celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, women

The sapiosexual


A sapiosexual is someone who is only attracted to intelligent people. This definition is very large. I fall into this category since all my ex’s have that common point. But recently, I experienced a strange conversation on Tinder with a guy I matched who told me he was a sapiosexual. He said that after I told him about the books I’m currently reading. I’m a strange reader, because I read several books at the same time. He said I was turning him on with that detail. But then, he asked me to tell him about physics and some obscure concepts. “Seduce me”, he added. I didn’t reply. To be fair, I don’t know anything about physics. I don’t have that scientific sensibility.

The guy has pretty high standards for his potential significant other (or maybe just a hookup, it’s Tinder after all…).

I don’t ask on Tinder to my matchs if they can quote a poem from Baudelaire, some lines from”Economie du bien commun”, a theorem from Mandelbrot,…. Even if the guy can quote any of these, I’m not sure it will turn me on anyway.

I’m not sure any of my ex’s would be able to do so too.

When one of them mocked me because he found “Economie du bien commun” on my coffee table, I didn’t dismiss him because of his ignorance. In fact, I was hurt by his behavior, because he mocked the intellectual who read this book,  he mocked who I am. This is a big deal breaker for me.

If he had asked just why I was reading that book, or asked questions about this book, or even ignored it, I wouldn’t have called it quits with him.

There is more than the intellect, there is emotional intelligence.

What’s the point of dating someone who can discuss with you for hours about literature, but treats you with no respect?

Some years ago, I had a date like that. I met the guy at a conference. He invited me to have a drink with him. We spent the evening discussing about Celine. But when the bill arrived at our table, he asked me if we could go dutch. And he mocked me because I had difficulty to open the door when we went out of the restaurant. He could have helped me gently to open the door.

So, sapiosexuality maybe a horrible dating trend.

celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts

The shared values


Last year, one of my failed relationships taught me an important thing about my personal values. Your personal values are key to find the right person for you. It is wise to use those as a guideline for your potential dates.

If you place money on top of your values, chances are you will look for a partner who cherish money too. Of course, if you’re very wealthy, you will be suspicious if your partner is after your money instead of pursuing his/her conquest of money.

If you’re into parties, networkings, in other words, a socialite, it’s best if you find another socialite like you.

If you’re into books, news, debates, …, it’s best if you find someone who likes to read books,…

 In the last case, congrats, you’re sapiosexual if you look for a smart partner.

Tinder can be useful to find your perfect match according to your values. Just look at the common interests you have with that person. Sometimes, there are no common likes. But if there is a description on the profile, it’s worth paying attention to those words. Questions are also helpful.

But Tinder has its limit. A real conversation face to face helps you to evaluate your potential partner. And then, there’s Facebook too. Scroll carefully his/her Facebook profile, it’s very useful.

My mistake was to ignore details on his wall on Facebook like a post about how to seduce women (with alcohol).  I also realized we didn’t have that much in common, despite five common interests on Tinder. He probably liked the same things than me a long time ago. But it’s not relevant anymore.

I also realized how important it is for me to know if my significant other has a passion for books like me. At my place, there are books everywhere. When he came here, he just mocked the books I was reading, among which there was “Economie du bien commun”.

So, yes, our values are important. And we should never trade them for love.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Are men with high IQ more faithful?

Albert Einstein, the famous physicist, had an IQ of 162. When he got famous for his theory about relativity, he started to collect a lot of mistresses. 

His first marriage was also doomed because he started to cheat on his wife, who watched him slowly going away from her,  with his cousin. After his divorce, he got married quickly to his cousin, who admired him, unlike his first wife who was also a physicist and could criticize his work. But his second marriage was doomed too, because of his theory about relativity which made him famous and offered him to travel around the world like a rock star to explain it.

So, if Einstein should serve as an example, he would invalidate this study which found that men with high IQ place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity than their less intelligent peers.

I know another example invalidating this theory. He also has an IQ of 162, like Einstein, but he’s not a physicist. He’s an economist. 

He got married twice, and cheated on his wives several times. He still collects many mistresses now. It’s not very difficult. Women run after him, as if he was a rock star too.

People are just fascinated by him. So they invite him everywhere to speak about his theories. No, he’s not Thomas Piketty nor Paul Krugman, but he’s famous in my country, and starts to be famous too in France. Every conference he gives, every seminar he’s invited to attract a lot of people, including women. 

Unlike Einstein, celebrity didn’t offer him many opportunities to cheat.  He was already unfaithful when he wasn’t famous.

But he’s an example too of a man with high IQ who doesn’t place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity.

Like this article said, men with high IQ are more likely to lie. So, it’s possible that people didn’t answer honestly to the survey. After all, a recent study shows rich people don’t  realize they are richer than they think.

Some people lie to themselves. Even men with high IQ.