broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The feelings after a breakup

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After a breakup, we don’t deal the same way with our emotions. It depends on the way the breakup happened. If the breakup was mutual because you realised you don’t love each other anymore, you can feel released and free. It’s not the same when the breakup wasn’t mutual.

One of my friends doesn’t deal well with a breakup. Usually, she sees all the men she dated turn cold and avoid her, until they say it’s over. And it drives her nuts. She sends to her ex’s many many messages. She stalks them on social medias, and comments every post. She’s jealous every time a woman post a comment on her ex’s profile. But it’s her way to deal with the breakup, because after three months of harassment, she usually realised she doesn’t feel anything for her ex’s anymore. Maybe it’s a way for her to understand it’s really over. But I suspect her ex’s help her in some ways, by not replying to her messages, by telling her to leave them alone, and by unfriending her on Facebook and other social medias. Has she found someone who would rebel against her behaviour but found this exciting, she would have had difficult to move on.

Some people feel rage against their ex when it’s over. But it’s kind of normal if the breakup was brutal, and if our ex didn’t take any glove to tell us it’s over. For example, if the breakup happens after an argument. Or if your future ex tells you he/she found some one else. You feel as if  the world collapsed below your feet. It’s difficult to remain calm after this.  Some people will try to harm their ex, while other will just cry. Some people can feel depressed after a painful breakup. They don’t want to go out anymore, and live in the numbness in the background.

This phase is temporary. Most of us jump back on our feet after that. If it’s not  the case, maybe it’s the sign you’re into depression. Seek help.

Some people will try to get back with their ex. They will try to get her/him jealous, or beg their ex to take them back. But it’s not a good strategy, because even if our ex comes back into our life, it will be because he/she feels jealous or guilty. Needless to say, it’s a shaky and fragile ground to start back your relationship. It’s against all odds. Especially if your ex left you for someone else. Chances are he/she’s in love, and won’t hesitate to ignore you.

What’s the best way to deal with a nasty break up? Cry if you want, go cut his tires, trash his garden, … But then, focus on yourself. Spend time with your friend, find a new hobby, hit the gym, give your time for those in needs,…In all cases, spend your time away from your ex. It won’t help you to move on if you’re constantly hooked to your ex. You may realise you neglected your friends and  family, too numb by the breakup.

And no, women are not idiot because they can’t deal well with a breakup like my friend. It’s just their way of dealing with the breakup. Men may stay calm after a breakup, but their feeling will pinch them sooner or later.

 

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broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Why do we cheat?

Why do we cheat? The number one reason is related to sex. When we don’t feel satisfied sexually either by a lack of sex or of emotions, we tend to search other gardens. The next reason is simply because we fall in love with someone else. Some people also cheat out of revenge (because they’ve been cheated). Some people also cheat because they search for different experiences every day, week,…

Recently, one of my friends told me that every woman who is over 40 is a cheater. I was shocked when he said that, because most of my female friends who are over 40 are not that kind. Most of them are happily married. They would admit to me if they were cheating on their husband. Women who are 40 are at top of their sexually, so yes, they can be very demanding sexually. But it’s not a reason to be a cheater because of that.

To be cheated is a betrayal. Some couples do survive infidelity though. And polyamorous couples do accept their significant other’s lovers. But we’re not all forgiving infidelity. Because we’re jealous animals.

Most of my friends told me if their significant other cheat on them, they will have difficulty to forgive. One of them even ask me to tell her the truth about her significant other if I see him with another woman. My friend was cheated when she was younger. She found, three days before of her wedding, her future husband with another girl on his lap kissing and laughing in a bar. Since then, she has had difficulty to trust her other lovers.

My other friend didn’t told me if he was cheated on before. But he changes quickly the conversation when we talk about that. I guess it’s sensitive for him.

Infidelity isn’t only sexual. We can bond emotionally with someone else because our emotional needs are not met in our couple.

But I understand how hard it is to be cheated on. It feels like you’re not the number one in your significant other’s heart anymore. It hurts.

 

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