celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Not fond of your friend’s partner


Recently, one of my friends asked me why I didn’t try to stop his relationship with his ex. He broke up with her four years ago, after a four years relationship. During their relationship, he told me several times he wasn’t happy with her, and I just asked him  why he wasn’t leaving her. But he didn’t attempt to break up with her. Until after one night, he fainted after a violent argument with her. That day, he understood he had to leave her. She was verbally abusive with him all of the time, and used him as a trophy .

Honestly, I don’t think I could have succeed in stopping him to date her. I could have lost him if I tried, because he could have stayed with her anyway. I didn’t know how bad was his relationship with her, because he didn’t tell me anything about his relationship, except from time to time that he was unhappy. I’ve only met her twice during their relationship, during a short period, so I couldn’t see if she was verbally abusive to him.

Should you try to make your friend break up with his/her partner because you don’t like him/her?

Your intervention in your friend’s relationship, especially if unwanted by your friend, can backfire. When we’re in love, all we want, is to be with the person we love. We tend to forget about our friends. During this period, we can’t listen to eventual warnings our friends are trying to tell us. “I’ve lost some friends this way” told one of my friends. “I told a friend of mine her boyfriend wasn’t nice at all with her, but she got offended when I said that. She took her distance with me after that” she said.

It’s difficult to criticise your friend’s partner, because you don’t really know what is going on between them, because you don’t live with them (unless you are roommates). You can’t change your friend’s mind just by saying you don’t like his/her significant other. Your friend may even think you’re jealous of their relationship, especially if you’re single.

If you collect only failed relationships, you’re not in a good place to give relationship advices to your friend who try  to build a relationship.

But you can react when you see your friend struggling with his/her significant other. For example, if you witness your friend being criticised for no good reason, or yelled at for no good reason. That’s normal to stand for your friend in those cases.

If your friend ask you about his/her relationship and how right it is, yes, you can be honest with your friend. Your friend can have doubt about his/her relationship.

Personally, I don’t like if my friends give me advices on my relationship if I don’t ask for it.

celibacy, life, love, men, sex, thoughts, women

Hot for teacher

Recently, Katy Perry said this:

“I’ll probably end up with someone who’s a bit older and a few steps ahead of me – I want someone I can learn from”

I also read in a stupid male magazine that men should offer challenge to women, because they like it and they want someone they can learn from. Do they? I’m not sure. As I am in a constant battle with one of my professional contacts who basically thinks he knows it all and feels obliged to give me some lessons about this and that, although his lessons aren’t accurate. An example? Recently, I called him to have some informations about the latest developments in his company, and he had to tell me: “you know, J., that in the US, they have a rule against short selling, and blabla,…” and then hung up. It was just too bad that the Securities and Exchange Commission removed the so-called uptick rule in 2007… I just thought to myself: geez, what a douche.

So, maybe a man I can learn from, but certainly not a mister-know-it-all.  I ask around me if they want someone they can learn from, and this is what I got:

Oh, it depends. I would accept a man I can learn from, if he can learn from me too. I think this got to be mutual” U., 32, said (and I agree 100% with her!)

“Why not? I don’t know everything in life. I find it great to have a support from a man, to know that he might have the answers to some of my problems” L., 34, said.

I always look for advices, so, a man I can learn from can be a great match for me”X., 31, said.

It’s not because he’s older than you that you can necessarily learn from him. Don’t forget that some men can be immature. You thought you landed a full-grown man, and the next thing you know is he’s just a cry baby who can’t take it like a man. “B. was 10 years older than me, and was the CEO of a well known company. Yet, whenever he had to defend his opinion in a debate, he would stutter and tried his possible to avoid the confrontation. He also can’t take any criticism, without coming next to me and complains about it like a crybaby. I found it really boring. I had the impression to take the lead in the relationship all of the time, and I didn’t feel comfortable at all with that”K., 34,said.

So, do you want a man you can learn from?