life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Love at work

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Recently, one of my friends told me she was shocked her boss has left his wife to start a relationship with one of his assistants. “It gives our company a bad publicity” she says. Unfortunately for her, work relationships are very common. A recent survey by Careerbuilder said that 36% of people admit they already had a relationship with one coworker, and 22% with their boss That doesn’t mean these are well accepted. In some companies, it is forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker. People can get fired for that. But it’s not the case everywhere. It depends on the policy of the company.

In my company, there are no rules. My boss is in a relationship with our head of marketing . They publicly revealed their relationship last year, during our office party, where they were kissing each other and holding hands, to much of our dismay. It just shocked some of my female coworkers, who remembered that the previous year, our boss was accompanied by his then-wife. Some of my coworkers are also together. At our last office party,  our photography director appeared inseparable from a tall blonde who works as a secretary for our boss.

In some companies, people are asked to sign a love contract when they are hired, in which they commit to reveal their possible future union(s). This kind of transparency can be damageable because depending of the policy of the company, you can be fired or asked to work for another department. No one wants to see intimacy at work. And also, it can spark jealousy if you are in a relationship with your boss, because people will suspect you have an advantage over your coworkers.

But I can’t understand why is it forbidden to have a relationship with your boss or your coworker, because with the evolution of the society, women are more and more gaining their independence, as they work, and are not a housewife most of the time. As a friend says, you spend most of your time at work, where temptations are high.

But there’s also a reason why it is forbidden to have a relationship at work: harassment. Company that forbids work relationship try to avoid situation where those who have power over a team abuse their power. Luckily for me, in my company, my boss and superiors never use their power to destroy my career because I refuse their advances. They never made any unwanted proposals to me.  Some companies want to avoid this because it’s easier to prevent that to have a problem with harassment, as there’s a law in my country against it.

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life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Changes (the first move)

Now that the #metoo movement has gained traction, some people fear the relationship between men and women will never be the same. The line is however very clear between flirting and harassment/ sexual molestation. There is no problem when someone tell you how beautiful you are. It becomes a problem if that person asks you for a sexual favor or a kiss just after these words. But if it’s just an introduction for a casual conversation, it’s not a problem. Unfortunately, the person who tells you this may  not be very handsome. But if you don’t feel at ease with that, it’s always ok to be honest, or to shy away.

Men don’t deal very well with rejection. But it’s difficult for women as well. When I was younger, I had a crush on a guy who was my classmate. I dared to ask him to have a drink with me once, but he turned me down. I didn’t attempt to ask him again for a drink. Last year, he found me on Facebook, and asked me if it was possible to have  a drink with him. But I turned him down. As an answer, he unfriended me on Facebook. He could have been insulting with me, but he didn’t.

Some men, faced by rejection, insult the woman who turned down them. At my fitness club, two women recently discussed how insulting the men are because they don’t answer their questions while they are training. A woman who says no is not a slut.

Some say after the #metoo movement, women will make the first move more often, while men will avoid to say anything. With dating app like Bumble, and even Tinder, women can make the first move. Some men don’t mind.

The key, I guess, is to feel at ease. Nothing can be good if you feel on the defensive all of the time. But always listen to your feelings.

 

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

Bad

In every couple, there are times when you just mock each other just for fun. This can be used after a fight to cool down the tension, but not only. Most of the people I know also admit they like to mock the one they like/love. It’s a way to show them how much they care about them. But unfortunately, there’s a thin line between gently mocking and humiliating the one you love. For example, when you make fun of his/her inability to do something, this can be cruel, and childish. For example, if you can’t cook, would you appreciate if the one you love mocks you on this? I’m not sure. This is a real landmine.

Some people also use this laughing arm to disguise their criticisms. For example, all the bad jokes men make on women, and those women make on men too. Of course, those jokes, if they remain between men or women, don’t hurt, they just make laugh. But if you say this to a man, when you’re a woman, then it’s not funny anymore. Once, I was invited to launch with some guys, and they were impressed by my appetite and my choice among the menu. They joked they thought I would take the salad and eat nothing. And the conversation remained mainly around that during a long moment. You can imagine that I didn’t appreciate at all those stupid remarks.

And then, there’s just cruelty. “My ex used to make fun of me all of the time. It became really, really annoying and hurtful. For example, he would hide my keys, and then watch me searching for it without helping me, nodding his head and saying I’m untidy. He would also always mock my butt, saying I was his little chubby little girl. I always thought I was fat because of that. Not to mention that he was also mocking my appetite and saying I shouldn’t eat so much”I., 34, said.

When jokes become diminishing for the people who receive it, and that it becomes constant, it’s not funny anymore. It’s called harassment.

So, do you mock the one you love?

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