Banned by Facebook

Last week, I had the unpleasant surprise to receive an notice for wordpress that I couldn’t link the posts from my blog to Facebook. I have a page on Facebook named like this blog. This page doesn’t allow anymore to see my posts on wordpress, and doesn’t allow any reader to click on the link to my blog on the Facebook page.

The blog Zero Hedge had known the same problem. The authors wrote a post about it and publicized on Twitter. It was retweeted by Donald Trump Jr and Nigel Farage ,among other. 24 hours later, this blog was available again on Facebook. Zero Hedge even received apologizes from Facebook, saying it was a mistake.

I didn’t receive any warning from Facebook before being banned. My page on Facebook still exist. The links I posted from sites like Vanity Fair, Business Insider, the Economist, the Financial Times, … are still on that page. But every post from this blog disappeared.

Facebook only says my blog is against their community standards. But they didn’t explain why.

This blog is not racist, doesn’t promote hate, and isn’t mean to people, so I don’t understand.

I don’t depend on Facebook to get more traffic on this blog. In fact, only my friends use my Facebook page to get access to my latest post on this blog. So it’s sad the “social media” doesn’t allow my friends to click on my links anymore. I don’t understand.

I can’t even send the link on this post on Messenger.

Who travels with his parents?

“Who travels with his parents? I don’t know anyone around me who does that” said one of my ex’s. He said that because I told him I would travel with all of my family in Europe this summer. I replied I know a lot of people who do travel with their parents and family. I hated that judgment in his voice when he said that.

Yes, there are people who don’t travel with their family because they don’t get along with their parents or the rest of the family. But I met a lot people who do travel with their mom, sister, brother, … even if they are older. I’m one of them. I do enjoy the time we spend abroad.

My family is scattered around the world. Since I was young, we used to plan travels altogether whenever our finance make it possible, to be together. Some things have changed over the years because we got older. When my cousins and I got over 16, we used to have a separate plan from our parents when we were abroad. I’ve been to bowling, concerts, bars, restaurants,… with my cousins while our parents went on their own.But now, we spend some time with our parents. Maybe it’s because we don’t live with our parents anymore.

Some of my friends also have a family living around the world. Last year, one of my friends went to Indonesia where all her cousins and relatives, including her mother, were on vacation. They spent three weeks there. My friend didn’t travel with her significant other this time. But next year, he will go with her in the Philippines where her family will host their next gathering. Mine is already scheduled too in the Philippines in 2018 😉

I don’t do all my travels with my family. I’m not a child anymore.  I do travel alone from time to time, or with a friend of mine when he’s available. Those travels with my family are special moments to me.

I was a bit shocked when my ex said that sentence. I would have reacted differently if he just asked why I was traveling with my family. I should have known he’s narrow-minded. He told me earlier that he was the last to know among his friends about his friend’s preference for women, after years of mocking her for having no boyfriend.  He told me he didn’t react well when she revealed to him she was a lesbian. Every of my friends told me early on when we didn’t know each other well their sexual preferences. I noticed earlier they were into men or women. It wasn’t a surprise to me.

He’s just an asshole.

Disrespecting your significant other’s family by saying  you spend too much time with them or contacting them too much is just mean. It’s a sign of a toxic relationship.

A bad boyfriend

What is a bad boyfriend?

He’s the one who forgets to buy you a gift for your birthday or who tells you he hasn’t got the time to buy you one because he’s got a lot of work. the same applies for Christmas gifts.

He’s the one who promises you everything, but never accomplishes what he promised.

He’s the one who asks you to go on holiday with you, then change his mind and go alone (as he said) on holiday, to the very same place he and you made plans for.

He’s the one who is jealous you spend time with your friends and doesn’t understand why you don’t pick up your phone when he’s calling because you’re busy listening to your friend who has a real problem.

He’s the one who doesn’t answer his phone when you’re calling

He’s the one who will drop you just like that because his ex needs him.

He doesn’t understand you.

He’s the one who breaks up with you, but can’t maintain a physical distance and still wants to kiss you and have sex with you afterwards, and gets offended if you refuse.

He’s the one who avoids any confrontation with you, and always finds a good excuse to avoid the fight. For instance, fainting. He will also try to change quickly the subject.

He’s the one who puts the blame on you all the time and refuse to admit his mistakes

He’s the one who keeps you in secret, who doesn’t want you to know his friends or his family.

He’s the one who always asks you to come at his place, but never lifts his fingers to cross the town to see you at your place

He cheats on you.

He’s the one who never says he loves you. Or has a hard time admitting he’s in love with you.

He’s the one who wants you just to add to his collection of women.

He’s the one who impregnates you but refuse to recognize his fatherhood and even asks if you cheated on him.

He’s the one who thinks he’s good to you. Which is not true at all.

He’s the one who only thinks about him.

He’s married.

You and no one else

In France, there’s a scandalous case right now going on in journalism. Audrey Pulvar, the star presenter of I-Tele, was told to leave the lead of her political show because her man, Arnaud Montebourg, is running for the presidential election in 2012.

I heard her two days ago speaking about her dismissal on the radio, and I could clearly hear she was really upset about this decision.

This would certainly damage her career. But the worst is that I read many comments about her bashing her for picking him as a partner. In the name of conflict of interests, we should avoid to fall in love with people from the other camp: politicians, CEOs, …

But this independence is simply impossible. Because we don’t choose to fall in love with another journalist or a politician. We just fall in love.

Besides, some journalists (I’m not talking about reporters who are abroad six months of the year) are often in contact with their opposite camp. This can create unusual bonds. Journalists specialized in politics or economy often know as much as the people they get in touch with professionally. From there, it’s easy to find other common points.

That’s part of the human nature. You can’t ask journalists to be robots and have no feelings.

I’m telling you this because I fell in love with a man I shouldn’t have fallen in love if I had to respect this silent rule in journalism. But unlike Audrey Pulvar, who chose to make no secret about her relationship with a politician, nobody knows about the man who shares my life. And this isn’t a comfortable situation.

Of all the men there are in this world, I chose to fall in love with this one.  It’s him, and no one else. Before dating him, I was already in love with him. But I knew I would get in trouble.

Did I think about dating other men? Yes. But none of them could keep up the comparison with him. And he’s not perfect. Not at all.

Lie to me

Baratiner. In French, this word is used when you lie to someone. It is also used to describe a way of cruising, particularly among the young. Yet, when men grow up, this doesn’t disappear. It can even evolve into a sophisticated lie.

Normally, following this simple rule as mentioned in the rules would prevent you to get fooled: let him call you. If he doesn’t, then you know he’s just playing with you. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t spend the night with him directly.

But there are curious cases. A., let’s call him that way because it is the first letter of Asshole,  did call, not only once, but twice after a date. He would play with you the “me too” and asks a lot of questions about yourself. He would elaborate projects in the future with you, and promise you thick and thin.

Then, all of a sudden, A. becomes distant with you. Once he made sure you were falling in love with him.  Some of my friends think men like that are just afraid of commitment. But in the case of A., he got married twice. Maybe in between (and during) his marriages, he’s just playing it as a sentimental delinquent.

In any case, this is what we call a toxic man. How do you heal from that kind of ASSHOLE? Well, take your distance with him. And if you feel blue and want to get in touch with him, follow this advice a very good friend of mine gave me: send your SMS/email to a friend and call a friend instead of him.

And remember: on the long run, a lie is unsustainable. Sooner or later, you will discover the truth. Even if it hurts.

What’s my age again?

As I evolve right now in the thirty-something world, many people ask me if I plan to get married or have children really soon. Most women of my age fall into that category.  But I don’t see why I should absolutely follow their example. And many of my single friends agree with this. After all, we decide what we want to do with our life. It’s not our age that should decide what we have to do.

It’s true that most of thirty-something women follow the same social pattern. That particular age is the one where our professional career finally takes off after many years spent to build something without that much success.

It could also be that age where we finally find the career we want to follow. A friend of mine only found recently what she wanted to do in her life. So, this is the right time women choose to have a baby. Or not.

Yet, some women do have their kids earlier or later because life has decided otherwise. A friend of mine, who’s 42, told me she lost hope to have a kid and settle down. She’s not exactly what we could call a conventional woman. But she has lived her life like she wanted so far. This included living in various countries,  changing jobs and men repeatedly.

For those who hear their biological clock ticking, this age can also be a problem. I’ve seen many women of my age adopting curious eating habits, dieting to the extreme, abusing sports and looking for the help of surgery just because they feel it’s now or never to catch their “prey” or keep him. It’s among them that you will find the one who can’t go out without any makeup, high heels, and a killer style. They are also the ones who have a more daring sexuality (and who collect sextoys).  Younger women are generally too shy or too unexperienced to do this. And older women don’t care or are much confident about how they look to try this.

This is an age where we can make our key choices. We can choose convention, tradition, order, and its opposite, confusion. I guess  I chose the last one. I know I’m not the only one.

So, when did you know you had to follow your own path?

Do you know what love means?

“The perfect resonance, that’s what love is all about”

Last night, I had again a strange conversation with B. where we discussed among other things about writing, catharsis, and love.  He said those few words just after we described Celine‘s love  life, in particular the love of his life, Elizabeth Craig, who left him because she feared she wouldn’t represent anything to him  if she grew old. B. said she didn’t understand what love is.

I don’t agree with B.

You can have the greatest bond ever with someone, but it is always fragile. Ellis, you would agree with me, in a world where there’s always someone smarter, brighter, more beautiful than you, you can never be sure you have the greatest bond ever with the one you love.  Besides, what is a perfect resonance? Is it how you reflect your lover’s image? That’s not love, that’s just pure narcissism.

As I said, love is accepting to lose. It is accepting to lay your destiny in the hands of your lover, and accepting the total randomness of this. It’s a risk, so this means you can lose a lot in this. But we accept it because it carries the promise of changing our life.

It doesn’t mean that you have to be totally subdued to the one you love. If you just agree with everything she/he says, this is the best way to kill your romance.

But for sure, if you believe love is about the greatest bond, this is quite a comforting view. Until a third party invites himself/herself in the way.

Nothing is rational about love.

I guess B. hasn’t experienced what true love is…

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

… Just a little bit

Recently, I had a huge fight with – again- one of my professional contacts, who happens to get on my nerves all of the time. Since I know him, we’ve always had arguments. But this time, it was a little bit different. He called me because he was mad at me for writing an article not so kind about his company, and threatened me to blacklist me if I kept on writing such sensationalist articles like that. I replied that my article was biased because no one in his company dared to answer my questions. Then I told him that I didn’t know who to call, because it was such a technical problem, and I was sure he wasn’t able to answer the questions. He paused, then admitted I was right, and hung up. One hour later, he called me back, and asked me if everything was OK between us. He added that he didn’t want to lose our kindly relationship. It left me speechless.

Three days later, I met one of my coworkers who knows him very well. He said that I was just a bitch, and that no one has ever dared to talk to him like that. So, yes, I’m a bitch. But I’m proud of it. I don’t like to be humiliated. And with him, honestly, I’m really tired of fighting all the time. I don’t like to fight. It’s not good for my karma.

This makes me think: do we have to go toe to toe with our lover?

One of my friends says yes. “H. loves me because he says I’m the only woman who manages to go toe to toe with him. Before me, no one has ever had the guts to do so, because he’s such a pain in the ass, as he says”. My friend is just responding to him whenever he pulls a temper tantrum or attacks her because he’s angry. And she says that by just doing this, very calm, she manages to bring down the tension very rapidly between them. I guess they’re a bit the yin and the yang to each other.

I think it’s important not to lose yourself in a relationship and stands for what you believe. It’s not because you’re honest and frank that your lover would run away. If he/she does, then, he/she’s simply not for you. But there’s a thin line between standing against him in an argument or just go toe to toe with his charachter, and castrate him. Words can do deep damages in a relationship. A little bit of diplomacy is sometimes more helpful to bring down the tensions than harsh words like “you’re such a loser” or “I’d rather sleep with the first man I see in the street than you. You disgust me”. These words can ruin forever your relationship. Bear that in mind.

So, how do you make yourself respected in a relationship?

 

The right words

Sometimes, we can be trapped in a situation where we can’t find our words. I recently experimented this odd situation with one of my acquaintances. He was behaving very strangely with me, and instead of asking him what was the problem, I just waited for the meeting to end. He looked at me pissed and sorry, but nothing came out of his mouth either. This meeting left us with a really bad taste in our mouth. This can happen with people who aren’t on the same wavelength than we, or people we simply don’t understand.

But sometimes, it can happen that we don’t find our words, but the person who’s with us is able to read our mind, and say the words that we can’t say. One of my friends recently gushed about her new man, who’s able to anticipate every of her thoughts. “I didn’t expect that at all. When we met, I was a little bit intimidated and just remain mum in front of him. I was about to leave the party with my heart starting to crush, and as I walked out the door, he caught me and told me he didn’t want me to leave. He also told me I was beautiful, and kissed me. I was mentally plotting this scheme during the whole evening. Then, oddly, each time I wish for something, but hesitate to tell him, he just does or says  something that just shot me right through with a bolt of blue. It’s like he can read my mind like an open book” she said.

But sometimes, even with our significant other, we can make it hard to decipher our thoughts. Another friend of mine is angry at her husband right now, because she has to work late thanks to the crisis and when she comes home, she only gets remarks and complains about her schedule all the time. “And when I try to talk to him about my difficulties at work, he just says that I’m boring with my stories. But I need this to drop the pressure, and it gets me mad. He also tells me that I don’t have to stress that much” she said. “I would need him to comfort me when I come late from work, but instead, he’s pissed I’m late” she added. I advised her to tell him about how she feels. Maybe this could change a lot the dynamic in their couple.

Words don’t necessarily come easily. It really depends on our personality. Some people are quite outspoken, other introvert. Besides, telling the right words at the right person is something very difficult. This is all the challenge of human relationships, getting to understand each other. It’s also the biggest challenge for every couple.

So, do words come easily for you?

A thorn in the side…

… But to me, you’re a shining light

Recently, I had a huge argument with one of my professional contacts, where he basically wished me the best for my career as a journalist. He also told me that before being such a cutie, I was clever, astute, and that I could go far in my profession if I could keep my contacts. It just left me speechless. It started because I told him that he was great on his TV debate, and he didn’t believe me. The truth is, I don’t believe him either. I just think he’s not genuine in his compliments. He obviously doesn’t think I am either. Since I know him, he has always been flattering with everyone, all of the time. It’s not my case, so I feel insulted he could think I’m manipulating him. To me, I can’t really believe his compliments. I just think he said that to other journalists, that I’m just one among the others. The compliments really didn’t work in that case.

Complimenting someone is a sword with a double edge. You can really flatter the other, but you can also end up offending him/ her if the message is wrong. I’m difficult, so complimenting me isn’t a easy task. I just prefer acts. I don’t believe the guy because he has complimented everyone in our profession. This is just a tactic used by politicians to get popular with everyone. That’s why his compliments are just empty, pointless. But then, what makes a compliment work? And what is completely wrong?

You can tell to the most beautiful girl in the world she’s pretty, she won’t listen because she has heard that all of the time. You can say to the most brilliant and intelligent man that he’s clever, he will just take that as granted. But if you try to tell to the girl she’s smart, and  to the genius he’s sexy, the reaction may differ. It may, because if it’s a sentence he/she has never heard before, he/she can also wonder if there’s a catch. If the compliment  is not genuine and too big to swallow, it will never pass.

But you should never assume that because a woman’s beautiful, you have no chance flattering her by telling her how beautiful she is. Remember that we do get old, and that with time, this kind of compliments is much more appreciated as beauty tends to fade away.

Personally, I don’t appreciate when someone tells me I’m a cutie. I’m 30, for godsake. I’m not a little girl anymore. And besides, I know I’m not stupid 😉

So, what kind of compliments do the trick with you? And what makes you run away?