life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Changes (the first move)

Now that the #metoo movement has gained traction, some people fear the relationship between men and women will never be the same. The line is however very clear between flirting and harassment/ sexual molestation. There is no problem when someone tell you how beautiful you are. It becomes a problem if that person asks you for a sexual favor or a kiss just after these words. But if it’s just an introduction for a casual conversation, it’s not a problem. Unfortunately, the person who tells you this may  not be very handsome. But if you don’t feel at ease with that, it’s always ok to be honest, or to shy away.

Men don’t deal very well with rejection. But it’s difficult for women as well. When I was younger, I had a crush on a guy who was my classmate. I dared to ask him to have a drink with me once, but he turned me down. I didn’t attempt to ask him again for a drink. Last year, he found me on Facebook, and asked me if it was possible to have  a drink with him. But I turned him down. As an answer, he unfriended me on Facebook. He could have been insulting with me, but he didn’t.

Some men, faced by rejection, insult the woman who turned down them. At my fitness club, two women recently discussed how insulting the men are because they don’t answer their questions while they are training. A woman who says no is not a slut.

Some say after the #metoo movement, women will make the first move more often, while men will avoid to say anything. With dating app like Bumble, and even Tinder, women can make the first move. Some men don’t mind.

The key, I guess, is to feel at ease. Nothing can be good if you feel on the defensive all of the time. But always listen to your feelings.


celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

LinkedIn and Twitter, a new way to find love?

The Financial Times ran an article today about the pursuit of love on LinkedIn. Yes, this professional social media is unlikely a mean to find love. But since it’s a social media, replacing real human interactions, it’s a way like another one. Especially because people try to put a picture where they look smart and professional, in other words, at their best.

I’ve been asked out twice through LinkedIn, by guys I don’t even know. One found me after I got interviewed on TV after my book was published. The other one just found me randomly.

I both turned them down, because I just got the impression they were after me just after my looks. I hate that. Yes, I know, it got to start somewhere. But I also need to feel appreciated for what I am.

I’ve been also hit on Twitter. There, the guy kept on sending me direct messages, to the point I got fed up. I felt overwhelmed. And the questions were not interesting.

He also found me randomly.

On Facebook, at the beginning, my profile was public, and I also received this kind of messages. Until I put my profile in private. Since then, no one dares to hit on me. Because they can’t find me.

I find this annoying to be fair. It’s  not very different from dating sites, where usually, I get a lot of compliments on my profile picture, but no one is able to start a decent conversation with me.

Don’t get me wrong. If a guy told me I’m ugly or fat, I won’t try to pursue a conversation with him either.

But if a guy I don’t know just compliment me on my looks, it just reminds me of my years in College, where during parties, there was a guy who tried to get laid with every woman in the room, and used the same pick up lines with everyone. Usually, it worked with the one who was completely wasted. All the other women turned him down, just like I did.

The guy was not very handsome, but was really determined to get what he wanted. As if we were just preys.

I don’t like to feel like a prey. I’m not a prey.

So, have you ever received love messages on unusual social medias like LinkedIn?

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Yielding to advances

One of my coworkers is a well-known womanizer. Yet, when you see him for the first time, it’s difficult to believe this. Because he’s old, bald, frail, not really well-groomed. He reminds me of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings.

Personally, if a man like that was trying to seduce me, I would just run away. I’m not a shallow person, but I’m not attracted to men who don’t give a s… about hygiene. This is a big turn off for me.

Yet, my coworker has it ways with women. Another coworker of mine told me he scores big time with women in clubs. Usually, he’s drunk, and maneuvers his seduction like that. Alcohol gives him the courage to approach women. And like my other coworker says, “those who don’t respect themselves yield easily to his advances“.

I may sound old-fashioned, but I would never accept this from a man. I would just fear he has a drinking problem (which is the case for my coworker). Plus, I just believe if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you should never yield like that to any man.

And I don’t believe clubs are the right place to find the right person. Several of my friends, who have been heavy party people, admit the same. “People are often drunk , drugged , or just not themselves in those situations” says one of my friends. “And besides, it’s dangerous to yield to strangers. You never know who you have in front of you” she added.

So, make your suitor wait 😉 Only fools rush in.

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

A little bit of competition

Men like it when there’s competition. That’s what told me a guy I met in a seminar, when we talked about the possible creation of an alternative trading system for small and mid caps companies in Europe. He said this would bring competition to the market, and that competition is always good, like in love. “It gets more interesting when there’s competition in love” he said.

Is it?

From a female perspective, I can say that I hate when there’s competition for a man. Jealousy can be poisonous.

But from a male perspective, that’s different. Take for example this experience:

Once, we were invited to a party, but my man quickly disappeared to chat with his coworkers and left me alone. I had noticed when I entered the room that one guy was heavily staring at me, so I decided to have a chat with him. He was very funny and made me laugh. Two minutes later, my man came back at my side and wondered what was going on. He looked at the guy and told me we’d better go home”  J., 34, said.

When I met him, he was surrounded by women and had many female friends. He was a player, in other words. But I had also male friends who kept on inviting me to go to the cinema, to art exhibitions, to conferences. And I heavily counted on them to take me out as much as possible at the beginning of our relationship. I didn’t want him to think I was easy. So, he became jealous. Three months after our first date, he asked me if we could be exclusive to each other, because he couldn’t stand me going out with my male friends. I didn’t stop seeing them, though. I still go out with them to art exhibitions,… but at a slower pace” G., 35, said.

This competition doesn’t work all of the time though. It depends also on the bond you have with your significant other. And there’s also a rule: it doesn’t work if you sleep with your male friends.

A male friend of mine told me he used to date a woman who had four different lovers. He discovered it after three months and was shocked to learn about it. So he dumped her. “I didn’t feel she wanted me. I was just another lover to her” he said.

And it also depends on how you treat your significant other.

She kept on nagging on me for everything I did. So, if I saw her with other guys, I thought they were better than me, and I didn’t want to bother them. Trying to make me feel jealous didn’t work here” said one of my male friends.

celibacy, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Are you romantic?

When I talk about love with my friends, it always boils down to romantism. Most of us cannot conceive love without a bit of romance in it. And when it comes to sex, most of my friends and I admit that we can’t yield to anyone’s advance unless he’s done a proper courtship. A friend of mine recalls that once, during a party, a guy tried to flirt with her, and  managed to pull her out of the room. Outside, he just unbelt his trouser, and let his undies down. He told her to take him. She ran away. “Even if I was drunk, I would have never had done that. It’s just gross. Raw sex, with a guy a barely know, has nothing exciting on me. Who does he think he is?” she said.

When I was in College, I was once invited to a party where my friend’s roommate spent the evening trying to get a hit on me. I just had my heart broken at that time, and cursed on men all of the time. So, I wasn’t in the mood at all for the guy. And he didn’t manage to flirt properly with me. Instead, he spent the whole evening looking at me, and tried several times to tear me in one of the dark corners of the room. I just told him to get lost. Three days later, I bumped on him again at another party, and he tried the same approach with one of my acquaintances. And scored. I just thought to myself: geez. Like my friend, raw sex has nothing exciting on me, with a total stranger.

I guess that my friend and I fall into the category of the romantics.

Why romance is so important for most of us? For women, it’s because we all have the dream to meet an everlasting love. And if this dream may never come true, or just gets lost along the way, at least, we will have those precious moment from the beginning. So, courtship is important. But not especially like in a Danielle Steel novel. Eeewwww.

Most of my friends and I hate when it gets too cliché. For example, if he invites you to dinner and ask the local Mexican band to sing a serenade for you. If you hate to be the center of attention, chances are this won’t do the trick. At least, for one of my friends, it didn’t. She told me she thought the guy was a total loser for doing this. But it depends. If the guy does that to you on your first date, for sure, this sucks. But if you’ve been in a long term relationship, this might make you laugh. And produce an effect on you.

We all agree on one thing: if he does something that does touch your heart, that is considered as romantic. An example?

“He wrote me a song” C., 34, said.

“He invited me to have a walk with him, in his special place. Then we talked for hours about nothing and everything. We ended up caught up in the heavy rain. And we just laughed” N., 35, said.

“He got me the impossible interview no other journalist could have. And I didn’t even ask for it” F., 36, said.

He wrote me letters, sent me flowers, invited me to dinner, told me everything of his little secrets”O., 40, said.

So, are you romantic?

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Thank you for smoking

Smoking is bad for your health. But it isn’t that bad for your love life. In Europe, where multiple bans have risen for smoking in public places, smokers are now obliged to smoke outside of the pub/restaurant/building, and this can create multiple opportunities to approach the opposite sex. We call that smirting. When you smoke, it’s easier to flirt with people because you have a good excuse to start a conversation: the lighter/ cigarette. This is how one of my friends, who tries to stop smoking, has managed to catch some interesting guys. Of course, all of them were smokers. But because now smokers can’t light up their cigarette inside of the pub, more and more non smokers accompany their smoking friends outside, so they don’t stay alone inside.

Besides, a woman who smokes can carry a part of fantasies. You can find on the web many adult sites (like this one) about smoking women. In those sites, you can find women who smoke in various positions, sometimes obscene (I particularly remember one video where a woman was giving a blowjob between two puffs on her cigarette), but these have something a little bit fascinating, as the smoke surrounds their body like a veil. It’s not a pure coincidence if in the movies, the ultimate seductress is always a smoker. Take for instance Linda Fiorentino in the Last seduction, or Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. Even Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City is a smoker.

A woman who smokes is also considered as independent, and that can give her a real power of seduction. And besides, smoking, especially a cigar, is associated heavily with the blowjob. Smokers are also associated with hedonists who don’t refuse themselves any pleasure.

Of course, if you smoke like a chimney and carry around you a disgusting odor of old cigarette butts, it won’t have the same effect than if you smoke “sensually”.

I was a smoker when I was young. I really liked it back then because I had the feeling I was a rebel or something like that. But I never caught any of my ex’s because of that. This is probably why I quit smoking.

So, do you smoke? And if it’s the case, do you think smoking helps you in your love/sexual life?


broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Life for rent

I’m so afraid to fail that I won’t even try…

I went once to a lunch with two of my single friends who told me about their love life and how it was the Gobi desert for one, while for the other, “2008 is the year to get laid“. My friend who’s the less active sexually told us she had a problem talking to the opposite sex and flirting with men. “I don’t have enough self-confidence to ask out a guy I fancy” she said. My other friend, on the other hand, told us about her strategy. “In fact, I just try with every man I like, and if I fail, it’s OK, there are plenty other men in the club. And it works” she said.

My friend thinks that my less active sexually friend is just afraid to try to to flirt with men. “Before, I used to act like her. Then, once, I saw one of my friends taking his chance with every woman he just met, and didn’t give up until he had found one. It’s been seven months now he’s dating the woman he met like that in a club. So, I just imitate him, and I must say I don’t regret it at all. You never know. On a misunderstanding, it can work” she said.

My other friend admitted that an eventual failure in flirting with the opposite sex just blocks her to continue with another man. Maybe she should just try this: smile and say hello. The rest will follow. This is how I caught men before the light of my life. And this is how I caught the light of my life too 😉

Next week, my two friends will do a bit of rehearsal with the firemen’s night out in our city…

So, does a failure prevent you to go on cruising until you find what you were looking for?

celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Flirting with disaster

Awwwww, flirting. Some of us yield to this guilty pleasure because it gives them the impression they still have their power of seduction. It’s dangerous though when you’re already in a relationship because it just traces the path towards infidelity. However, some people flirt as if it was a sport, and don’t think they are doing anything wrong.

One of my friends came with a little problem she encountered recently with a man. Her problem is that she can’t tell whether she’s flirting or not with the person. “I went to a seminar abroad, and I met this man who just followed me everywhere I went during the two days I was there. He was charming, always asking questions about me and relating my experiences with his. One of my colleagues pretended he was my man the last day of the seminar, and he just disappeared, telling me he was really pleased to meet someone like me, and that I should take care. Do you think he was flirting with me?” she asked. Of course, he was. Generally, when a man or a woman asks a lot of personal questions about you, it means that they are interested in you.

This is easy. But once, another friend of mine came with this issue. “I was invited for dinner by one of my professional contacts. We never met before in real life, I had only sporadic contacts with him until that dinner, and it always remained professional. And the dinner, well, it was a bit weird. I really couldn’t tell if he was just trying to be nice with me, or if he was flirting with me. At the beginning, we talked strictly about business, but as the dinner went on, we began to switch to more personal subjects. He’s married, but we didn’t talk at all about his family, instead, we talked mainly about my career and about my personal skills, professionally speaking, mind you. He talked a little bit about his brothers, his youth, his grandma. Since then, he has become more friendly with me, but we still exchange very polite words. Do you think he was flirting with me, or it’s just the product of my imagination?” she asked. Ha, I can’t tell that just by what she described.

But a few days ago, she told me she noticed this about him.”He doesn’t use the same tone when he’s talking to me compared to his collaborators and his clients. He’s very fatherly with everyone, but with me, I have the impression to face a little kid that has been taken at fault. He’s looking at me from head to toe, but he doesn’t blush at all. When we exchange emails, generally, he has to make tons of compliments about my work. I don’t know on which foot to stand with him” she admits.

Maybe he is flirting with her. She’s really beautiful, and she doesn’t leave men insensitive to her charms in general.

So, how do you know someone’s flirting with you? And how do you flirt?

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Those first steps I can’t calculate

Charming but single wrote a funny little post about failing to get noticed by the object of her desire. We all got involved in such a situation where we try to catch the attention of the one we fancy or simply indicate him/her our feelings for him/her. Some people manage to do this with a certain class, while others just simply put themselves in a ridiculous position and can end up with a failure. I asked around me what were the most embarrassing/craziest/ silliest thing people have ever done to get noticed by the one they like or to tell him/her about their feelings, and it went something like this.

“I met this journalist in a press trip in Finland and immediately fell in love with him. Unfortunately, we talked to each other just two hours before he was traveling back to London. I knew that he was specialized in pension funds and investments, so I asked my boss to cover that subject to be able to see him again. However, not only this topics weren’t my cup of tea, but also I never got the occasion to see him again. I’ve met instead tons of boring pension fund managers. I had to ask my chief editor to switch again for another topic, but she didn’t understand my motivation at all, and refused. So, here I am, stuck with a stupid and boring topic” J., 29, said.

I spotted him in a bar where he had his habits, so I decided to make this spot my new one and forced my girlfriends to accompany me. I don’t wear skirts in general, but I switched my pants for some mini skirts that were everything but comfortable for me. I hoped he would noticed me if I was sexy. But the problem was I had to go to the bathroom, and when I came back to the bar where he was and ordered a drink,  suddenly, I heard everyone laughing behind my back. One of my friends rushed to me at the bar and told me that my skirt was stuck in my thong and that everyone could see my ass. By the time I realized this, he just left the bar, and I was so embarrassed by this incident that I didn’t want to get back to this bar again” L., 34, said.

Many years ago, I sent him an anonymous letter with just the lyrics of my favorite song. He never knew who sent that to him” M., 35, said.

“I spotted him in a club, but as shy as I am, I never had the gut to approach him. So, to give me some courage, I just sipped a few drinks. I was so drunk that when I approached him, I just vomited on his shoes. But the worse was when 5 seconds later, his girlfriend arrived next to him and they left. I felt so ridiculous” P., 35, said.

When I was in high school, I wrote my name, my phone number and his name on the wall of the men’s room. He never called me, but I received tons of phone calls from other dudes I never heard of. I had to change my phone number”U., 30, said.

I followed him like a lost puppy everywhere he went. I always managed to know where he was going to make sure he saw me in those places, but he just told me to stop following him because he was a little bit scared of this stalking. I felt like an idiot”F., 32, said.

There are do’s and don’t when it comes to catch the attention of the one you fancy, but it really depends on how the other will react. Remember that some people would find it sweet to be stalked, while other would just flip out. And if mini-skirts and big cleavages aren’t the clothes you affectionate on a regular basis, well, try to stay natural. Besides, you wouldn’t want him to think you’re a slut if you’re not by dressing like a ho.

So, have you ever done something silly to get the attention of the one you fancy?


celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Hall of mirrors

This man above has been elected the sexiest man alive by People magazine. I bet he would just joke about this and would never use this as a pick up line with the opposite sex. I even bet he doesn’t consider himself as handsome. I’ve met quite a lot of men who are objectively handsome but don’t consider themselves as well. They never use their physic to seduce women, they would rather use their sense of humor or their personality to approach the opposite sex. And generally, this tactic works. But there are also men who consider themselves as handsome, and don’t understand why women don’t fall in love with them immediately.

Before D. was fired, I had once an awkward conversation with him about this topic. He left for his holidays in Sweden, and hoped he would score with Swedish women who are less timid than the women of our country when it comes to men and sex. At least, that’s what he thought. When he came back from his holidays, I asked him about his success with the Swedes, and he told me he didn’t score at all. I replied to him that he didn’t look like Brad Pitt, that’s why the Swedish women didn’t chase him. And his reply was quite surprising. He told me he basically let his beard grow a little bit while he was there, because “women think he’s irresistible with it”. And really seemed puzzled by his lack of success. I didn’t know what to say to that and just went back to my desk, to his stupefaction. He thought probably I would have told him he’s indeed irresistible.

I talked with my friend about this strange conversation, and she told me she had a similar experience once. “There was a guy I met in a bar who started flirting with me. He wasn’t too bad physically, but not an Apollo too. We chatted a little bit, and I didn’t feel anything for him, so I declined politely his invitation to go to his place. Then, he started to complain women couldn’t appreciate his beauty and that if he was a woman, he would fall for him. And he left like a prince. I didn’t regret my choice at all” she said. “This is probably the kind of guys who just think women are either attracted to handsome or wealthy men”she added.

Most of the women I know told me they prefer a man that doesn’t know he’s handsome than the one who’s sure of it. Do you agree with that? And for the men, how handsome do you consider yourself?