forget about that. No wonder why Vanity Fair wrote Tinder is a dating apocalypse. Ana Ker seems to consider Tinder as a way to consume dates like you would consume any staple goods.

Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg insist it’s important to invest in your date (and not financially) instead of collecting dates in the hope to find someone better. Nobody’s perfect. To invest in your date means to prepare your date, and consider the person who’s in front of you at the bar.

Two of my friends met their significant other thanks to Tinder. Another one met her husband thanks to a dating site. We all know couples who met each other thanks to a dating app or a dating site.

I’ve had bad luck with Tinder so far, to be fair. But I learned my mistake.

 

 

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celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Asking your friends to set you up

Some people, tired of bad dates, ask their friends to set them up with their single friends. It’s not a bad idea, because people with similar values and interests tend to stick together, so the friend your friends want to set you up  may share a few values with you.

Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend was introduced to her by their common friends, who thought they would match easily, for an example. For famous  people, the friends circle is  the safest way to meet a potential date. They can’t go on Tinder or any other apps because they will probably be harassed.

But non famous people can also feel safer with dating if their friends pre-approve your date because they know him/her.

There are no guarantee though your setup will turn into a relationship. A friend of mine told me she was set up with a man who wasn’t her type. She ended up furious over her friend who chose to set up the date. “I felt she didn’t know me very well” she said. In that case, it’s as unpleasant as if you were not warned you were set up. Last year, I ended up sitting next to a single man at a wedding. When he learned I was a journalist,  he started to rant against my profession. I tried to avoid him during the rest of the evening because he was just a jerk, and I was pissed off at my acquaintances for trying to set me up with that guy.

Your friends can also take the offense if you don’t like the  guy they picked for you. They might think you’re too picky.

Besides, being in the middle can be difficult for your friends if your setup for a reason don’t call you back, goes M.I.A.,… or if you don’t get along very well and complain to your friends about the setup.

That’s why some people avoid setting their friends up.

One of my friends told me she can’t set me up with her single male friends, because she knows they won’t be my type. “I know all of you very well, and I know you wouldn’t be a good match” she said. It’s wise, because we’re still friends, and I avoided some disastrous dates.

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