In human resources, a 360 degree feedback is sometimes applied to employees. Your chief and coworkers are asked to give their opinion on your professional performance. In theory. But I read once in Harvard Business Review a case when an employee was surprised about his coworkers’ evaluation. Because they depicted him as a passive-agressive personality.
But in relationships, feedbacks are not very used, especially during a break up. Some people are just overwhelmed by their emotions and try to keep the conversation at the bare minimum, because the words hurt. Some people are just too coward to break up. I had an ex who told me we should make a pause. Two days later, he sent me an SMS to say goodbye for good. And no, he wasn’t 15, or 20.
But I had an ex who asked what was wrong with him after I told him I wanted to leave him. It was difficult for me at the beginning, because I was so angry against him. But he held my hand, and it helped me to calm down. I told him how hurt I was to never have any call from him, and how frustrated I was to be the only one to contact him. I also told him I didn’t like his arrogance, that I felt he thought he was superior to me. He was a bit surprised when I told him that. I didn’t get back with him after that. But we remain friends.
So far, he’s the only one who has asked me about a feedback.
To be fair, I don’t have his courage. I never asked any of my ex’s any feedback.
One of my friends told me she only asked once one of her ex’s why it didn’t work between them. “I need to understand why he acted so distant with me” she said. “I wanted to know if I did anything to pull him away from me” she added. And her ex was really honest with her, to her surprise. “He could have just told me it was his fault, like some of my ex’s told me when we were breaking up” she said. My friend told me it helped her to avoid the same mistakes with another man.
Feedbacks aren’t always possible. One of my friends left her abusive ex and was relieved when she left him. “I don’t need any feedback from him. I just need to understand why I was attracted to him, because he was toxic” she said.