celibacy, life, love, relationships

Those who don’t use Tinder &cie

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Not every single person is on Tinder or another dating app or a dating site. A friend of mine doesn’t use Tinder &cie, although she tried to use those, but got bored with it after just two days. “On these dating sites, the picture is the single element in consideration.  I have a hard time finding a guy attractive just by looking at his picture” she said. “Maybe because there are so many profiles and I don’t know who to choose” she added. My friend has never managed to go on a date with someone she met online.

To be fair, I find it very time consuming to use Tinder and chatting with my matches, especially since I have a high ratio of failures, and I feel bored easily with online conversation. So I can understand why my friend doesn’t like those dating apps.

Besides, if there are so many people using dating apps, 88% of the people in the United States who have been with the same partner for five years or less met their significant other offline. Among my married friends, most of them met their partner while they were in high school, college, or through their shared friends, or at work. Most of them spent a lot of time together before they started dating. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you begin to know him/her more intimately, to the point of creating an emotional bond.  High School, College, work, same group of friends, … allow people to spend a lot of time together without much effort. It’s not the same with online dating. Both partners have to want to spend a lot of time together.  And it’s difficult when you don’t belong from the same circle.

As I have experienced so far, none of the men I met through Tinder were willing to spend a lot of their time with me. Because they have their job, their hobbies, their friends, their kids,… So it’s difficult to know them more intimately and to create an emotional bond with them.

But some of my friends who met their significant other online have managed to spend a lot of time with their partner from the very beginning of their relationship. One of them even moved into her partner’s apartment just one month after meeting him.

Offline or online, the key to build a genuine relationship is the time spent with your partner. When you don’t feel the hours go by when you are with him/her, it’s the sign you’re into him/her.

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