celibacy, life, men, rant, relationships, thoughts

Who travels with his parents?

“Who travels with his parents? I don’t know anyone around me who does that” said one of my ex’s. He said that because I told him I would travel with all of my family in Europe this summer. I replied I know a lot of people who do travel with their parents and family. I hated that judgment in his voice when he said that.

Yes, there are people who don’t travel with their family because they don’t get along with their parents or the rest of the family. But I met a lot people who do travel with their mom, sister, brother, … even if they are older. I’m one of them. I do enjoy the time we spend abroad.

My family is scattered around the world. Since I was young, we used to plan travels altogether whenever our finance make it possible, to be together. Some things have changed over the years because we got older. When my cousins and I got over 16, we used to have a separate plan from our parents when we were abroad. I’ve been to bowling, concerts, bars, restaurants,… with my cousins while our parents went on their own.But now, we spend some time with our parents. Maybe it’s because we don’t live with our parents anymore.

Some of my friends also have a family living around the world. Last year, one of my friends went to Indonesia where all her cousins and relatives, including her mother, were on vacation. They spent three weeks there. My friend didn’t travel with her significant other this time. But next year, he will go with her in the Philippines where her family will host their next gathering. Mine is already scheduled too in the Philippines in 2018 😉

I don’t do all my travels with my family. I’m not a child anymore.  I do travel alone from time to time, or with a friend of mine when he’s available. Those travels with my family are special moments to me.

I was a bit shocked when my ex said that sentence. I would have reacted differently if he just asked why I was traveling with my family. I should have known he’s narrow-minded. He told me earlier that he was the last to know among his friends about his friend’s preference for women, after years of mocking her for having no boyfriend.  He told me he didn’t react well when she revealed to him she was a lesbian. Every of my friends told me early on when we didn’t know each other well their sexual preferences. I noticed earlier they were into men or women. It wasn’t a surprise to me.

He’s just an asshole.

Disrespecting your significant other’s family by saying  you spend too much time with them or contacting them too much is just mean. It’s a sign of a toxic relationship.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, rant, relationships, thoughts, women

A bad boyfriend

What is a bad boyfriend?

He’s the one who forgets to buy you a gift for your birthday or who tells you he hasn’t got the time to buy you one because he’s got a lot of work. the same applies for Christmas gifts.

He’s the one who promises you everything, but never accomplishes what he promised.

He’s the one who asks you to go on holiday with you, then change his mind and go alone (as he said) on holiday, to the very same place he and you made plans for.

He’s the one who is jealous you spend time with your friends and doesn’t understand why you don’t pick up your phone when he’s calling because you’re busy listening to your friend who has a real problem.

He’s the one who doesn’t answer his phone when you’re calling

He’s the one who will drop you just like that because his ex needs him.

He doesn’t understand you.

He’s the one who breaks up with you, but can’t maintain a physical distance and still wants to kiss you and have sex with you afterwards, and gets offended if you refuse.

He’s the one who avoids any confrontation with you, and always finds a good excuse to avoid the fight. For instance, fainting. He will also try to change quickly the subject.

He’s the one who puts the blame on you all the time and refuse to admit his mistakes

He’s the one who keeps you in secret, who doesn’t want you to know his friends or his family.

He’s the one who always asks you to come at his place, but never lifts his fingers to cross the town to see you at your place

He cheats on you.

He’s the one who never says he loves you. Or has a hard time admitting he’s in love with you.

He’s the one who wants you just to add to his collection of women.

He’s the one who impregnates you but refuse to recognize his fatherhood and even asks if you cheated on him.

He’s the one who thinks he’s good to you. Which is not true at all.

He’s the one who only thinks about him.

He’s married.

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broken heart, life, love, rant, relationships, thoughts, women

You and no one else

In France, there’s a scandalous case right now going on in journalism. Audrey Pulvar, the star presenter of I-Tele, was told to leave the lead of her political show because her man, Arnaud Montebourg, is running for the presidential election in 2012.

I heard her two days ago speaking about her dismissal on the radio, and I could clearly hear she was really upset about this decision.

This would certainly damage her career. But the worst is that I read many comments about her bashing her for picking him as a partner. In the name of conflict of interests, we should avoid to fall in love with people from the other camp: politicians, CEOs, …

But this independence is simply impossible. Because we don’t choose to fall in love with another journalist or a politician. We just fall in love.

Besides, some journalists (I’m not talking about reporters who are abroad six months of the year) are often in contact with their opposite camp. This can create unusual bonds. Journalists specialized in politics or economy often know as much as the people they get in touch with professionally. From there, it’s easy to find other common points.

That’s part of the human nature. You can’t ask journalists to be robots and have no feelings.

I’m telling you this because I fell in love with a man I shouldn’t have fallen in love if I had to respect this silent rule in journalism. But unlike Audrey Pulvar, who chose to make no secret about her relationship with a politician, nobody knows about the man who shares my life. And this isn’t a comfortable situation.

Of all the men there are in this world, I chose to fall in love with this one.  It’s him, and no one else. Before dating him, I was already in love with him. But I knew I would get in trouble.

Did I think about dating other men? Yes. But none of them could keep up the comparison with him. And he’s not perfect. Not at all.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, rant, relationships, thoughts, women

Lie to me

Baratiner. In French, this word is used when you lie to someone. It is also used to describe a way of cruising, particularly among the young. Yet, when men grow up, this doesn’t disappear. It can even evolve into a sophisticated lie.

Normally, following this simple rule as mentioned in the rules would prevent you to get fooled: let him call you. If he doesn’t, then you know he’s just playing with you. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t spend the night with him directly.

But there are curious cases. A., let’s call him that way because it is the first letter of Asshole,  did call, not only once, but twice after a date. He would play with you the “me too” and asks a lot of questions about yourself. He would elaborate projects in the future with you, and promise you thick and thin.

Then, all of a sudden, A. becomes distant with you. Once he made sure you were falling in love with him.  Some of my friends think men like that are just afraid of commitment. But in the case of A., he got married twice. Maybe in between (and during) his marriages, he’s just playing it as a sentimental delinquent.

In any case, this is what we call a toxic man. How do you heal from that kind of ASSHOLE? Well, take your distance with him. And if you feel blue and want to get in touch with him, follow this advice a very good friend of mine gave me: send your SMS/email to a friend and call a friend instead of him.

And remember: on the long run, a lie is unsustainable. Sooner or later, you will discover the truth. Even if it hurts.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, rant, relationships, thoughts, women

What’s my age again?

As I evolve right now in the thirty-something world, many people ask me if I plan to get married or have children really soon. Most women of my age fall into that category.  But I don’t see why I should absolutely follow their example. And many of my single friends agree with this. After all, we decide what we want to do with our life. It’s not our age that should decide what we have to do.

It’s true that most of thirty-something women follow the same social pattern. That particular age is the one where our professional career finally takes off after many years spent to build something without that much success.

It could also be that age where we finally find the career we want to follow. A friend of mine only found recently what she wanted to do in her life. So, this is the right time women choose to have a baby. Or not.

Yet, some women do have their kids earlier or later because life has decided otherwise. A friend of mine, who’s 42, told me she lost hope to have a kid and settle down. She’s not exactly what we could call a conventional woman. But she has lived her life like she wanted so far. This included living in various countries,  changing jobs and men repeatedly.

For those who hear their biological clock ticking, this age can also be a problem. I’ve seen many women of my age adopting curious eating habits, dieting to the extreme, abusing sports and looking for the help of surgery just because they feel it’s now or never to catch their “prey” or keep him. It’s among them that you will find the one who can’t go out without any makeup, high heels, and a killer style. They are also the ones who have a more daring sexuality (and who collect sextoys).  Younger women are generally too shy or too unexperienced to do this. And older women don’t care or are much confident about how they look to try this.

This is an age where we can make our key choices. We can choose convention, tradition, order, and its opposite, confusion. I guess  I chose the last one. I know I’m not the only one.

So, when did you know you had to follow your own path?

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broken heart, life, love, men, rant, thoughts, women

Do you know what love means?

“The perfect resonance, that’s what love is all about”

Last night, I had again a strange conversation with B. where we discussed among other things about writing, catharsis, and love.  He said those few words just after we described Celine‘s love  life, in particular the love of his life, Elizabeth Craig, who left him because she feared she wouldn’t represent anything to him  if she grew old. B. said she didn’t understand what love is.

I don’t agree with B.

You can have the greatest bond ever with someone, but it is always fragile. Ellis, you would agree with me, in a world where there’s always someone smarter, brighter, more beautiful than you, you can never be sure you have the greatest bond ever with the one you love.  Besides, what is a perfect resonance? Is it how you reflect your lover’s image? That’s not love, that’s just pure narcissism.

As I said, love is accepting to lose. It is accepting to lay your destiny in the hands of your lover, and accepting the total randomness of this. It’s a risk, so this means you can lose a lot in this. But we accept it because it carries the promise of changing our life.

It doesn’t mean that you have to be totally subdued to the one you love. If you just agree with everything she/he says, this is the best way to kill your romance.

But for sure, if you believe love is about the greatest bond, this is quite a comforting view. Until a third party invites himself/herself in the way.

Nothing is rational about love.

I guess B. hasn’t experienced what true love is…

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, rant, relationships, thoughts, women

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

… Just a little bit :mrgreen:

Recently, I had a huge fight with – again- one of my professional contacts, who happens to get on my nerves all of the time. Since I know him, we’ve always had arguments. But this time, it was a little bit different. He called me because he was mad at me for writing an article not so kind about his company, and threatened me to blacklist me if I kept on writing such sensationalist articles like that. I replied that my article was biased because no one in his company dared to answer my questions. Then I told him that I didn’t know who to call, because it was such a technical problem, and I was sure he wasn’t able to answer the questions. He paused, then admitted I was right, and hung up. One hour later, he called me back, and asked me if everything was OK between us. He added that he didn’t want to lose our kindly relationship. It left me speechless.

Three days later, I met one of my coworkers who knows him very well. He said that I was just a bitch, and that no one has ever dared to talk to him like that. So, yes, I’m a bitch. But I’m proud of it. I don’t like to be humiliated. And with him, honestly, I’m really tired of fighting all the time. I don’t like to fight. It’s not good for my karma.

This makes me think: do we have to go toe to toe with our lover?

One of my friends says yes. “H. loves me because he says I’m the only woman who manages to go toe to toe with him. Before me, no one has ever had the guts to do so, because he’s such a pain in the ass, as he says”. My friend is just responding to him whenever he pulls a temper tantrum or attacks her because he’s angry. And she says that by just doing this, very calm, she manages to bring down the tension very rapidly between them. I guess they’re a bit the yin and the yang to each other.

I think it’s important not to lose yourself in a relationship and stands for what you believe. It’s not because you’re honest and frank that your lover would run away. If he/she does, then, he/she’s simply not for you. But there’s a thin line between standing against him in an argument or just go toe to toe with his charachter, and castrate him. Words can do deep damages in a relationship. A little bit of diplomacy is sometimes more helpful to bring down the tensions than harsh words like “you’re such a loser” or “I’d rather sleep with the first man I see in the street than you. You disgust me”. These words can ruin forever your relationship. Bear that in mind.

So, how do you make yourself respected in a relationship?

 

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