broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Keep your distance

In the dating game, some of us find it really hard to keep a partner or even to catch one because we make it hard to let people getting closer to us. In Sex and the City, Miranda Hobbes personifies the best this example. I must admit I do recognize myself in her, because it’s not easy to get into my inner circle. But once people are in it, I feel very close to them. One of my friends also obeys to this logic, and she told me once that this is poisoning her love life. I understand her, because this also poisons my social life.

People who keep on pushing back the others do this because they’re afraid to be disappointed. Yet, this logic can be a real torture because this is how you can end up alone. Our past experiences weigh a lot in our fear of getting rejected (our reluctance to let the other getting closer is all about that, in fact). When you give your trust to someone, you expect him/her to give it back to you. It’s silly, it’s insecure, but most of us follow this principle. In theory, we should give love and expect nothing back. This is called altruism. But if you can do that, you’re a saint (or you’ve never been disappointed by people in your life).

When you were hurt in the past, you tend to be more cautious with your feelings. I had a really bad experience when I was in College, when two of my closest friends betrayed me when I needed them the most (I got dumped, another friend of mine died in a horrible car accident, and another one committed suicide), and since then, I’ve doubt about people’s genuine feelings about me all the time. I consider  the ones who manage to pass through my difficult personality as real reliable friends, and so far, very few people have managed to do so.

By choosing this behavior, you can also have tremendous regret. I wish I wasn’t so distant with B., because now we don’t speak to each other, and this makes me really sad. On the other hand, I was never sure B. was genuinely kind with me. And I tell to myself that if there’s a wall between us, there must be a good explanation for that: B. can’t really be my friend.

So, are you easy to get close to? Or are you like me, difficult to approach?

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Please don’t touch

Last week, when I finished my work and headed to my car in the parking lot of my building, rain was pouring heavily and it didn’t seem to end. I had to cross the whole parking to fetch my car, and the ground was flooded. One of my male colleagues proposed to me to carry me to my car on his back, and I refused. So, when I reached my car, I was completely soaked, and my shoes were filled with water.

Later in the evening, I told this story to my friends, and one of them agreed with me on my refusal. “I don’t want another man to touch me if it’s not my man” she said. “And yes, I do find it inappropriate if a man proposes me to carry me on his back, except my man. It wouldn’t be fair to him” she said. Another friend of mine didn’t see where was the problem, but she’s still single. “And even if I wasn’t single, I would let another man carry me on his back. What’s wrong with it?” she asked.

Well, with the opposite sex, you never know about their intention. So, it’s best to remain careful. A hand can be so easily put on your strategic place in a situation like that, and it can get a little bit out of hand. Three years ago, I fell accidentally on another journalist and we both hit the floor, me on him. When I tried to stand up, I noticed he was having an erection and was blushing heavily. I never saw him again afterwards, and I’m glad I didn’t. Besides, I don’t like when men tried to get too close (physically speaking) to me, to the point where there are just inches separating you from their face.

And a real gentleman would never put you in an uncomfortable situation like that.

So, would you let any man/woman touch you if he/she’s not yours?