life, love, relationships, thoughts

Birds of a feather?

four

Birds of a feather often fly together, as it said. But it is guaranteed to last forever if you marry someone who comes from the same professional/social circle than you? Of course not. In the book “Serotonine”, the writer Michel Houellebecq narrates the live of an aristocrat, Aymeric d’Harcourt, who’s an agriculturist, and who lost his wife who was blue blood like him. She left him for a pianist who was in tour in their region. Florent-Claude, the principal character in the book, thought d’Harcourt and his wife were a good match because they came from the same social circle.

In my profession, many couples met each other at work. Some are still going strong, while some have ended in sometimes a bad way. So, it’s not guaranteed to last forever. Yet, there are strong stereotypes attached to the ideal couple, who should be in the same professional circle than we. One of my friends, who’s a teacher, told me he was asked many times if his significant other is also a teacher. As if it was obvious he should be with another teacher. His significant other isn’t. And so far, they’ve been together for a long time, and my friend is very happy in his love life. My significant other, who’s a MD, told me he got the same reaction when he told people about our relationship. The first remark he got was: “So, she ‘s a MD too?”.

Another friend of mine asked me why I don’t look for a journalist as partner. As it is my profession. But when I was on dating apps, I saw several male journalists (sometimes, I even know them in real life) but I swiped left every time. Maybe it’s because I know how a journalist can be in private life. One of my potential matches is a deputy chief editor who also teach in university and is often solicited to talk during multiple seminars. So he’s barely available. The other ones I know spend long hours at work too. I don’t know why, but it screamed “no” when I saw their profiles on dating apps.

Besides, I also have plenty of negative examples of homogeneous couples, where Mr. and Mrs do the same job. In my newsroom, there were two official couples. When one of them started to be official, their career suffered because they were hindered by something related to their relationship. Eventually, Mr. left our newsroom and the world of journalism to be a PR. He’s never returned. But they are still together. The other couple also end up with one of the members leaving the world of journalism, this time to pursue time writing a book.

There’s also the risk to be jealous of your significant other’s success.

 

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The group that affects your love life

Group thinking has been proven in my many studies to influence a lot the way we act. We see that a lot with teenagers, who develop a dress code and even a special language between their group. I’ve heard many times  one of my friends complaining about the way his teenager dresses. “All of his friends also wears that stupid Justin Bieber hairstyle, those tight jeans and that chain coming out of their pocket. It’s like he has zero personality“he says.

Even when we’re adults, we still get influenced a lot by the group we relate to. That’s why it’s important to carefully choose your group.

When it comes to our love life, it’s also important to choose the group you’re staying with. Especially if you’re single.

Spending your time with a group of single friends, who view the opposite sex as a) losers b) idiots c) bastards … will make you think that way, and this could ruin your chance to meet the one.  One of my friends told me the story of his coworker, who spent the time bashing men on the phone at work with her girlfriends. “I could hear her say that men should be treated with no respect. That they were only good for sex and that she couldn’t expect more from them. As a result, I often saw her dressed almost like a whore when she had a date after work. And her love life got pitiful, because she only picked the wrong kind of men” he said.

Spending all of your time with men, when you’re a woman, can also be detrimental to your love life. For another kind of reason. One of my friends spent most of her time with four men, her best friends as she said. Yet, she’s still single. From time to time, their friendship doesn’t resist the test of alcohol and she has ended up sleeping with two of her friends (not a the same time!) but she never managed to turn that into a real relationship. She told me she likes spending time with them because they are sooo fun. As a social worker, she needs this kind of distraction, she said. “I see so much misery with my job, I need to clear that out of my head” she added.

But groups can have a positive effect on you too. I remember when I was a student, I needed to study among all the other students at the library. It helped me remaining concentrated. I didn’t need to speak to the others. But their quiet presence helped me to remain focused on my notes.

The same can be applied to our love life. By surrounding ourselves with people who really believe in love, this can affect the way we think about love positively.

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life, men, miscellaneous, rant, thoughts, wacky, women

Old myths never die

I was talking this morning with my fellow students of the finance lessons I’ve taken, and during the conversation, one of the students said that in her bank, they generally hire young graduates from business schools for their asset management department. They do that so they can send them to follow the CFA training program (for those of you who aren’t familiar with this, it’s a training program for  financial analysts and it takes three years to complete it) . My fellow student said that they can afford to spend 5 hours a week studying for this very difficult training, because they are still young and for most of them single. She added that this year, her bank hired three female graduates from the most reknown business school in my country. And another of my classmates just joked and said that these women must be terribly ugly to be single at that age. The three women (including me) present in the conversation didn’t reply, but I could read the offense on the other women’s face.

So this is it. You cannot be beautiful and smart at the same time. My classmate probably thinks that, since those new recruited young lady graduated from the most prestigious business school of my country, they have to be ugly. Well, in fact, I know one of them, and I can tell she’s really beautiful. She told me, when she started to work for that bank, that she was glad she had her diploma and an excellent resume. Because when she entered the room for her job interview, the other people who were sitting in the waiting room looked at her, and one even asked her if she came for the secretary job offer. “When people in the professional world don’t know me, they presume I’m not an analyst, but the secretary. I don’t get offended by that. In fact, I find it funny to see their face when I’m about to do the presentation in a conference” she says.

I do believe it can be funny. I also like to create the surprise, or even panic, with the people I’m interviewing. But I also believe it’s tiring, because it’s a constant battle.

I was reading once an article in Businessweek where it said that among the highly graduated women, those who had an MBA were the most likely to quit they job when they have children. The article explained this by the fact they married an ambitious man who wants them to look after the kids while he’s busy getting his upheaval. And for the woman, the reason is because she can’t adjust her professional schedule for her kids like a lawyer or an MD can.  I still doubt that a female lawyer can adjust her schedule like that. One of my friends was a lawyer, and she had no choice but to opt out when she had her baby because she felt that, at her job, people weren’t so keen to deal with her absences for baby time. Her employer told her that she cannot do this anymore because it made her colleagues (especially the male ones, btw) jealous.

So, for the women reading this, do you think that we still have a long way to go before the end of the stereotypes against us? And for the men reading this, do you really think that a woman can’t be smart and beautiful at the same time?

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celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, Music, relationships, thoughts, women

High fidelity

In the book High Fidelity, Rob Fleming, the main character, judges the others by the music they listen. He and his clerks are basically music snobs who just despise the clients who have a shitty taste for music in their shop.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my colleagues about our musical tastes, and it reminded me of this book. He’s into opera, while I don’t know much about it, but he doesn’t have a clue about alternative and rock music, while I do. So, he asked me what kind of music I was listening to, and when I gave him the name of the bands I enjoy the records, he just looked at me as if I was speaking chinese or something like that.

I don’t know why, but I don’t like to talk about my musical taste, especially when I know the other people don’t know anything about Tool or Queens of the Stone Age (except three of my friends, no one in my entourage has ever heard of those bands, yup). Music is something personal, everyone has a different taste on this. Besides, there’s so many different categories, groups, artists, … that it’s impossible to know everything in this area.

One of my friends think it’s important to share the same taste in music with your partner. “I once dated a guy who listened to the crappiest pop music on this planet, like  those Romanians who sang  on a plane, I think the name of the band was O-zone or something like that, and I thought to myself what a jerk he was. I noticed that often, shitty taste for music goes hand in hand with a crappy personality too. So, for me, it’s definitely a criteria for picking a man” she said.

Another said that it’s best when your mutual tastes for music are not too far from each other. “Don’t forget that if you plan to live with him, you will have to bear his music, so, it’s best when it doesn’t offend your ears. How could you stand a guy who listen to metal and stuffs like that while you’re into classical music?” she said.

Another friend of mine said she doesn’t care at all about the musical taste of her potential partner. “If he has all the qualities I look for in man, this is purely a detail that should be ignored” she said.

So, would you reject someone because he/she doesn’t listen to the same kind of music than you?

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broken heart, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

You’re just a baby

I bumped into an old friend of mine recently. We went to College together, and at that time, he was dating a much older woman than him. He was 20, she was 40. “Women of my age don’t attract me, I’ve got the impression to be with whining babies, while older women represent the real woman to my eyes” he said back then. Now, he’s still dating a woman who’s 15 years older than him, faithful to his idea.

He told me that this kind of relationship has one huge problem: its social recognition. “I don’t really care what people can say about us, but what is hurting me the most is the fact that my family doesn’t really accept it, especially my mother, who takes the culprit of being a bad mother because of my choice” he said.

This reminds me of my old director. She came once in our office devastated because her son decided to move in with the woman of his life. The problem was that this woman wasn’t exactly what my boss had hoped for her son. “He met her in his school, she was the one who was serving the dishes at their restaurant. She’s old, she’s fat, she’s gross, she’s simply eeewwwww. On top of that, she has already a kid with a convict. What was he thinking?” she said. She told me her daughter and everyone else in the school called her the grumpy whale, because she wasn’t exactly kind with the students. She made obviously an exception for my director’s son. He told her mom she was the one, and that she’d better not interfere in his decision. I wonder if he’s still living with her now…

This is a special example, but in my friend’s case, the woman he’s dating has nothing to do with a grumpy whale. The problem is just the age difference. He explained he got a lot of remarks about their relationship coming from his relatives, that goes something like this: “She’s too old to give you a baby”, “You don’t come from the same generation, how can you understand each other? “, “You’re at the beginning of your life, she’s already experienced tons of experience you need to discover by yourself”, “She looks like your mom, when you’re together, it’s just ridiculous”. And he told me that his partner also gets a lot of biased questions/advices about it, like for example”He will leave you for a younger one” or “He’s just a baby, you can only mother him”.

Age difference in a relationship shouldn’t be a problem if both of you share a lot of common points, the same goals in life, and a true understanding of each other. This is what my friend believes, and he’s right. If both of you are on the same wavelength, then age ain’t nothing but a number. Another friend of mine, who’s 30, is dating a 50-year old designer right now, and she said that of course, you have to share a lot of common points, but it’s better if you’re sexually compatible too.

So, would you date someone younger than you?

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celibacy, humor, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky

A burger queen

I recently read in a magazine an interview of Salma Hayek, gushing about her newborn. She had however those words toward her bundle of joy: “I wanted to have a boy. I’m happy to have a girl, but I have the sense it’s easier for men on this planet than for women”.

Is it really difficult to be a woman?

Well, yes and no, it’s a question of point of view. I often hear women complaining about how difficult it is to be like that because of their looks. “Men don’t have to spend hours in the bathroom to look human. They just shave, wash, and that’s it, they’re ready. When I wake up in the morning, I realise I have a lot of work to do to eliminate any mark of sleep off my face, and if I have a pimple, my day is simply ruined” O., 31, said. “Men don’t have to spend a lot to look good. We do. They don’t need to have handbags, shoes, accessories to match their clothes. They don’t need to go often to the hairdresser, nor the beautician because they can let their hair grow, they won’t look like a monster”P.,35, said. “Men don’t need to put make up and to check it everytime. They can rub their eyes if they want and then not look like a raccoon“ P., 34, said. “They can pee everywhere”,U.,31, said.

Women also complains about their conditions when it comes to work, because this is where disparities are the most obvious. Unfortunately, for the same job, we’re still often paid less than a man,  maybe because we don’t have the guts to ask for a pay rise. And also, our family duties often put a strain on our career.

Finally, there are also disparities in the cruising part, but here, I don’t know in which camp it is better to sit. “I prefer to be a woman just because I can get invited in a restaurant without being considered as a boor or stingy“P., 24, said. “I do believe it’s easier for a woman because I am the one who gets asked out, I don’t think I would ask out a man” Y., 35, said. “I don’t know, I have the impression that men get less harassed than women” L., 36, said.

So, do you think it’s difficult to be a woman? And do you think it’s difficult to be a man?

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

That don’t impress me much

I had another proof of what I wrote in a previous post. This time, I wrote a post about horrible university professors, and the day after, I received an invitation from one of them to lunch together. In fact, this time, it covered two topics: one about the toxic heart and the other about a married man who tries to score with a much younger journalist than him. Needless to say that I haven’t change my mind on university professors and that I haven’t got the same issue than my friend who’s facing a similar situation.

In fact, the lunch with him got a bit weird. What would you say to a guy who’s a CEO, university professor, and much older than you? I’m not good at professional socialization like that, I tend to stay mute. But he asked me one question that’s still running in my head right now: Am I impressed by CEOs? The answer is absolutely not, I just don’t know what to say to them apart from questions about their company. In fact, I would only be impressed by one man: a midget (sigh) who’s the lead singer of the band Tool.

This makes me think from a relationship perspective: what can really impress us? And do we need to feel impressed to fall in love? When I ask that around me, the answer to the first question varies a lot from one another, while for the second, it’s a majority of no. What really impresses us depends on our personal values. If we put money before everything, for sure, someone’s who’s earning really well his life can impress us. If we put courage and honesty in first, a person who’s a carbon copy of this would impress us. “I could be impressed by a guy who’s great with children, who cares and understands women in general, and respectful of the others”H., 34, said. “I can be impressed by a man who’s accomplished his goal in life, as long as he’s not lying about it”G., 30, said. “Nothing, except maybe kindness, it’s a scarcity in this world”F., 31, said.

And for the second question, people generally answer that it can play a role, but a second one. “I don’t need to feel impressed to fall in love. I fall in love following my instinct and my feelings for the guy, and this has nothing to do with his impressive personality”P.,32, said. “I must say that a guy must win me over, so yes, I need to feel impressed by him”D., 34, said. “Seduction is a bit linked to impression, so I would say yes”F., 32, said.

So, do you need to feel impressed to fall in love? And what can impress you?

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celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Shooting star

Short men have no chances to score with women. At least, if you believe this study. Yet, I’m not convinced at all, since I have plenty examples around me to prove the contrary. But it’s true that when you ask around you what kind of men women wants, you’ll get a vast majority of preference for tall guys. Why? Some women need to feel protected and to feel like “a little thing to be cuddled”. Of course, we’re not all like that. And one of my friends, who’s lesbian, finds this really stupid, since she doesn’t care at all about this aspect when she seeks for a partner.” I don’t need to feel protected, and I don’t know if I’m able to protect my partner”. I agree (partly) with her.

Tous les goûts sont dans la nature“, like we say in French. Some women like tall men, some other like short ones. And I believe, when it comes to love, that the problem of height doesn’t matter at all. Look at the celebrities. The most obvious example of this is Tom Cruise.

If you don’t take into account his romance with Penelope Cruz, all the women he married so far were taller than him.

First, Nicole Kidman.

Then, with Katie Holmes.

And Mimi Rogers was also taller than him, if I remember well.

On the celibacy market however, you would probably have a better chance to score if you’re tall (for a man) and short (for a woman). Most of my single friends (and I) have admitted they would spontaneously go and flirt with a tall man rather than a short one. At least, a man taller that they are. And when your height is above 5’9″ for a woman, it gets trickier.

I read recently an interview of a French actress, not very popular, who was elected Miss Corsica when she was young. She said that despite of her beauty, she wasn’t asked out very often because of her height. “I learned that humor and repartee are the most precious weapons of seduction you can have” she said.

So, when Mother Nature didn’t give you any advantage in beauty, you have to compensate with your personality (or something else). In that sense, the actress mentioned above is truly right.

Besides, there’s tall and tall. There will always be someone shorter than you, likewise, there will always be someone taller than you. A short man for one woman isn’t short for another one. A tall woman for one man wouldn’t be tall for another one. It’s a question of perspective.

And when it comes to love, being tall or not has its advantages and its disadvantages. For example, if you’re short and he/she’s short, you won’t have neck problems if you kiss. Likewise, your mutual heights allow you to experiment or not certain positions when it comes to sex.

On this practical aspect :mrgreen: , here’s the question of the day: What do you look for in a potential partner (physically speaking)?

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celibacy, humor, life, men, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

My goodies

Reality is sometimes harsh with you. You land a very handsome man/ drop dead gorgeous woman, and he/she sucks miserably in bed. So, this following question is really important : how could you know in advance if the person in front of you is a good shot? And that’s a tough question. So, I ask around me about this topic, and I got the following answers.

I look at the way he dances. If he can’t dance, then he can’t bang. So far, this prediction has worked for me. I haven’t met the exception to this rule yet” B., 29.

You can tell if he’s a good lover or not by the way he eats. And especially what he does with his mashed potatoes in his plate. If he makes a volcano with his mashed potatoes, then he’s childish and you couldn’t expect him to treat you like a real man in bed” T., 35.

“If he’s a good kisser, then it’s promising” P., 30.

It’s in his attitude. If we have a dinner together, and he only talks about himself, then he won’t have much consideration for you in bed. And he’s the type to ask you afterwards: So, it was good?”O.,35.

Too drunk, that’s a bad lover. I had once sex with a guy so drunk that he fell asleep during the act” K., 30.

It’s difficult to determine. A man can be a good lover to one woman and a bad one to another. I believe in the compatibility of the bodies” T., 29.

“It depends on your personal tastes. You won’t necessarily like what he does to you, while another woman would” J.,29.

I just follow my instinct” L.,32.
“If she’s picky with her food, then she would be hard to come”R., 35.

If he eats like a pig, then he would lack of originality in bed”E., 37.

So, could you tell if a person is a good shot in advance or not?

NB: Why the sushi? Drunk american has got the answer :mrgreen:

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life, men, miscellaneous, relationships, sex, thoughts, wacky, women

Men’s need

Spending your lunchtimes with your male colleagues can be quite instructive. For instance, when I was working as a banker, I had to spend my very short lunchtime with three colleagues that kept on talking about football (soccer for the US readers), from the Champion’s League to small regional divisions. I thought it was boring at that time, but now I’ve switched to an upper level in the financial world, I realise these little informations (I knew nothing about football then) are quite helpful when you have a business lunch with – again- exclusively men. Or when you’re invited by an investment bank to a game, in the VIP section. That doesn’t mean I’m into football now, though. I don’t watch any match on TV.

When I arrived in my newsroom, I found myself again going to lunch with mostly my male colleagues (it’s not my fault, I get along really well with men in general, less with women- and besides, female journalists are still a minority, except in the women magazines). The topics of our conversations vary (thank god) a lot more than in my previous job, but it all boils down actually to two subjects: football (again) and women. One of my former colleagues ( a true misogynist) used to say that women have only two subjects of conversation: their appearance and men. Well, I can send the compliment back to him. What’s amazing in men’s conversations is that they can’t avoid judging physically their female counterparts, but are unable to tell you directly what they think of you. An example? I went out with four male journalists once, and they kept on talking about the different (young) female journalists in the newsroom. And it went something like this: “Did you see how she was dressed this morning, she looked like a ho?”  or “Yeah, that one is really a true beauty, she’s definitely shagable” Of course, it depends on which colleagues you’re talking about. Some of my colleagues won’t talk exactly like that on their female counterparts. Some don’t care at all, while others just criticize their many physical defects.  And I always wonder if they act ten times worse when there’s no woman with them on the midday break. Probably, since I have the impression that my ears whistle during this particular period of the day when I attend a press conference.

What strikes me is that when I go and lunch with only female journalists, we never abord the question of our male counterparts. Well, not on a physical aspect, at least. I’ve never heard any of my female colleagues saying she would boink one of her male colleagues. And this topic doesn’t occupy 85% of our conversation time like for my male colleagues.  The subjects consist more on the family, travels, …

So, I’m curious, do you gossip like that on your colleagues?

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