Quarreling is inevitable in a long term relationship. We can be upset by something our significant other did. It can even happen with our friends, and our coworkers, as we spend a lot of time at work.
The degree of arguments can vary. We can argue over our finance, the children, or simply because we feel rejected in our relationship with our significant other. There are many reasons why we can quarrel. But the way we resolve those quarrels can be a good indicator of the strength of our relationship.
“My parents used to shout at each other, accusing each other of their supposed fault, and after a little silence, they used to offer each other a gift in sign of their peace. But it was a bad strategy, because they divorced when I was 15″ says one of my friends. “My father was mad at my mother for being too spendthrift, while my mother was mad at him for always forgetting events, including her birthday” she added. “But they never managed to get over their bitterness for each other, despite the artificial patch that are the gifts“.
Unfortunately for us, our parents are a guide, good or not, for our own fights with our significant other. Fortunately, we are not alone in the quarrels with our partner, as it takes two to tango.
If your partner is mature enough, resolving conflicts can be easier over time. The first times can be difficult because you have to adjust to your new significant other. But over time, we can even predict why our partner is upset. And try to avoid this. For conflicts, they know what to say, with kindness for each other, thanks to their experience.
Anger is not always a good advice when we quarrel with our partner, or with our friend. Some people decide to take some hours after being upset, even days, before trying to resolve their conflict with other people.
But there are special cases. “I lost one of my friends just like that. She refused to talk to me without telling me why. She cut all her contacts with me, and refuse to answer my calls. I even went to her house several times, but she never replied. I should have known she would be doing that with me, as she cut contact with her parents, then with her husband, and another friend of her” one my friends says.
“My ex used to disappear every time I was mad at him. I guess he hoped I would forget about why I was mad at him after some time away” another friend of mine says.
According to the psychologist John Gottman, the way you resolve conflicts with your significant other can predict if your relationship can last. It also depends on how you care for your partner, and how he/she cares for you.