broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

When women cheat

Unless you’re living on Mars, you probably heard this news about Kristen Stewart who cheated on Robert Pattinson with her director in the movie “Snow White”. Robert Pattinson has packed his bags and left Los Angeles.

Haven’t Kristen apologized and publicly recognized she cheated on him, maybe he wouldn’t have left her. But since paparazzis are following them everywhere, it would have been difficult to hide her affair.

One thing people should know when they cross the line of infidelity is that we should never tell the one we love about it. Of course, we should all know that if we cheat on the one we love, we face the risk of losing him/her. But when we think we’re honest to tell the one we love we were unfaithful, we should expect not to be forgiven for what we did.

Yes, we can be unfaithful. It happens, unfortunately. But nobody stands for long being cheated on. A friend of mine cheated on her man the first year they were together. She told me she realized she made a terrible mistake after that, and she never told her man about this. So far, they are still together and are very happy. She never cheated on him again.  If she had been honest with him, she may have lost him for good.

I guess it depends on the situation. But we should never tell about our infidelity, unless we want to end the relationship. Another friend of mine cheated on her man, and told him about it. Against all odds, he stayed with her afterwards. But their relationship wasn’t the same anymore. Her man became suspicious, angry about her. Three years later, he left her for another woman.

There are up and downs in every relationship. Infidelity can be part of it. Of course, it’s difficult to hide when we’re unfaithful. And our entourage can betray us. That’s why  a friend asks me to never tell her if I see her man with someone else.

As for Kristen Stewart, I hope she won’t turn like Britney Spears after her split with Justin Timberlake.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

That woman

It’s easy to earn a bad reputation. When I was in high school, bad reputations were given to the girls who dated every boy in the school, or those who had a heavy turnover of boyfriends. These were also given to the girls who stole another girl’s boyfriend who also was in the same school. To avoid this, it was best not to have your business in the school. But it was difficult.

When we get older, these bad reputations can be earned if we sleep with everyone in our office. A former coworker of mine had received the unwanted nickname of the office whore because she was really easy. Every man in my office could score with her. These bad reputations can also appear when we date a married man. Then, we are referred to “that woman”. Really unpleasant. Some women don’t care about this. But sometimes, we can earn a bad reputation against our will.

Recently, a friend of mine told me the story of her sister, who got involved in a love triangle against her will. When she met her man, he told her he was about to get divorced from his wife. But he wasn’t living apart from her, mainly because of financial reasons. He said they had to sell the house and was looking for an apartment, but didn’t find a decent place to live yet. As my friend’s sister also looked for a new apartment at the time, and knew how hard it is to find the right one, she believed him. He was very available for her, and took her out as often as he could. He promised her a lot of things, and told her every of his secrets. He even took her on several holidays.

That was until one day, she realized people she knew were talking really negatively about her, and referred her as the other woman. My friend told me her sister realized then her man never talked about her to his ex wife. His ex-wife knew about her because friends told her they saw her husband with another woman.Worse, my friend’s sister learned that their numerous holidays together were used against her man during the divorce procedure. Because her man’s ex still received the bill at their house, and didn’t hesitate to open every letter addressed to him. She didn’t understand why people treated her so badly, until she realized her man was still seeing his wife, and they were trying to rekindle their relationship, despite the divorce procedure.

Of course, he could have put a stop in this, by deciding to choose between the two. But he didn’t. And my friend’s sister was really mad at him all of the time. As a result, he dumped her.  But her reputation didn’t disappear.

These are cruel situations. And I don’t think we can really avoid this. In the case of my friend’s sister, her only option was to try to confront him calmly about his behavior, using the “I” rather than “you”. And then leave him. The pill would have been less bitter to swallow if she had earned a little bit of respect from him. The gossips around her wouldn’t have affected her that much.

As for now, her option is just to leave him alone and concentrate on herself. It’s the only way to mend a broken heart. Gossips will eventually disappear.

In a love triangle, nobody really wins.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Naughty girl

When I was in high school, I remember some of my fellow female classmates carried around a reputation of being a naughty girl. Why? Some of them have dated and slept with most of our male classmates, and they gained rapidly their reputation for being easy. Once, I went to a party with one of them, and after two hours, she begged me to come back to her house. When we arrived there, she burst into tears, and told me she got badly insulted and harassed by a guy she didn’t know. Apparently, he was a friend of one of her multiple ex’s, and he thought that since she had so many ex’s, he had a chance with her, and he insisted. Luckily for my friend, she could manage to escape from him. That night, we couldn’t sleep, and we talked all night long about our experiences. This is when she asked me if I was lesbian, because “I didn’t have many boyfriends unlike the other girls“. When I replied her that I did once kiss a girl, and that I decided on that day I prefer the opposite sex, she seemed really surprised. “But you seem so shy, so wedge, and so blank, how come you could have tested that without everyone noticing it?” she said. I told her that I always hated publicity and gossips about me. I do like evolving in the shadow. And I said to her that, contrary to what people said, I enjoy frolicking with the opposite sex too. It’s just that I didn’t want to have the reputation of a slut, so I carefully chose all my boyfriends far from school, far from town, far from everyone I knew.

More than ten years later, I observe the same situation at work, where some of my colleagues or fellow journalists have won a bad reputation. Journalism is a small world, and everyone knows everyone, so you’d better be at your best behavior, otherwise it will come back to you. Our office whore, for example, is well known in every other newsroom. In an other newsroom where one of my friends works, one of her colleagues has earned such a reputation too, and I’ve seen her getting indecent proposals all the time when we’re invited to seminars (because this spills over among our contacts). She slept with many of the journalists of her medias, and they often talk about how they screwed her and that she’s really a good shot. I don’t envy her at all, and my friends either.

A bad reputation is easy to get, but difficult to get rid of. One of my friends experienced it recently. She got closer to one of her contacts, and she insists they’re just friends. Yet, in her office, everyone is joking about them because my friend has talked too much about their business. And now, she tries to calm down the gossips, but she has the impression she’s fighting for a lost cause. Besides, she shouldn’t listen too much to what people say.

So, do you think it’s difficult to get rid of a bad reputation? And have you ever been affected by a bad reputation?

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broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

selfless, cold and composed (part 2)

Recently, one of my friends called me to get my advice on a peculiar situation she’s been experiencing. She’s in a relationship with a guy, but developed a strange friendship with another man, much older than her, and married of course. The friendship is a bit special, because she knows him through her job and he’s one of the external partners of her company. She met him a few months ago, when he arrived in his company. “We are often in contact with each other for work since then, and our conversations remain strictly professional all the time. Yet, I know that I can call him whenever I want if I have a problem and he’s never bothered if I call him in the middle of one of his meetings. I need him for my job, he’s a precious help and it’s mutual” she told me. “I really appreciate his company because he’s one of the few men that consider me for my professional skills and my intelligence, not for my body or my youth. I feel motivated in my job because of him, and he’s constantly congratulating me for my work. He boosts my confidence” she added.

This friendship has become a burden for my friend, though. “Because I spent a lot of time with him on the phone, my colleagues are now convinced we’re having an affair, and I hear whispers about he and I all the time. My boss uses me as an intermediary between him and my contact each time he needs something to be done by him. Everyone is constantly asking me questions about him. I can’t join any conversation with my colleagues without being questioned about him anymore. Some of my colleagues have even stopped talking to me, because they think I’m a homewrecker or a slut for flirting with a married man” she said.

I asked her if her professional contact acted the same way with her than with his collaborators in his company. And she said she noticed that everyone (with some exceptions) reckons the same thing about him: he’s motivating and dynamic.”I’ve know for years his secretary, who was an idiot with no opinion. But since he arrived in his company a few month ago, we started having interesting conversations and she seemed now aware of what’s going on in the company. It wasn’t the case before” she explained.

And I asked her if she has fallen in love with him, and she replied no. “I really like him, but I don’t love him. I love my man. It may be love, but it’s not the same kind of love I feel for my man. I love him as a friend” she said. “Yet, I feel happy because of him. He really came into my life when I was feeling down and useless in my job” she said.

Her friendship has however reached another level recently. “Last week, he called me late in the evening while he was in New York. He just forgot about the time zone when he called, that’s why, and he apologized for that. But he asked me to call him when he would get back from the Big Apple, for business of course. I called him, and our conversation remained strictly professional. Yet, just before I hang up, he had those words toward me: I’m delighted to see you tomorrow. We had a meeting the day after” she said. “The D Day, I didn’t know what to expect from him, and I was very nervous to see him again. Our meeting was very strange: he didn’t look at me at all during it, focusing his attention to his collaborator. He was cold, composed and selfless with me. I’ve known him much more outgoing, and I must say I was a little bit hurt by that” she said.

Personally, I think she and him are in the middle of a situation that’s getting a little bit out of their hands, and they try their possible not to fall in love with each other. I told my friend I really can’t tell how things will evolve between them, maybe in a few months, the tension between them would ease, maybe it will grow into something else. I told my friend to try focusing on something else, and to try remain selfless and composed with him. And that she should remain mum about him at work, replying simply to all questions about him by a mere “I don’t know”. People will stop quickly being too curious.

What do you think?

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life, men, miscellaneous, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

Men’s need

Spending your lunchtimes with your male colleagues can be quite instructive. For instance, when I was working as a banker, I had to spend my very short lunchtime with three colleagues that kept on talking about football (soccer for the US readers), from the Champion’s League to small regional divisions. I thought it was boring at that time, but now I’ve switched to an upper level in the financial world, I realise these little informations (I knew nothing about football then) are quite helpful when you have a business lunch with – again- exclusively men. Or when you’re invited by an investment bank to a game, in the VIP section. That doesn’t mean I’m into football now, though. I don’t watch any match on TV.

When I arrived in my newsroom, I found myself again going to lunch with mostly my male colleagues (it’s not my fault, I get along really well with men in general, less with women- and besides, female journalists are still a minority, except in the women magazines). The topics of our conversations vary (thank god) a lot more than in my previous job, but it all boils down actually to two subjects: football (again) and women. One of my former colleagues ( a true misogynist) used to say that women have only two subjects of conversation: their appearance and men. Well, I can send the compliment back to him. What’s amazing in men’s conversations is that they can’t avoid judging physically their female counterparts, but are unable to tell you directly what they think of you. An example? I went out with four male journalists once, and they kept on talking about the different (young) female journalists in the newsroom. And it went something like this: “Did you see how she was dressed this morning, she looked like a ho?”  or “Yeah, that one is really a true beauty, she’s definitely shagable” Of course, it depends on which colleagues you’re talking about. Some of my colleagues won’t talk exactly like that on their female counterparts. Some don’t care at all, while others just criticize their many physical defects.  And I always wonder if they act ten times worse when there’s no woman with them on the midday break. Probably, since I have the impression that my ears whistle during this particular period of the day when I attend a press conference.

What strikes me is that when I go and lunch with only female journalists, we never abord the question of our male counterparts. Well, not on a physical aspect, at least. I’ve never heard any of my female colleagues saying she would boink one of her male colleagues. And this topic doesn’t occupy 85% of our conversation time like for my male colleagues.  The subjects consist more on the family, travels, …

So, I’m curious, do you gossip like that on your colleagues?

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