life, love, relationships

The closer, the better (when your group of friends strengthens your romantic relationship)

Can Facebook predict if your romantic relationship will last? Yes, according to Jon Kleinberg, a computer scientist at Cornell University and Lars Backstrom, a Facebook engineer.

It depends on the mutual friends you share with your romantic partner on Facebook (or in real life). Your couple has a better chance to last if your romantic partner is well connected to your network. “A spouse or a romantic partner is a bridge between a person’s different social worlds” said Kleinberg when his study was released.

In fact, it’s not the number of mutual of friends you share with your romantic partner that will predict if your relationship can last.

It’s a different dynamic at play.

Common friends can act as a counselor or mediator between you and your romantic partner. Of course, it depends on your common friends.

Many people I know don’t share many common friends with their spouse or romantic partner. Simply because they choose someone outside of their circle of friends. One of my friends, who’s about to get married, met her future husband on a dating site. I’ve never heard her speaking about their common friends. She went on holiday with her group of friends, without him, several times already. But she also tried to include him in her larger group of friends. I know him a little bit, but he’s always stood behind her whenever I went to their place. He didn’t try to be friendly with me. But it would have been weird for me if he started to act as my best friend. It’s curious, because two of her friends have now become two of my friends too. Whenever they are in my city, they call me for a drink of a dinner.

Besides, one of my friends got a bad experience with the common friends he shared with his ex. She left him after five years for one of his best friends. They are now married with two kids. My friend has moved abroad.

And how do you make common friends with your romantic partner? That is a difficult question. It can happen because you bonded separately with them before your relationship started. One of my friends met her husband through their common friend.   She accepted once an invitation to an exhibition by one of her friends. Her friends also invited a group of his friends, including her future husband. He simply introduced her to him during the exhibition.

But it’s true Facebook can give you an indication on how connected your common friends are with your romantic partner. The study shows we tend to like status, pictures and posts posted by people who are close to us. We may not like those posted from someone you just met twice in your life but asked you to be friends on Facebook. But for the people we like, it’s the opposite. For instance, I tend to like every picture, even if these are failed, posted by my sister, and my friends. I get that too, from my closest friends. I’m not surprised, when I get some analysis from my datas on Facebook, to see familiar names coming up in the statistics.

In real life, it’s also the same.

In a world where it is easy to find a romantic partner (or a one-night stand – hi Tinder), the common friends are much harder to find.

celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

The real thing

When it comes to love, we all have a first time that triggered/ shaped forever our future relationships. It isn’t necessarily our first time ever. Some people can multiply partners who didn’t really count into their life until they meet the big L.

This paradigm also applies for sex. We can multiply partners and sometimes find sex boring until we find the lover that will make us discover the real thing. I’ve met many people who told me it was the case. “I don’t remember at all my first sexual experience. It was boring, the guy just did his thing and then it was it. The lovers I had after him didn’t mark me either, until I met J. He was ten years older than me. When I looked at him the first time, I thought we would never make it together because I wasn’t attracted at all to him. But he managed to convince me to sleep with him, and I couldn’t imagine how great he was as a lover. He made me discover what I like and what I don’t in sex. And he marked the turning point of my sex life. I would never forget him”O., 35, said. “I had that experience with one of my dad’s friends. Before him, I used to have sex with guys of my age, who were inexperienced  like me and for some only interested in scoring the maximum partners. He was different. The affair we had remained a secret because he’s married. But he initiated me to sex like I never did before” P., 34, said. “I had many lovers before him, but he was the one who has taken me into a whole new level with sex, but also with love. That’s why we got married” L., 36, said. “I had my first experience of mind-blowing sex years after my first one. I had finally found my sexual match. It was like if he could anticipate all my needs, I’ve never known that before”M., 38, said.

Of course, you don’t experiment that with someone who has just lost his/her virginity. I also noticed that in most of the case, the person who reveals the sexual human being in you is often older/ more experimented. In Ancient Greece, there was a rite where the eldest would pick young boys to initiate them to sex. This is an extreme example, but maybe our actual experiences derive from this (in a much legal way, BTW).

So, have you ever had a lover who changed the perception you had on sex?

celibacy, humor, life, men, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

My goodies

Reality is sometimes harsh with you. You land a very handsome man/ drop dead gorgeous woman, and he/she sucks miserably in bed. So, this following question is really important : how could you know in advance if the person in front of you is a good shot? And that’s a tough question. So, I ask around me about this topic, and I got the following answers.

I look at the way he dances. If he can’t dance, then he can’t bang. So far, this prediction has worked for me. I haven’t met the exception to this rule yet” B., 29.

You can tell if he’s a good lover or not by the way he eats. And especially what he does with his mashed potatoes in his plate. If he makes a volcano with his mashed potatoes, then he’s childish and you couldn’t expect him to treat you like a real man in bed” T., 35.

“If he’s a good kisser, then it’s promising” P., 30.

It’s in his attitude. If we have a dinner together, and he only talks about himself, then he won’t have much consideration for you in bed. And he’s the type to ask you afterwards: So, it was good?”O.,35.

Too drunk, that’s a bad lover. I had once sex with a guy so drunk that he fell asleep during the act” K., 30.

It’s difficult to determine. A man can be a good lover to one woman and a bad one to another. I believe in the compatibility of the bodies” T., 29.

“It depends on your personal tastes. You won’t necessarily like what he does to you, while another woman would” J.,29.

I just follow my instinct” L.,32.
“If she’s picky with her food, then she would be hard to come”R., 35.

If he eats like a pig, then he would lack of originality in bed”E., 37.

So, could you tell if a person is a good shot in advance or not?

NB: Why the sushi? Drunk american has got the answer :mrgreen: