celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Dating by text

dots

Nowadays, people don’t call each other anymore. I don’t call my friends anymore. We communicate either on WhatsApp, Messenger, iMessage,… And we schedule every of our meetings with texts.  I still call people from my professional sphere though. But I’ve noticed people communicate more and more by emails. Even on Linkedin.

But texts are not a real conversation. As Sherry Turkle said in her TED speech, we find a way to be connected, but alone. With texts, we keep people at distance.

Yet, when it comes to dating, texts can be useful. Who has the guts to talk to someone in the street and ask him/her out? The risk of rejection is really high in that case. It’s less of a big deal with texts. Although  with texts there’s a grey area because people can wait to reply to your text, and even not reply at all. And this can be a source of anxiety. On Messenger and iMessage, you can also see the dots indicating your friends (or family or lover) currently typing. It’s frustrating  when  those dots  don’t turn into a text.

When you try to ask out someone over texts, there’s nothing more frustrating to see this.

Aziz Ansari, who wrote “Modern romance” with the sociologist Eric Klinenberg, has a theory about what you should write in your text to reach your goal. In short, don’t do endless back and forth. A firm invitation to do something specific at a specific time is a better solution than typing pointless texts about everything and nothing to eventually forget why you started to text. Some humorous texts will also do the trick.

Yes, it can backfire because the other can refuse your invitation or can’t understand your humorous texts. But at least,  you don’t spend time typing pointless texts.

With a text like “Hey”, “what’s up?”, very few people would  write you back. At least, if you don’t know well the person. I don’t mind if my friends text me those, but they don’t do that in general.

Texts are just a mean to meet people. You can feel really alone if you text all of the time and never meet the other person at the receiving end.

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