broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Are women disadvantaged with online dating?

Scott Solomon, a biologist at Rice University, explains women don’t benefit very well from online dating and dating apps. Because women rely on various criteria to choose their partner , while men rely on their sole vision to find a woman attractive. Solomon adds women use smell to evaluate a potential partner. The smell cues are not available online. So to be sure, we had to accept a date to know right away if the guy is worthy or not. And yes, if I can’t stand the smell of the man in front of me, I will rule him out immediately.

It’s true I look for common points, pictures, lines, … on Tinder before I swipe right or left a guy. A man I would find attractive only by his looks will turn me down. When I see a very handsome man on Tinder, I just feel not very pretty enough for him. So I swipe him left.

There are also another problem with dating app like Tinder. Many men use that dating app for “confidence-boosting procrastination”. It’s the case for millennials. But older men do that too. That’s why even if you swipe right many men and they swipe you right too, you don’t engage in much conversation with them. Out of ten men I had a match with, only one started a conversation with me. Out of the 53 matches I got so far on Tinder, I’ve only started the conversation with ten of them. Most of the time, I was the one who made the first move. At that rhythm, I would be better off with Bumble (the dating app where women make the first move).

But there’s also an other explanation. Two of my dates I met on Tinder told me they swiped right almost every woman they saw on Tinder. They added once they got their match, they select the women they will start the conversation with. One of them told me he used another app to see who like him on Tinder, and then he selects the ones who really interest him.

There’s a deep feeling there are a lot of oysters on dating app, but no pearl. Yet, some people do find each other with Tinder, Bumble, or with online dating. Some people find their match right away, with the beginner’s luck. Other take their time, and some are more comfortable with online dating sites like OkCupid where you have to fill a long multiple-choice survey questions in order to find someone compatible with you. Although there’s a limit with those dating sites too. There’s a story of a math genius named Chris McKinlay who hacked OkCupid to find true love. He used bots to collect the datas left by women on this dating site and to elaborate his optimal dating profile. Over three weeks, he  received 20,000 answers from women, which he narrowed to 88 dates. Only three lead to a second date. Only one lead to a third date. None of them resulted in a serious relationship. He eventually met his significant other thanks to OkCupid. But she was the one who found him, without hacking her profile.

One of my friends told me dating apps, online dating sites, … are just occasions to meet someone new. “After you meet, relationships begin or not” he said. “Yes, it’s superficial, but the dates you get with Tinder, … are not. People are much more complicated than their  online profile” he added. After the meeting, it’s up to us to create a bond, if we like the person who stands in front of us at the bar or the coffee shop,…

For women, those meetings are crucial, because it’s the only way for them to use their smell. But I’m not sure women don’t benefit that much with online dating than men.

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celibacy, humor, life, love, men, miscellaneous, thoughts, women

Cloudbusting

Are you sensitive to odors? I am. And I don’t particularly like when people abuse of perfume. It makes me sick. Recently, two of my colleagues have started a strange game that consists in putting as much perfume as you can. No kidding. Each time I meet them in the elevator, I have the impression I still smell their perfume, that it has contaminated my clothes and my hair.

Some people think that they will leave an unforgettable impression to the other by the way they smell. So they put as much perfume as they can. But when it comes to seduction, perfume plays a second role. “I love the natural scent of a man, just after we made love. It really turns me off when he puts too much perfume and deodorant”Y.,34, admits. “I have to admit that he has to choose a perfume and stick to it, because I remember each of my lovers by their smell. But it has to be a subtle perfume. If it’s too overwhelming, I must say that I will run away”U., 30, said.

Perfume (excess of it) can ruin your date, like body odors too. “We were supposed to meet in a bar, and when he arrived, I could smell him coming from miles away. He just abused of after shave, and it made me sick the whole evening. Luckily for me, I’m a smoker, and as our country forbid now smoking inside bars and restaurant, I could escape him for a cigarette a few times in the evening. But our date was a pure disaster. When I think about it, the guy was nice with me and charming, but I really couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying to me” A.,31, told me. “I don’t like when men put on too much perfume, I get really suspicious with them: do they have something to hide to smell like that? It’s a real turn off for me” I., 36, said.

But let’s be honest, it’s better to have a date that smells too much perfume than a date who really stinks. Bad breath, smelly feet, tenacious odors from the armpits are amid the lists of odors we wish we would never smell during a date (and after). Of course, if you have lost your sense of olfaction, this wouldn’t be a problem. But on the other hand, if your sense is too developed, this could be a nightmare.

There’s a rule that should be followed regarding perfume/aftershave: Less is more! (That’s my opinion)

So, does excess perfume make you run away?

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