relationships, love, wedding, thoughts

Getting quickly engaged

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Recently, the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, announced she is engaged on her Facebook and Instagram profile. She met her future husband during the spring of last year. So, it took them less than nine months to get engaged.  There are countless stories about people who got quickly engaged. Sandberg isn’t alone. Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni tied the knot very quickly after starting to date each other. Both were previously married or involved in a long term relationship. So they already had a solid experience with marriage.

In the case of Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, they are still married to each other after almost eleven years now.

Some say you just know when you find your soulmate. But there are no accident I think.

In the case of Sheryl Sandberg, she was introduced to her future husband who is a CEO in the technology industry. They come from the same circle of friends and sector.  It’s not different for Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni. They were also introduced to each other by a common friend.

I don’t think it’s possible to get engaged to someone you just met on Tinder or any other dating application. If you do, well, congratulations. Maybe you’re still young and full of hope. There are so exceptions. But it’s like lottery. Like we say, only fool rush in.

For those who were previously married, it’s a bit different. Because they have experience.

Yet, I know many couples who are not married with their significant other. In my company, the CEO is not married to his significant other, who is our marketing director. It’s been already three years they have been with each other. But he left his wife to be with her. So there is a painful divorce in the way.

Sometimes, the past is not very far in our love life.

In the case of Sheryl Sandberg, she lost her husband five years ago after an accident.  She dated another man after that, but didn’t marry him. He was maybe her rebound relationship. Rebound relationships are ill-fated.

Besides, it may take a long time between the engagement and the marriage. Sheryl Sandberg isn’t married yet.

And there is no guarantee the marriage will last.

 

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women, relationships, love, thoughts

Villains

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Why are we sometimes attracted to jerks who are mean with us?

One of my friends is always attracted to mean women. I told him many times he’s masochist because he’s chosen the same type of women over and over again. His ex was very dominant, and couldn’t help belittle him in front of other people. My friend told me she said he was not clever in front of his friends at a garden party. His other friends also warned him she was very mean with him. Yet, he pursued a relationship over four years with her. She was the one who ended the relationship. She left him for another man.

His new relationship isn’t going well either because his new woman is also mean with him. “Intellectually,  this relationship is interesting” he told me.”I take it day after after. We’ll see” he added. 

Robert Sutton, a professor of management at Stanford university, defines as asshole a person who lowers, exhausts and fails to respect other people.

Yet, despite this negative definition, people are attracted to assholes. Nice people (defined as person who are kind and respect other people) are sometimes perceived as annoying.

It’s particular true in the professional work. Although assholes don’t last forever in their company. In a newsroom close to mine, the editor in chief was pushed to the exit after 15 journalists complained about his bullying behavior. But he was chosen over other people to be the editor in chief  four years ago. He was perceived as a good leader.

“Villains are always picked as leader of a group or a team. Managers don’t want nice people as leaders” says one of my friends.

Maybe assholes are picked because they are sometimes very clever and understand what people need. Maybe the reason is because they are generally in a very high position in society. In other words, they are attractive. That’s why people find excuses to their disrespectful behavior. My friend’s current significant other is a well known public personality. I guess he has an important place for celebrities and the access to their world over values like respect.

All in all, it depends on your own values. If you don’t want respect and kindness,  but prefers “intellectually interesting people”, there is a good chance you will end with an asshole or a villain.

 

 

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celibacy, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Why aren’t you married?

EMMA WATSON DEC19Recently, one of my coworkers told me she was shocked by what her therapist said to her.”You cannot grow old alone” her therapist told her, because my coworker told her she was happy to be single.

While it’s true that you’re better off alone than in bad company, being single over a long period can be difficult too. But I guess it depends on your personality.  Among writers, Louisa May Alcott, the novelist behind “Little women”, was never married. It’s an exception.

Among the people I know, there are also unmarried people who live with their significant other. They have never got married despite a long time together. One of my friends has been with the same man for over 23 years now. They have never got married, even if they have a child together. Another friend of mine isn’t married to his significant other, who is expecting their first child. He’s convinced marriage is a question of tax, as this taxation encourages married couple over those who are not married.

There are some people who are not married and not in a relationship. But they were previously in a relationship that turned sour in the end. One of my friends left her abusive ex and hasn’t found any stable relationship since then. Another one has been in several long-term relationships, over 2 years, but has never settles so far. They are both in a transition period of celibacy.

Some people are also single because they are in a relationship with someone who isn’t available. Either because they are married to another person, or are just not interested in a serious relationship.

My coworker didn’t say if she was just single, or in transition period of celibacy.

There is also a pride about being single nowadays, especially for women. Some celebrities like Emma Watson are proud to be “self-partnered” .

The hashtag #selfpartnered is also gaining popularity on social medias like instagram.

It’s a trend among millenials. I guess when you’re young, you don’t want to ruin all the possibilities you have.

My coworker is also a millenial. Maybe that’s why she was shocked by her therapist.

 

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entertainment, love

Still young at heart

Today, it was impossible to avoid this “news”.

 

Why? Because they were married until he left her for another woman. So, people can’t help hoping they will get back together after all. But it doesn’t look very improbable.

Maybe they are still friends with benefits? Or just friends? Who knows?

It only shows they are still young at heart. Because both of them are over 50.

This morning, I also heard an interview of a writer who said they are not many plays about women over 50. “It’s like they are invisible in art” she said. “As if a woman over 50 doesn’t have an desire anymore” she added.

So Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston write on their own their play about love above 50, with or without being together again.

At least, it’s a relief he doesn’t appear with a much younger woman than him.

 

 

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love

The year review

It’s the end of the year. Time for a review.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? 

Thai massage lesson. Running

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  

I don’t make resolutions. I just try to make some changes.

 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. My close friend eventually gave birth to a beautiful girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?  Yes.

5. What countries did you visit?  

The Philippines, France, England, Ireland

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?  

Inspiration

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

June 4: The day I became an landlord

June 16: The start of my relationship with the one I didn’t expect.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

love

9. What was your biggest failure?

Losing my radio voice

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

An apartment. At last.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Kindness, everywhere

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? extremists of all kinds.

14. Where did most of your money go? The apartment

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? 

The apartment

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

Invincible – Tool
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

Happier. Neither thinner nor fatter. Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

yoga

exhibitions

 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

A certain part of my work I didn’t ask for.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

Yes.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No

24. What was the best book you read?  

Le meutre du commandeur – Murakami

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?  Sam Fender

26. What did you want and get?  an apartment

27. What did you want and not get? inspiration

28. What was your favorite film of this year?  

Once upon a time in Hollywood

 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I celebrated my birthday with the one I love

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 

I was very satisfied 🙂

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

An addiction to a certain brand

32. What kept you sane? My friends and family.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 

No one

34. What political issue stirred you the most?  Intolerance

35. Who did you miss? My uncle

36. Who was the best new person you met? My heart

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019. Learn to love

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Take all your chances while you can
Never know when they’ll pass you by
Like a sum a mathematician cannot solve

Happy New Year!

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life, love, relationships

Is Tinder going to end?

Esther Perel, a relationship therapist, says Tinder won’t last.

 ‘I’ve yet to find anyone who tells me that dating on any app is fun. Nobody tells me that it’s playful or mischievous – it is utterly uninspired, devoid of imagination, seduction, charge or excitement. It’s just romantic consumerism.

And when people do go on a date, it’s like a job interview’

It may be not that fun, but some people do meet their significant other thanks to Tinder and other dating apps.

When we use Tinder and other dating app, we rely on their algorithm to find people who can meet our needs. Some people use dating app to find a turnover of lovers. Some people use dating app to find their partner.

Like Esther Perel says, when people go on a date, it’s like they attend a job interview. The first date is always awkward because of that. But we don’t look for the same thing during a job interview.  In a job interview, we often put our skills and experiences forward.  Sometimes, we also mention our athletic feat, like our time during a marathon. During a date, we don’t give those details. But it’s true, in both cases, that we want to be liked.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

In the end, we always have the choice of taking the chance to pursue a relationship with our date or not.

So, Tinder is just a way to meet people.

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broken heart, life, love, thoughts

To follow again your ex on Instagram

In the social media age, it’s difficult to stay away from your recent breakup. Some people are tempted to stalk their ex after the breakup. It’s not wise and it doesn’t help you to move on, but sometimes, the best medicine to your obsession is the obsession itself.

But some people choose to unfollow their ex on social media, like snapchat, Tik Tok (for the young ones) and of course, the most used social media nowadays: Instagram. That social media is particular, since people only post pictures with sometimes a caption. It’s a little bit different from Facebook, where people can post links to articles, videos, pictures,….

Yet,  for some reasons, we can be tempted to follow again our ex on Instagram, as we can be tempted to re-friend our ex on Facebook after a hiatus. Like on Facebook, the person you choose to unfollow doesn’t get any notification. But he/she get a notification when you follow him/her. If the person has chosen to have a private account on Instagram, the social media will ask him/her if he/she wants to be followed by you. In other words, you remind your ex of your presence. It’s a first step to come back into your ex’s life.

If you want to come back into your ex’s life, it’s not going be easy.  Your ex can choose to block you from social media. If your ex doesn’t reject you, it doesn’t mean your ex want you to come back in his/her life. But in the digital age of social media, people are not that careful with their profile and account. So a new follower, even from the past, it’s not important for some people.Personally, I don’t really care who follow me on Instagram. I don’t post every day.

If you are still friends with your ex, it may be a good reason to follow your ex again on Instagram.

 

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