love

Is it hard to meet the right person?

Apparently, there’s a perfect age to get married, according to mathematics. If you tie the knot at 28 to 32, there’s a low risk of divorce.

But what if you’re 28 to 32, and you haven’t found the right person yet? I’m 36, and I haven’t met the right person. Does it mean I’m doomed?

Some of my friends have met their right person later than when they were 32. One of my friends, who’s 38, has just moved in with her significant other. She met him two years ago through a dating site. Does it mean her relationship is ill fated?

Of course not.

Last year, I attended two weddings where the bride was way over 32. One tied the knot at 38, eight years after meeting her future husband. She could have been married at 32, the “golden age”. But life decides it other ways. Unfortunately for her, at 32, her mother passed away. She was too distraught to think about engagement at the time. And her significant other got offered to work abroad. She let him go away.

The other one was 36 when she got married. She only met her future husband two years ago. So, she was past the golden age when she met him.

So far, I haven’t heard there’s trouble in paradise for those newlyweds. Only time will tell if their marriage can last.

Nothing can predict when we will meet the right person. We can’t decide when we will meet the right person. Because it doesn’t depend solely on us. There are other people involved.

We can meet the wrong person at 28-32. We don’t have a crystal ball to tell us we’ve picked the right or the wrong person. But there are hints: if your friends or family, or both, are against your significant other, this may sound like an alarm. Most of us won’t listen to this warning.

One of the brides who I met at her wedding had that warning signal. Months later, when I was at a party, I met the husband’s friends, who told me they didn’t like his wife. “She’s mean with him. She always shouts at him“one of them said.

The bride was 28 at her wedding, the groom was 32, so they had the golden age. Yet, for some reasons, I can’t help thinking their wedding is doomed. Because his friends don’t like her.  The wedding was really strange too. While the best man listed all the qualities of the groom, the maid of honor made a bland speech about how the bride and her used to bicker when they were younger.  After their speech, the bride got angry, and complained they made her look as if she was a mean person. “I’m always the mean one” she complained.

That was strange, but not the strangest wedding speech I’ve heard so far. The weirdest one was when the bride’s speech was done by one of her male coworkers… It was a bland speech, but hey, that was weird.

If I look at the divorce rate in my country (one out of two end up in a divorce in the cities), I would say we have it difficult to find the right person.

Besides, how do we know we have found the right person?

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Risky business (Ashley Madison hacked)

Ashley Madison, the extramarital dating site, has been hit by a cyberattack. The hackers threaten to leak the personal details of users. This site has more than 30 millions users in North America.

It seems there’s nowhere to be safe on internet. And this case is a reminder that everything you publish online, even if it’s private, has the chance to be exposed to the public at least once. Not so long ago, stars like Jennifer Lawrence got their iPhone hacked and the hackers leaked their personal photos. The hackers picked all the stars who sent naked pictures of themselves to their significant other. And of course, they choose the young and attractive ones. Not to mention the numerous cases of revenge porn, where the angry ex-lovers publish their ex’s naked picture on forums and public website.

The hackers have a common goal: shaming. As various medias wrote, divorce lawyers could have a great week with this Ashley Madison scandal.

But who are the users of Ashley Madison? Not so long ago, GQ wrote an article about the Married women of AshleyMadison. Through these profiles, you can get an idea about their counterparts. Sometimes, there are politicians, athletes, CEOs, … I guess since Anthony Wiener got caught on Twitter hitting on women, other politicians have tried to get more cautious and use Ashley Madison to find women (or men) who will remain mum about their affairs.

In that article, the married women can also have a high-powered career, that could be torpedoed. Plus, in american companies, if you’re an adulterer,  you’re likely to be fired. In Europe, especially in France (and even in Germany), people are much more comfortable with infidelity, it’s not a big deal, as mentioned Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg in their book “Modern Romance”. I don’t say everyone here is ok with infidelity. But you can’t be fired because you got caught cheating on your significant other. In my company (in Belgium), one of my coworkers got caught cheating with the receptionist. He’s still working for us. As for the receptionist, unfortunately, after our company got merged, we had to let her go.

Cheaters never win.

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