celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, women

The trophy

Many wealthy women have tried to flirt with me after my divorce” said one of my friends, who’s a university professor. “But I refused all of them, because I don’t want to be the intellectual trophy they parade at their galas,… It’s not my cup of tea” he added.

My friend often gives lectures and conferences, and sometimes appears on TV. Usually, after his conferences, there are a lot of women who come and ask him questions. But my friend told me he’s a bit afraid of them.

I can understand him, as I also turned down two wealthy men last year, who were impressed by my intelligence as they said. I met them at a conference where I was one of the speakers. Both of them were much older than me. I felt exactly the same way as my friend with his wealthy suitors. Except I’m not shaken by a divorce like my friend.

My friend was married to a woman who was wealthy, but didn’t match his intelligence. I told him several times they weren’t a good match. His ex-wife is a socialite, whose goal is to appear in the cocktail parties pictures published in people magazines. She often  gunned him down in front of other people.  I told him she was very mean. Of course, she hated me.

“Why don’t you go for a female professor?” I asked him. He didn’t reply.

Nowadays, as men aren’t the sole breadwinner and decision-maker in a couple, most men search for their equal in education, intelligence, achievement,… They don’t look for a woman who just looks good. But it’s the same, and ever more, for women.

I half joked in a previous post about asking my potential dates if they can quote a poem from Baudelaire, some lines from “Economie du Bien commun”, or a theorem from Mandelbrot. Usually, I just ask what is the last book they read. If they can’t answer, I tell them it’s not worth to pursue the conversation. If they answer “just Sci-Fi ” or something like that, I don’t want the conversation to go on either. One of my dates told me he was reading “Le rouge et le noir” by Stendhal. I happily decided to pursue the conversation with him.

Besides,  your circles can dismiss quickly a companion who doesn’t match you in education or status. So, yes, your friends are a precious ally.

Guys who just look for a model as their significant other are either narcissistic, or just another model.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Race for the prize

When you’re a beautiful woman, you can face a particular problem with men: playing the role of the trophy wife/girlfriend. Some women don’t mind at all being considered like that, while others just can’t stand it. One of my friends is a former model, and she had experienced it a lot when she was younger. “When I was a teenager, the boyfriends I had all wanted to present me to their friends so they can brag about that. It was extremely unpleasant, I had the impression I was just a piece of meat. Besides, I had the impression they dated me for what I represented, not for myself” she said.”If a man tells me that he wants me to meet his friends although it has been only three days we’re dating, I find that really suspect. Especially if his friends are all male ones” T., a 34 year-old beauty, said.

Sometimes, it’s really obvious he’s using you as a trophy, but sometimes, it isn’t that simple. “I met B. during a professional meeting. He was the speaker, I was a journalist attending the seminar, and after it, he invited me for dinner. He had a lot of attentions for me afterwards and simply couldn’t spend a day without calling me. I got completely seduced by him and started dating him shortly after. Everything was perfect, except that I found it a little bit odd he brought me to multiple seminars with him, so I could be near him. Once, as I was in the restroom, I heard two women talking in the room about that cute little journalist who was the latest toy of this guy, CEO of a big company. I didn’t immediately understand, but then, it stroke me: they were talking about me. It was horrible, I felt used. I immediately broke up with him” L., 31, said.

It’s a pill bitter to swallow when you realised you were used like that. But some women don’t mind being treated like that, they even find it flattering. It’s a question of point of view.

Besides, it’s flattering that your man can be proud of you because of who you are. And if he doesn’t want to present you to his friends, maybe he’s ashamed of you, and that leaves you with another kind of problem.

So, would you mind being considered as a trophy? And for the men reading this, do you brag about the women you’re dating?