celibacy, dating site, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Facebook as an love counseller?

 

Would you listen to Facebook if the social media advises you to date a person its algorithms calculated your compatibility?

As the social media wants to be part of the world of dating site and apps, it’s possible that this outcome will happen sooner or later. But are we ready to delegate our decisions to an algorithm? Especially with love?

I believe we still have the last words in this situation. Because it’s not because an algorithm calculated the compatibility between two people it would lead to a wedding. We still have the choice to date that person, and feel attracted or not to him/her. Besides, the algorithm would probably used the data you left on Facebook, like your photos, the things you have liked on people’s profile, your messages and your posts. Is it enough to get a real view on our personality?

 That would be terrifying, honestly. Especially since the social media have been accused to influence people’s vote thanks to an analysis of their data.

Besides, is there a right person for us? The philosopher Alain de Botton says we will marry the wrong person, and it’s a good thing. Simply because we’re not perfect, and each of us have a history that has shaped who we are.

And we don’t like when there’s no choice. For example, recently, there was a free ice cream offered to everyone in my building, but there was only just one flavour: chocolate. Many people didn’t want the ice cream. I didn’t want it either. We have a sneaky way to rebel against thing.

And finally, it takes two to tango. Even if we are compatible, there’s a chance one of the “future” partners isn’t that interested or is emotionally unavailable.

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

This modern love

When I see the high rate of divorces nowadays compared to the generation of our grandparents, I can’t help wondering if our modern society makes us unable to pick the right partner to us.  Before, if you were a woman, you couldn’t choose any man to marry you because you had to obtain your father’s blessing for your pretender. And your father would give his blessing according to some criteria like your pretender’s wealth, his ability to take care of you,… Besides, you were generally the last person consulted for your wedding, because your future husband had been carefully selected by your family.

Now, the women who still listen to their parents’s advices on love/ let their parents choose a man for them  belong to a minority. Most of us really trust our heart when it comes to getting hitched. And I’m pretty sure that if you ask parents about the choice their daughter made with their partner, their answer wouldn’t be that optimistic. I know that my parents weren’t pleased of the light of my life when they met him for the first time (my mom had the hope I would marry my ex-best friend, but she didn’t have a clue on how it badly ended with him). One of my friends told me her parents hated her ex-fiancé. “My mom hated the way he treated me. My father just thought he was good for nothing, but in fact, they had it right about him. Why didn’t I listen to them at the first place? I don’t know” she said. On the other hand, sometimes, our parents can be wrong. My parents loved my ex, who just couldn’t act differently than in a cowardly way with me. Another friend of mine told me her parents acted similarly than mine with her ex. “They didnt know he was cheating on me most of the time” she said.

I also asked around me if their parents could have chosen a man/woman they could fall in love with, and the answers were quite surprising. To the vast majority, people have replied by the negative. “I know my parents would pick a decent guy, but boring. And I love men that can entertain me, that can surprise me and make me dream”G., 34, said. “They would probably choose someone I know in my entourage or in the neighborhood, and this idea is simply not that thrilling” H., 32, said. “They probably get a sweet guy, but not a good lover, and this is a bad criteria for me”O.,30, said.

Most of us dream about a prince charming, and that’s why the idea of our parents picking a man for us doesn’t sound like music to our ear. But maybe the concept of the prince charming is precisely what drives our relationship to a failure today.

So, would you let your parents choose a partner for you?

 

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