Blinding lights

Everytime I think of you, I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue…

How far can we go to seduce the one we fancy? I was reading this morning in a magazine the story of a woman who fell in love with her father’s best friend when she was 12. She decided at that time to turn into the woman he would love, which mean embracing his interests. He was into archeology. She turned into an archeologist. He liked women’s body. She took dance lessons to shape her body. Yet, it took her 20 years to reach her goal. Before, she had several lovers, but none of them could challenge her father’s friend. Decisions like that can be good because she managed to have her own life before getting him.  She managed to adjust her desire with her personal path, and find an equilibrium. But it’s not always the case.

Some people change completely their whole personality to seduce the one they love. But this is we can really lose ourselves. We all have our own tastes, own ideas, own personality. It’s important to stick to those. Yet, when we fall in love, we accept to lose ourselves in the relationship. In the first months of a relationship, none of us is really ourselves because we feel only love. But as time goes by, reality comes back into the equation, and this is where the lovers have to discover each other, and learn to live with each other. Here, tensions can appear, because we’re different. But some people feel the need to mimick their partners because they are afraid to lose them. I knew a girl when I was in High school who turned into a punk when she dated a punk, posh when she dated a wealthy guy, tomboy when she dated a guy who hated the too feminin girls in the school, … The list was never ending. I just hope now she’s not following the same path in her love life.

Yet, it’s true that we all change a bit when we fall in love. Recently, one of my friends who used to be shy and introverted in public has changed because she fell in love with someone. He didn’t ask her to change, but she told me she felt she needed to change. “It’s like he’s helping me silently to discover myself a little bit more. I feel encouraged by him to do so. He didn’t ask me to do so” she said.  She added that she wanted to change, before she met him. He just gave the courage to do so.

The key is to find an equilibrium.

So, what sacrifice would you accept to make if you’re in love?