life, love, relationships

Use somebody

“Someone like you and all you know and how you speak”

Kings of Leon, Use somebody

Recently, one of my friends ended his four year relationship with his significant other. He met her during a cocktail party a long time ago, and she became friend with him.

My friend, although he’s very clever, has a weakness with the opposite sex. He has been fooled many times, and he still hasn’t learned from his mistakes.

After his divorce, he started a relationship with her. Men can’t stay single for long after a divorce, while for women, it’s often different. Some of my female friends have stayed single for long after their divorce, sometimes ten years, before jumping again in a new relationship.

His new significant other used to be a politician’s wife. He died of cancer a long time ago. She has a status of “femme du monde”, like we say here, designating women who are regular guests to banquets and cocktails party organized for the high society. They are also rich, sometimes famous, but not because of what they have accomplished. Usually, they appear on people magazine pages, dedicated to mundane cocktails and painting exhibitions. Not because they have published a book, nor won a tennis tournament, nor saved people,…  In my country, several magazines have some pages where you can see “important” people at business clubs, country clubs, art exhibition inaugural parties, … One of them tried to get rid of it, but it received so many complaints from readers it had to put those pages back on.

As a well respected intellectual figure, my friend was also invited to those events. He’s brilliant, so he has no problem attracting women (and men). Usually, people just listen to him with admiration.

That’s how he met her.

Several times during his relationship with her, he told me he was unhappy, because she was hysterical. She was mean with his daughter. He said she banned her from her house. He feared her.

Yet, curiously, he started to appear in people magazines, alongside her. Later, he told me it was her initiative, as she wanted to have her picture in those magazines.

In other words, she used him and his celebrity to get access to fame.

He only realized this recently. He had a difficult year last year, because of his job, and also a lawsuit. Sometimes, we need a shock in our life to realize what’s wrong with it.

She sounds like a manipulative personality. It’s not easy to get out of such a toxic relationship.

life, love, relationships

Lost generation (dating apocalypse)

The Y generation is very fragile in this economy. For those who don’t come from the upper class, where their parents can provide their big networking, it’s difficult to find a good job, or even go to a prestigious college. In Europe, the recession has hit hard the young generation. In Spain, Greece, Portugal, Italy, and even Ireland, not to say Iceland, the young generation has a huge rate of unemployment. Even in my country, it’s difficult. The young people who just go out of college can’t find a stable job. Just in my newsroom, all of the new young journalists who got hired were just offered a three months or six months contract they can’t refuse, because very few medias are hiring. We have to let go several of them once their contract were ended. I have seen many who have collected three months contract in other newspapers before arriving in my newsroom, where they are not guaranteed to stay. Unfortunately for them, when our budget is tight, the first to get fired are the ones who hold a short term contract.

Yet, they have gained a precious experience, and most of my former young coworker have found a permanent contract in other newspapers or medias, sometimes abroad. My newspaper has an excellent reputation for those who worked there.

Unfortunately for them, as it comes to love, they are the most fragile too. Because they are not guaranteed to have a long term relationship anymore.

Vanity Fair wrote an article about the damage done by social media like Tinder. The topic is also raised in Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg in their book “Modern Romance: an investigation”. With social media and dating sites, you get that feeling of always having the possibility to find a better person. We’re never satisfied with our choice, and we can’t choose, because there are too many choices.  Vanity Fair even called that a dating apocalypse. But I can’t help thinking about all of those who hook up through Tinder, and how dangerous is it. Because you put yourself in danger with random strangers you find on that social media. We seem to forget, when we swipe to the right or the left, that there’s a human being behind that screen, with all what it means.

Womanizers can collect women, but some will make them pay. They can get pregnant even after a one night stand (or just ten minutes of sex…), crush them if they are powerful, stalk them, threaten them, not to mention the worst.

I really don’t think social media are a great place to find love, especially Tinder, where it’s more about consumption. I don’t think it’s possible to have a relationship with someone you don’t know send you a picture of his private parts as an introduction to himself.